2009 was a banner year for crap in the world of country music. There's no way I could summarize the sad state of the genre with only ten bad tunes, but allow me to try. Here are the worst country singles of 2009, in no particular order.
Tyler Dean - Taylor Swift
Ample cause for a restraining order if ever there was one. Can't hide the proof. It's right there on iTunes with a 2 star rating. And furthermore, they rereleased it on iTunes after Taylor's late year awards. We hated it the first time, dude.
Jimmy Wayne - Sara Smile
I actually have no problem with a country singer covering Hall & Oates, but for the sake of my sanity and human decency, at least pick a good H&O song, and at least attempt to make it sound country.
Phil Vassar - Bobbi with an "I"
A song about a good ol' boy who likes to cross dress? Did Phil's record company somehow get their demographics and marketing studies mixed up with Lady Gaga's? I'm not shocked by its content, just that it was actually released to country radio.
Bucky Covington - Gotta Be Somebody
More processed than cheese spread, but not nearly as tasty. They could have had one of those NOAA weather radio voices sing this song and I might not know the difference. And holy mother of drive by truckers, it's a Nickelback cover. Why? Just why?
Billy Currington - That's How Country Boys Roll
This is how a country boy turns the station.
Jessie James - My Cowboy
The only thing country about this song is the title. Does that necessarily make it one of the worst country singles of the year? Well, yes... but on artistic merit alone, it's still not good.
Fast Ryde - That Thang
"That Thang" is inexplicably better than their second single, "Make it Rain" (a "farming is hard" anthem so shallow it makes Jason Aldean sound like Levon Helm), but since this ode to country girl bootay is higher profile, it gets the slot. One of the most annoying choruses ever sung. Dang me.
Krista Marie - Jeep Jeep
This one got deservedly ripped to shreds in my .99 review. Krista's decent voice aside, this song is a second-rate product that should never have been released. More like a Yugo than a Jeep.
Jake Owen - Eight Second Ride
That this is supposed to be a sexy song but it has that "spit cup" line in it automatically adds the song to this list by default.
George Strait - River of Love
We hope for more from the King than this warmed-over seventies pop-country, but since he made it up to us with the stellar "Twang" album, this song's inclusion here is just a minor speed bump. In the grand scheme of things, it's better than the other songs on this list and the dishonorable mentions, but as they say, "to whom much is given much is expected."
Dishonorable Mentions: Rodney Atkins "Chasin' Girls" - Toby Keith "God Love Her" - Jason Aldean "She's Country"