Anyone Who Wears a Flat Brim Cap
Here's where I show my age and my lack of swag. I guess this isn't necessarily music related (though I saw some people wearing these at Riverfest a couple weeks ago), but this is a trend that's really getting my goat right now. Flat f*cking brim hats. This is the dumbest looking style that has come onto my radar in some time (yeah, it's been around a few years, but it's just now getting big across the south), and dammit, I've lived through parachute pants (did not have), denim jackets (yep), mullets (did have), tight rolled jeans (once or twice), tramp stamps (uh no), saggy drawers (hell no!) and zip off cargo pants (?).
Basically, some "kids these days" (males ages 13-22) are wearing baseball hats with the brims either flattened out manually or purposely bought that way. I'm talking flat enough to set a drink up there for later. Flat enough to install solar panels. And they mean for it to look that way, it's not that the caps are un-broken in. To further piss me off, these whippersnappers cock the hats back on their pinheads at odd angles or turned slightly sideways. It is my belief that these young men sport them in this manner, not to attract the opposite sex (as if), but to rebel against the rules and laws of pleasing aesthetics.
As if the wearing of the egregious headgear and the askew presentation wasn't enough, some of these under-22 males have large, ugly-ass stickers on the bills. Really? Why don't they just go on and wear a purple top-hat that says "I'm a moron" on it? That would make it slightly easier for me to avoid them. I wouldn't have to get close enough to see their acne riddled face before realizing that they were, in fact, not of high enough intelligence to give me the directions I was seeking or tell me what time it was.
I'm not sure what culture originated this style, but it looks stupid on red and yellow, black and white - they are not precious in my sight - so it's not something I "don't understand" because I'm not of a particular race. I've seen these caps on white kids more than anyone and it looks drop-dead foolish regardless of skin tone.
Happily, these dolts' pushed back caps provide a clearer shot for decent humans and members of the style police to punch their smug faces in. And yes, do this at home. I fully support those who would inflict (moderate) harm on perpetrators of this horrific look. (for legal reasons I ask that you not say I gave you the idea though and if said activity happens, I was just kidding a couple of sentences ago... ha ha I meant ridicule, not physical harm)
You put a fist in their face, I'll punch 'em in the sack. Hopefully they'll never reproduce.
Some related links:
Things I Can't Stand (language warning!)
LOL. This was already an extremely stupid trend five years ago, when I was in high school. Maybe it started up here in the Pacific Northwest.
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