Jun 29, 2009

.99 Review - Whitney Duncan

Whitney Duncan - Skinny Dippin'

The People's Take

perfect summer song! (5 stars) – i heard this song awhile back, and fell in love with it. whitney duncan uses her soulful rasp to really turn on the heat in this sexy summer tune! all i can say is great job girl!
by smileykk

Ouch! (1 star) –
This is a really bad song! No thanks.
by
My $0.02

My Take
Another timely summer release, former Nashville Star contestant Whitney Duncan's new single is a breezy anthem for your ...um Whitney skinny dippin' :)... oh, sorry, got off track a minute. Anyway, this song is an ode to ...you guessed it. Although many a country song has ended with or included folks dropping trou' and hopping into the creek, I don't recall a single that was completely dedicated to ... hmm, Whitney skinny dippin'. Apologies, back to the review. I'm not sure I see this being a big hit for a couple of reasons. #1 enunciation... while, her voice is soulful and fairly pleasing to the ear, Ms. Duncan sounds like she's got a mouthful of marbles... no, something softer... cotton balls maybe. It was difficult to make out all of the lyrics ...Whitney Duncan naked in the water...ahem. So, #2... the lyrics (the ones I could discern anyway). Did she say they were swimming in the Mississippi??? Do people swim in the Mississippi? Have you seen it lately? Have you seen the size of the fish they pull out of that thing? I was born beside it and I won't swim in it. Sure, I'm overanalyzing, but that's what I do here. Also, did I hear the word "tush"? Who, besides ZZ Top uses that word and gets away wwwwwWhitney Duncan with her clothes off in a swimming hole. Where was I? Okay, so this is an alright song. I'm probably just past the ceiling age for skinny dipping and it not being really weird, so the subject matter doesn't appeal to me a great deal, but this is mostly aimed at the high school/college age set... and I'm sure it works for that demographinakedwhitneyduncaninacreek whoa. Anyway, I'm done. Let me know when the video comes out.

Total value: .42/.99

The Checklist
Church/God
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County FairLost Love
Check mark symbolLove
Hometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Check mark symbolTruck
Whiskey
Beer
Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power

Jun 28, 2009

Kenny Chesney Parody Take Two

By the popular demand of many, many very specific web searches that led people to the previous version, I have written a second parody for a popular hit song (based on the title that was being searching for). Obviously I can't say what will and won't offend you, but I hope that you will take this for the parody of the song, the satire of gay stereotypes and the spoof on Kenny's supposed hidden sexual preference that I mean it to be. I considered this title the first go-round, but figured it was too obvious. On second thought....

(I Came) Out Last Night
(Parody of Kenny Chesney's "Out Last Night")

I came out last night
Perez he says that it's true
Sipped martinis last night
Discussed a few musicals too

There were boys from West Memphis and Caroline,
Maine, Miami, and the lower east side
All fixed up, having a fabulous time

Yeah, I came out last night
One dare started leading to another
Out last night, hitting on everybody and his brother

There were two karaoke girls, and most guys stared
Their skirts were really short but I didn't care
Cuz Ty's chest was buff and bare
I came out last night

Well you know I'm a country boy
Closeted in East Tennessee
Last night I became overjoyed
With a few tasty fruit drinks in me

I was a jockey, fireman, a dude into rap, Brad Pitt's lover, and a man wearing chaps
Anything I thought would get me some staff

Yeah, I came out last night
One fling started leading to another
Out last night, hitting on everybody and his brother

There I was talking fashion and not watching sports
Except for skiing and boating of course
Cut off my blue jeans into shorty shorts
When I came out last night

Well, my career is sure over when the video hits YouTube
Of me singing "Never Wanted Nothin' More" to some dude

Oh I came out last night
One dance started leading to another
Out last night
Like it's really a great shock to discover

I was dancing with no ladies
Feelin' light in my shoes
Pairing off with Virgil and getting loose
Should have seen that camera's light
When I came out last night

YouTube Classic: Weird Al parodies Michael Jackson

Jun 26, 2009

Best of 2009 So Far: June

I just started listening to the new Buddy and Julie Miller and it's great so far... but it didn't make the cutoff for this chart. Take a good look and see what you think might interest you that you haven't heard or purchased yet... this chart will come into play over the next couple of weeks.

1. Son Volt - American Central Dust*
2. Ben Nichols - The Last Pale Light in the West
3. Charlie Robison - Beautiful Day
4. Justin Townes Earle - Midnight at the Movies
5. Slaid Cleaves - Everything You Love Will Be Taken Away
6. The Devil Makes Three - Do Wrong Right
7. Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears - Tell 'em What Your Name Is
8. Deer Tick - Born on Flag Day
9. Steve Earle - Townes
10. Wilco - Wilco (The Album)*
11. Phosphorescent - To Willie
12. Great Lake Swimmers - Lost Channels
13. Roman Candle - Oh Tall Tree in the Ear
14. John Moreland & The Black Gold Band - Endless Oklahoma Sky
15. Ryan Bingham - Roadhouse Sun
16. The Deep Dark Woods - Winter Hours
17. Todd Snider - The Excitement Plan
18. Holly Williams - Here With Me
19. The Gourds - Haymaker!
20. Mastodon - Crack the Skye
21. Wayne Hancock - Viper of Melody
22. Eric Church - Carolina
23. The Fox Hunt - America's Working So We Don't Have To
24. Strand of Oaks - Leave Ruin
25. Doug Paisley - s/t
26. The Extraordinaires - Electric and Benevolent
27. Scott Miller - For Crying Out Loud
28. Dale Watson - The Truckin' Sessions (v.2)
29. Jason Isbell and The 400 Unit - s/t
30. Terry Anderson & The Olympic Ass Kickin' Team - National Champions

*Due for release Tuesday

Jun 25, 2009

Darius Rucker Parody

All White
(parody of Darius Rucker's "Alright")

All white, all white,
Yeah, it's all white, all white

Don't take a Sherlock observation
To see the difference that's so well defined
My workplace lacks diversity
Been like that, don't ya know, since the days of Patsy Cline

You can throw a dart and hit the same skin tone
Sometimes it makes a brother feel mighty alone

Cause I've got some shade here in my skin,
But the industry that I'm workin' in
Oh, it's all white, all white
Now I've got boots under my feet
And the whole music chart except for me
It's all white, all white
Just check out CMT
Yeah, it's all white but me

It's no big deal, no, to me it ain't no drama
That I'm an anomaly yes it's true
If not for Charley, I'd be Obama
But the bigs have pride in me as long as I pay dues

Now that I'm well on my way to being a star
I wish Coe'd stop telling me to park his car

Oh, I've got some shade here in my skin,
But the industry that I'm workin' in
Oh, it's all white, all white
Well I've got boots under my feet
And the whole music chart except for me
It's all white, all white
Just check out GAC
Yeah, it's all white but me

It's all white but me, yeah yeah
When I look out at crowds there's just one thing missin'
Nobody in the audience can dance in rhythm

Oh, I've got a whole bunch of melanin,
But the industry that I'm workin' in
Oh, it's all white, all white
Well I've got boots under my feet
And the whole CMA show but me
It's all white, all white
Check out Walmart CDs
Yeah, they're all white but me

R.I.P. MJ

Michael Jackson's "Thriller" was the first album I ever owned. Loved it. Still do. I'm gonna do my best to remember him for stuff like that. Farewell to a genius performer and creator of great pop music, regardless of the negatives that went along with him.

Jun 23, 2009

____Deserves a Sackpunch #3







Anyone Who Doesn't Like Music

In college, during my junior and senior summers, I worked at a state park on the landscaping crew. My supervisor was a hilariously cranky old guy named Buddy who shared my tastes in jokes, professional wrestling... and not much else. We got along fine, but the first day I hopped in his truck in my gray state issue t-shirt and torn up jeans, headed to a campsite to weed-eat, I found out our biggest difference. I reached over to flip on the radio to listen to the latest 90's hat act on the local country station and he said "Eh Ehhhh... I don't like music." "Come again?" asked me, confused by his foreign words. "I don't listen to music" he repeated. "Umm, okay Buddy..." I trailed off, rolling down the window to listen to the slap of road seams against the balding tires. I dealt with the situation respectfully, because I needed that 5.75 an hour to take my woman out to Jake and Rips and The Sportscenter and keep gas in my Corsica. In my mind though, I was delivering Buddy a tightly clenched fist into his groin area with all my might. I mean, he was cool and all, but who doesn't like music??
I still run into people now and then who claim to not care for music. What? Why? Do you not have a soul? What say you?
"I don't have time" you say. Don't have time to breathe? That's what it would be like for me to go without music. I'm addicted, admittedly, but I listen to music probably at least 50% of my waking hours so I can't fathom its absence. Sure, silence is cool.. and rare, but since it's darn near impossible to find silence, I'd rather have a tune going than listen to machines running, cars driving, people complaining and all the other parts of the din of everyday life. There are 24 hours in a day, there's plenty of time.
"Music sucks now" you say. Wrong answer. Most of radio music sucks now, but music doesn't. Do you have internet access? If not, your local library will happily hook you up with some online time as long as you haven't been abusing your privileges. With that tool, tool, you can find any kind and quality of music you desire. There's still tons of good new albums being released - in every genre. In fact, I'd say the last 5 years of non-mainstream music has been flat out excellent. Heck, listen to the old stuff again... it's still great. It doesn't spoil. There are at least 4 oldies stations on my dial and I live in a fairly small metropolitan area. Or maybe, get your ears checked. That could be the problem. Or ask the devil for your soul back. If not, keep quiet around me, or risk an eyewateringly painful sackpunch!

Jun 22, 2009

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #10


Leave your politics at the door of the writing room. Famous people always think they should use their stage for a soapbox. Nobody wants to hear what incorrect liberal thoughts Bruce Springstink has about the fine previous administration or hear what vile venom Fatalie Maines is spouting this week. Just because Obama is doing a terrible job with the economy and basically everything else, you'll never hear it from me in a song I write or sing.. or anytime else. Shut the blue-green hell up and act, or sing, or whatever the crap you do.


Not actually written by John Rich.

Jun 20, 2009

YouTube Gems: Charlie Robison

The new Charlie Robison album Beautiful Day is fantastic. I would already count it among my favorite releases of the year. It comes out this Tuesday, June 23 and if you don't buy it, you're stupid. Okay, that's not nice, but you'd do well to purchase it. It's his best album since Bandera, in my humble opinion. You can attempt to win an autographed copy at Country California and The 9513! I couldn't find any live recordings of any of his new songs, so instead here's the very fine video for "El Cerrito Place" from his last album, Good Times. Have a nice weekend and Happy Fathers Day to all you dads!

Jun 18, 2009

Jun 17, 2009

Friday is...

Country Day June!
14+ new honest album covers



......and next month's edition will be a supersized collection (25+) to celebrate... FTM's 1 year AnniFarcery!

Relative Size Chart: CMT Awards Edition


Click for a closer view.

Jun 16, 2009

Taylor Swift & T-Pain to Release Album

News of their duet, trainwreck or whatever you wanna call it on the CMT Awards was met with little surprise, since awards shows frequently use odd pairings to grab ratings. What is a surprise is that the duo of Taylor Swift and T-Pain plans to release a collaborative album in coming months. Whether it will be pop-country, hip-hop-country or crunktry, who knows(?) but FTM has gotten its grubby hands on an early rough draft of the cover. (verrry rough)

Jun 15, 2009

A Welcome and a Rascal Flatts Parody

I'd like to welcome FTM's new outside contributor, Bobby Joe Beckley. A talented songwriter I've come to know over the past few years at songwriting sites like Tunesmith and Just Plain Folks, Bob will be providing FTM with parodies, ridiculously funny original lyrics and maybe a few songs if I ever figure out how to stream tunes. Beckley's gotten quite a bit of buzz from his silliness, his parody "Whoops I Farted Loving You" reaching the inbox of an amused Jim Femino (cowriter of "Just Got Started Loving You") and James Otto, and his "Ballad of Palin," a political take on "Ballad of Paladin," published in an Alaskan newspaper during last year's campaign. His first contribution to Farce the Music is this parody of Rascal Flatts' current smash "Summer Nights." Enjoy, and check out some of BJ's songs on the links after the lyric!

Summer Bites
(©2009 BobbyJoe parody lyric)

Come on, ladies
It's time to barbecue
And fellas, I know you're ready for food
We went smokeless, cookin' all winter long
And summer's here, so let's get ribs on
Bratwurst, beer and some pig ears
Will make you belch and toot

Well, the bug spray better work soon
So we can get to the food
We start getting all bitten up
And man that just ain't cool, yeah

(Chorus):
Summer bites
Dang mosquitos, ticks and chiggers
They all make you scratch and bleed and keep you up at night
Summer bites
They start little and get bigger
Holler if you've ever had a summer bite
Come on

Now fellas, you better watch your slaps
Don't hit them skeeters on her tweeters
Or you'll get some crap
Back to the ladies
Ya'll keep sprayin' that OFF
'Cause one flew deep inside my mouth and made me cough

The OFF is getting low
There it goes, here we go
Here comes our doom, yeah
We start getting all bitten up
And man that just ain't cool, yeah

(Chorus):
Summer bites
Dang mosquitos, ticks and chiggers
They all make you scratch and bleed and keep you up at night
Summer bites
They start little and get bigger
Holler if you've ever had a summer bite

(Bridge):
It's a banquet on us humans
Suckin' blood and even worse
It's West Nile in your file, ya'll
Well, it's dangerous and hurts

(Chorus):
Summer bites
Dang mosquitos, ticks and chiggers
They all make you scratch and bleed and keep you up at night
Summer bites
They start little and get bigger
Holler if you've ever had a summer bite
Come on

(Chorus):
Summer bites
Dang mosquitos, ticks and chiggers
They all make you scratch and bleed and keep you up at night
Summer bites
They start little and get bigger
Holler if you've ever had a summer bite

Yeah, oh are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
For some summer bites

Yeah, baby
Summer bites
It's summer bites
Come on

Jun 14, 2009

Fun With Charts & Graphs: Relative Size Chart #4

Click for a closer view.

Fun With Charts & Graphs: Relative Size Chart #3

Click for a closer view.


YouTube Gems: Todd Snider

Todd Snider's new album "The Excitement Plan" came out this week and it's his strongest in some time (and that's saying a lot). Here's Todd with just his guitar (producer Don Was, looking the same as he ever did, hanging out in the background) performing "America's Favorite Pastime," a tale of LSD and baseball....

Jun 12, 2009

Reintroducing Gary Floater

I don't know how I missed mention of legendary country singer Gary Floater on The 9513 and other bastions of country news in the past. I only found out about him this week when someone entered the search "maple syrup can't stop freedom" (the lyric is actually "maple syrup can't stop eagles" but I'll give 'em a pass since their curiousity led to my discovery) on FTM. I twittered (I will not say tweeted) that lyric to find out what these cryptic but moving words meant and lo' and behold, Mr. Kennedy (Drew, that is, not the wrestler) replied "Gary Floater, look it up." My next few minutes were a journey into destiny. My ears beheld the glory of Mr. Floater's nuggets of wisdom. My days pre-Gary had a vast emptiness I didn't even feel, an unknown longing that has now been satisfied. If Farce the Music had a house band/artist, it would surely be Gary... now it's time for you to discover him too.



And a free download of the tribute album is here: http://www.garyfloater.com/tribute.html

Jun 10, 2009

99 Cent Review: Gretchen Wilson

Gretchen Wilson - If I Could Do It All Again

The People's Take

Noisey and distracting (1 star) – Phoooey! I love Gretchen and almost bought the new single unheard. Glade I gave it a listen. "If I Could Do It All Again" should be done again without all the noise!
by phuky
Editor's note: Come again? I'm thinking phuky accidentally previewed a new Sonic Youth song.

Does not have the same edgy feel (3 stars) –
Gretchen needs to get her act together and start writing those hardcore drinking fighting in a parkinglot songs this song does not do justice she is selling out
by musicman55456
Editor's note: No, I didn't make that review up.


My Take

Comeback attempt #24 (or is it #25?) sees Gretchen Wilson gracefully confessing that if she could magically jet onto the Lost island and turn the frozen donkey wheel to go back a few years (but not to the 70's though, no way she'd trade jeans for jumpsuits, but then again, she might dig that Dharma beer!) she'd do a lot of things different (that sounds familiar). First listen I thought... here we go, another listing song. Yawn. Guns n' Roses was next alphabetically on iTunes so I checked out "Welcome to the Jungle" to cleanse my palate and came back for another play. This time around, I had a completely different reaction. It felt more like a logical line of heartfelt admissions than a listing song...Gretchen's sincerity came through loud and clear. It's a tune that travels a heavily trodden path, but it walks its own steps at its own pace. That said, "If I Could Do It All Again" is very reminiscent of Tim McGraw's "My Next 30 Years" in tone and also in the way it seems perfectly tailored to the singer's life experiences and isn't simply a laundry list of regrets. It's a mature song that fans of Gretchen should relate to as easily as they did "Redneck Woman." It may also pull in a few new fans with its honest delivery and relatable topic. It's no classic but this sounds like a hit, and despite being right in the country-rock vein, it sounds way more country than most of its contemporaries. Here's hoping Gretchen doesn't have to take her earrings off and whoop some radio programmers' asses.

Total value: .75/.99
One More Editor's Note: This was the first .99 review song that actually cost me $1.29 but it's easier to keep .99 as the standard, so the top potential value will remain at that amount.

The Checklist

Check mark symbolChurch/God
Check mark symbolMama (being one... does that count?)
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost LoveCheck mark symbolLove
Hometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Truck
Whiskey
Beer
Check mark symbolLife Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power

Jun 9, 2009

Parody of Jimmy Wayne's "I Will"

I'm Whipped
(parody of Jimmy Wayne's "I Will")

Oh, girl it's you
I bow down to
the one I've been dreamin' of
Now that I know
It's hard to let go
I don't want to lose your love

Here's what I will do
To make you always stay here
Be more of a sister than a lover or mate
If you go out ho'ing
I won't say a word
Girl, I am compliant
Remember for sure
I'm whipped and I will

Give up my balls for you
if you want 'em
Revoke my manhood
you already own it
I'll do anything
It's no shame to bear
It's true
I'm whipped, I'm whipped, I'm whipped

The tears in my eyes
And joy in my life
You're the source of happiness
Do you feel the same
Or am I a little strange
Call me names, get it off your chest

I don't wanna creep you out
Like a stranger
Girl don't call the cops on me now
I thought you and me were a thing
Just slap my face
Or use your knee
It won't cause me pain
I'm whipped, I will

Give up my balls for you
if you want 'em
Revoke my manhood
you already own it
I'll do anything
It's no shame to bear
It's true
I'm whipped, I'm whipped, I'm whipped

I'll grant your wishes every one, 
I'll cut ties with the guys just to hold you
I'm whipped
If you need a woman to talk to 
Well, I'm nearly one it's true
I'm whipped

ah ha

Give up my balls for you
if you want 'em
Revoke my manhood
you already own it
I'll do anything
It's no shame to bear
It's true
I'm whipped, I'm whipped, I'm whipped

Jun 6, 2009

YouTube Gem: Literal They Might Be Giants Video

You might have already seen some of these literal translations of videos... they've been shared a lot on Twitter and Facebook this week. Here's one of They Might Be Giants' hit "Birdhouse in Your Soul." Then, if you haven't seen it, go search YouTube for "Total Eclipse of the Heart literal video." Very funny.


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