YouTube Gems: Charlie Robison

Sound's not so great... but Happy New Year!

Redneck Resolutions

Redneck Resolutions

Done made it through another twelve

Still sane and in one piece

Only spent a month in jail

Been good since I's released

But this year as the fireworks fly

i feel a little strange

And it ain't just this Miller Lite

Naw, it's time i made some change

Chorus

Next year I won't drink Jim Beam ...on the way to church

And I guess I'll quit dippin' ...this tumor reallly hurts

Won't git rough with my woman ...unless she hits me first

Come on new year, big boy, do your worst

Almost got the trailer paid off

And the boy's bout done with school

Plan for his future like I ought

I'll buy him a set of tools

Gonna be nicer to my ex wife

I'll tone it down to "witch"

And if I go road hunting at night

I'll at least park in the ditch

Chorus

And next year I won't drink Old Crow ...till i get off of work

I reckon I'll quit smokin' ...my lungs feel like they'll burst

Won't cuss loud at the Walmart ...and I'll stop stealin' Certs

Come on new year, big boy, do your worst

Bridge

Raise up your tall boys, here's to the future

These are my redneck resolutions

Next year I won't drink so much ...on the way to church

And I guess I'll quit dippin' ...this tumor reallly hurts

Won't git rough with my woman ...unless she hits me first

Come on new year, big boy, do your worst

Come on twenty-ten, do your worst

©2009 Corey Parkman

Farce the Music's Top Albums of 2009

1. Charlie Robison - Beautiful Day

Charlie's "divorce album" is a lean, mean, nearly perfect dish of Texas country. Sharply crafted and passionately performed, this is Robison's most consistent, and likely best, album to date. So solid is this record, Charlie bests his well-regarded brother's recent output, even in the songwriting arena. A broken heart has rarely sounded so good.

Hear this: Down Again

2. Ben Nichols - Last Pale Light in the West

A collection of gritty narratives based on Cormac McCarthy's blood-soaked epic, "Blood Meridian," Ben's solo record is as powerful as anything I've heard this year (and much of last), despite the narrow focus. Nichols tops his band Lucero's major label debut with this strong entry that holds up after myriad replays.

Hear this: Toadvine

3. Buddy and Julie Miller - Written in Chalk

Quiet at times, raucous at others, Buddy and Julie are in fine form on this album and the songs feel timeless. Though it's a lazy comparison, "Written in Chalk" is this year's "Rattlin' Bones."

Hear this: Chalk

4. Magnolia Electric Company - Josephine

Haunting. I don't know of any other way to describe lead singer Jason Molina's voice (okay, besides "acquired taste"). Gorgeous - that's how I'd describe Josephine.

Hear this: O Grace

5. Lucero - 1372 Overton Park

My favorite band hits the "big time" with their first release for Universal. Did they sell out? Nah. Change their sound? Well, they gussied it up a smidge with a few (ok, crapload of) horns. The honking doesn't detract from the sound for me, but the raw emotion that pulled me into this band in the first place seems to have ebbed just a bit. Still a very worthy release and possibly the best entry point for listeners new to the band.

Hear this: Hey Darlin' Do You Gamble

6. BettySoo - Heat Sin Water Skin

My favorite new discovery of the year. The emotion will grab you, the lines will cut you and the melodies will never leave your mind.

Hear this: Just Another Lover

7. Wrinkle Neck Mules - Let the Lead Fly

Hear this: Pull Me From the Wreckage

8. Great Lake Swimmers - Lost Channels

Great Lake Swimmers expand on their sound with Lost Channels, without losing any of the beauty.

Hear this: Pulling on a Line, Still

9. Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears - Tell 'em What Your Name Is

My second favorite new discovery of the year, these guys are good-time seventies fun mixed with raunchy R&B mixed with some indie garage rock rawness. I dare you not to dance... or at least tap your foot like crazy.

Hear this: Sugarfoot

10. Drew Kennedy - An Audio Guide to Cross Country Travel

FTM doesn't play favorites - I like what I like. That said, I'm proud to welcome friend of FTM Drew Kennedy to the top 10 with a truly deserving release. His literate, unorthodox (for country) writing style and soulful vocals stand far above the crowd in the Texas music scene. He inhabits these road-themed character sketches with natural ease.

Hear this: Cincinnati, Rolling Around in the Bed

The Rest:

11. The Black Crowes - Before the Frost...Until the Freeze

12. Justin Townes Earle - Midnight at the Movies

13. Son Volt - American Central Dust

14. The Devil Makes Three - Do Wrong Right

15. Slaid Cleaves - Everything You Love Will Be Taken Away

16. Joshua James - Build Me This

17. Switchfoot - Hello Huricane

18. Miranda Lambert - Revolution

19. Krizz Kaliko - Genius

20. Mastodon - Crack the Skye

21. The Avett Bros. - I And Love And You

22. Brad Paisley - American Saturday Night

23. Chris Knight - Trailer Tapes II

24. Joe Nichols - Old Things New

25. George Strait - Twang

26. Drive-by Truckers - The Fine Print

27. The Dustin Bentall Outfit - Six Shooter

28. Them Crooked Vultures - s/t

29. Pearl Jam - Backspacer

30. Tom Russell - Blood and Candle Smoke

31. Sons of Bill - One Town Away

32. Deer Tick - Born on Flag Day

33. Those Darlins - s/t

34. Grant Langston - Stand Up Man

35. Guy Clark - Somedays the Song Writes You

36. Pete Bernhard - Straight Line

37. Steve Earle - Townes

38. Jay-Z - The Blueprint 3

39. Scott Warren - Quick Fix Bandage

40. Holly Williams - Here With Me

41. The Fox Hunt - America's Working So We Don't Have To

42. Jason Isbell and The 400 Unit - s/t

43. Eric Church - Carolina

44. Drive-by Truckers - Live From Austin, TX

45. Carolyn Mark and NQ Arbuckle - Let's Just Stay Here

46. Willie Nelson & Asleep At The Wheel - Willie and the Wheel

47. Old Californio - Westering Again

48. Wilco - Wilco (The Album)

49. The Deep Dark Woods - Winter Hours

50. Phosphorescent - To Willie

51. John Moreland & The Black Gold Band - Endless Oklahoma Sky

52. Robert Earl Keen - The Rose Hotel

53. Dave Matthews Band - Big Whiskey & The Groogrux King

54. Roman Candle - Oh Tall Tree in the Ear

55. Red Fang - s/t

56. Jason Eady - When the Money's All Gone

57. Todd Snider - The Excitement Plan

58. Austin Lucas - Somebody Loves You

59. Megadeth - Endgame

60. The Pines - Tremolo

Author's note: all the albums on this list are very much worth a listen - there were others I enjoyed this year, but I had to cut it off somewhere.

Top 10 Rejected Alternate Names for Fast Ryde

10. Dadangdang

09. Biggr n' Richr

08. The Borchetta Boyz

07. NWA (nobz with attitude)

06. F-One Fiddy

05. Gritzncollardz

04. RydenDurdy

03. Whyte-Tang Clan

02. Ryde-a-Cowboyz

01. Pro-Toolz

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #25

Resolve that in the new year, you will write every day. You wake up every day, you floss them pearlies every day, you hit a shot of the Jager every morning, your wife fixes you a big plate of breakfast every day, you go off to your uhhhm, "work" every day, right? So schedule in some writing time every damn day. You can't get as good as me if - scratch that, you can't get as good as me - but you can't get as good as Jeffrey Steele if you only write when you feel like it. Man, if I only broke off a piece when I felt like it, I wouldn't be the redneck ramrod Romeo you ladies know and love. Happy New Year, toolbags!

Not actually written by John Rich.

FTM's Favorite Songs of '09

Here's a very eclectic list of Farce the Music's favorite songs of 2009. You may be surprised/dismayed with a couple of the choices, given FTM's general dislike of certain genre trends. Several of the listings have links where you can listen to the song.

Song/Artist/Album

"Helpless" Angela Easterling Black Top Road

"Go West" Austin Lucas Somebody Loves You

"Toadvine" Ben Nichols The Last Pale Light in the West

"Just Another Lover" BettySoo Heat Sin Water Skin

"Houston Don't Dream About Me" The Black Crowes Before The Frost...Until The Freeze

"Sugarfoot" Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears Tell 'Em What Your Name Is!

"Welcome To The Future" Brad Paisley American Saturday Night

"Chalk" feat. Patty Griffin Buddy And Julie Miller Written In Chalk

"Passing Dream" Carolyn Mark and N.Q. Arbuckle Let's Just Stay Here

"Reconsider" Charlie Robison Beautiful Day

"Blame Me" Chris Knight Trailer Tapes II

"Rainy Night In Georgia" Chris Young The Man I Want To Be

"Long Gone To Saskatchewan" Corb Lund Losin' Lately Gambler

"The Corner" Cory Branan & Jon Snodgrass Cory Branan & Jon Snodgrass (split)

"All The Money I Had Is Gone" The Deep Dark Woods Winter Hours

"Easy" Deer Tick Born On Flag Day

"Help Yourself" The Devil Makes Three Do Wrong Right

"Cincinnati" Drew Kennedy An Audio Guide to Cross Country Travel

"Play It All Night Long" Drive-By Truckers The Fine Print

"Three Thousand Miles" The Dustin Bentall Outfit Six Shooter

"Where She Told Me To Go" Eric Church Carolina

"Years Ago" The Ethers Early Winter

"Wheels" Foo Fighters Greatest Hits

"Out Of Sight Out Of Mind" George Strait Twang

"Shreveport" The Gourds Haymaker!

"Pulling On A Line" Great Lake Swimmers Lost Channels

"The Guitar" Guy Clark Somedays the Song Writes You

"He's Making A Fool Out Of You" Holly Williams Here With Me

"Soldiers Get Strange" Jason Isbell And The 400 Unit s/t

"Young Forever" (Featuring Mr Hudson) Jay-Z The Blueprint 3

"Shape I'm In" Joe Nichols Old Things New

"Coal War" Joshua James Build Me This

"Mama's Eyes" Justin Townes Earle Midnight At The Movies

"Bipolar" Krizz Kaliko Genius

"Need You Now" Lady Antebellum Need You Now - Single

"Hey Darlin' Do You Gamble" Lucero 1372 Overton Park

"Oblivion" Mastodon Crack The Skye

"White Liar" Miranda Lambert Revolution

"Lazy Old San Gabriels" Old Californio Westering Again

"The End" Pearl Jam Backspacer

"Mint Condition" Pete Bernhard Straight Line

"The Last Thing I Needed (First Thing This Morning)" Phosphorescent To Willie

"Prehistoric Dog" Red Fang s/t

"Fire Bomb" Rihanna Rated R

"Starting From Scratch" Roman Candle Oh Tall Tree In The Ear

"Draggin' Down The Line" Scott H. Biram Something's Wrong/Lost Forever

"Sin In Indiana" Scott Miller For Crying Out Loud

"Before You Say Goodbye" Scott Warren Quick Fix Bandage

"Jukebox of Steel" Son Volt American Central Dust

"End In Flames" Strand of Oaks Leave Ruin

"Red Eyes" Switchfoot Hello Hurricane

"Gunman" Them Crooked Vultures s/t

"Hung Up On Me" Those Darlins Those Darlins

"You Had To Be There" Tim McGraw Southern Voice

"Greencastle Blues" Todd Snider The Excitement Plan

"Criminology" Tom Russell Blood and Candle Smoke

"Your Love and His Blood" Wayne Hancock Viper of Melody

"One Wing" Wilco Wilco (The Album)

"Pull Me From the Wreckage" Wrinkle Neck Mules Let the Lead Fly

Songs Illustrated: Christmas Edition

Parody of Alabama's "Christmas in Dixie"

Christmas in Holcomb

(A Parody of Alabama's "Christmas in Dixie")

By now in Cascilla, whitetails are on the ground

And out in Geeslin Corner, Old Milwaukee’s pourin’ down

And, maybe down in Red Hill, the trailers are in lights

In Grenada, Mississippi...Walmart’s shut down tonight

Christmas in Holcomb, hope yer mama and them’s alright

Merry Christmas from Holcomb, to all of ya’ll tonight

School’s out in Winona. The kids are shootin’ pool

There's magic in Gore Springs; Rednecks is in the groove

In Duck Hill, Mississippi, up north to Coffeeville

And all ‘cross Calhoun City, there’s turkey on the grill

Christmas in Holcomb, hope yer mama and them’s alright

Merry Christmas from Holcomb, to all of ya’ll tonight

And from here on Sweethome Road

God bless y'all...Yee haw...Happy New Year...You kids get outta them presents

Baby, bring me another beer...Merry Christmas tonight!

Country Christmas Parody Covers 2009

LeVox Celebrates His Farcies Win with New Tattoo

Christmas Parody Album Covers 09

Tomorrow will bring this year's country Christmas parody covers. Today we visit the pop, rock, comedy and schlock genres.

10 Worst Country Singles of 2009

2009 was a banner year for crap in the world of country music. There's no way I could summarize the sad state of the genre with only ten bad tunes, but allow me to try. Here are the worst country singles of 2009, in no particular order.

Tyler Dean - Taylor Swift

Ample cause for a restraining order if ever there was one. Can't hide the proof. It's right there on iTunes with a 2 star rating. And furthermore, they rereleased it on iTunes after Taylor's late year awards. We hated it the first time, dude.

Jimmy Wayne - Sara Smile

I actually have no problem with a country singer covering Hall & Oates, but for the sake of my sanity and human decency, at least pick a good H&O song, and at least attempt to make it sound country.

Phil Vassar - Bobbi with an "I"

A song about a good ol' boy who likes to cross dress? Did Phil's record company somehow get their demographics and marketing studies mixed up with Lady Gaga's? I'm not shocked by its content, just that it was actually released to country radio.

Bucky Covington - Gotta Be Somebody

More processed than cheese spread, but not nearly as tasty. They could have had one of those NOAA weather radio voices sing this song and I might not know the difference. And holy mother of drive by truckers, it's a Nickelback cover. Why? Just why?

Billy Currington - That's How Country Boys Roll

This is how a country boy turns the station.

Jessie James - My Cowboy

The only thing country about this song is the title. Does that necessarily make it one of the worst country singles of the year? Well, yes... but on artistic merit alone, it's still not good.

Fast Ryde - That Thang

"That Thang" is inexplicably better than their second single, "Make it Rain" (a "farming is hard" anthem so shallow it makes Jason Aldean sound like Levon Helm), but since this ode to country girl bootay is higher profile, it gets the slot. One of the most annoying choruses ever sung. Dang me.

Krista Marie - Jeep Jeep

This one got deservedly ripped to shreds in my .99 review. Krista's decent voice aside, this song is a second-rate product that should never have been released. More like a Yugo than a Jeep.

Jake Owen - Eight Second Ride

That this is supposed to be a sexy song but it has that "spit cup" line in it automatically adds the song to this list by default.

George Strait - River of Love

We hope for more from the King than this warmed-over seventies pop-country, but since he made it up to us with the stellar "Twang" album, this song's inclusion here is just a minor speed bump. In the grand scheme of things, it's better than the other songs on this list and the dishonorable mentions, but as they say, "to whom much is given much is expected."

Dishonorable Mentions: Rodney Atkins "Chasin' Girls" - Toby Keith "God Love Her" - Jason Aldean "She's Country"

Top 10 Wishes on Any Real Good ol' Girl's Christmas List

(according to country music)

10. $10,000 Gift certificate to Panama Tan

9. Crate of Jack Daniels (to brush up on ability to hold her liquor)

8. A quadruple barrel shotgun (to shoot abusive, cheating boyfriend)

7. Year's supply of cut off jeans

6. Year's supply of bikini tops

5. Swimming lessons (so she can skinny dip without drowning)

4. Touch up on tramp stamp

3. Enough condoms for one year of Friday nights

2. Bible

1. A real good ol' boy

Top 10 Wishes on Any Real Good ol' Boy's Christmas List

(according to country music)

10. A second winch (in case the first one burns out)

9. Gift certificate to Beer and Pork Rinds Emporium

8. False teeth (to replace ones lost due to Skoal dipping)

7. A case of Skoal

6. David Allan Coe discography (on cassette tape)

5. A triple barrel shotgun (to shoot beer cans)

4. A new hunting dog

3. A new shotgun for new hunting dog

2. Tanning spray for right arm

1. A real good ol' girl

Rodney Atkins' Parody

15 Minutes

(Parody of Rodney Atkins' "15 Minutes")

I took a fall from the music charts, late oh-nine

With all my number one singles, I really don't know why

Yeah I was going strong

Thought fame would last long

But I guess that's a lie

I used to be all jet set

Now it's coach when I fly

I had "These Are My People"

And three or four more, that's right

And it was the best

15 minutes of my life

Now I’ve heard it said

Two flops in a row 'll kill you

But I thought it was still true

That simple's always in style

My fav'rite rhyme is world, yeah, with girl

Deep thinkin' ain’t advised

Got a formula

Dopey stuff and stereotypes

I've got songs about tractors

Spilled nuggets and girls, so why

Was that the best

15 minutes of my life?

Oh why

What did I ever do to radio

Think I'm going to be cleaning my gun tonight

I had "These Are My People"

And one about hell, that's right

And it was the best

15 minutes of my life

Stardom was the best

15 minutes of my life

That’s right

Hello?

Great Christmas Gift Idea!

Skoal Ringers - the jean with the built in ring!

Unavailable in all stores!

Click for a closer view.

Country Day Bonus Track

Country Day: December 09