Apr 5, 2011

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Justin Moore - If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away

Justin Moore - If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away


I was excited for a moment when I read the title of this new country music composition. It even started off nice enough too. But as you might expect, things went to the opposite of Heaven pretty quickly.


Mr. Moore ponders the things he might do if Heaven weren't beyond the reach of human hands. Well, Justin, if Heaven were as far as from here to Greenwood, MS, who would even care to go there once their earthly toil were finished? I don't even want to go to Greenwood, for that matter. It smells like rotten eggs and soybeans.


As spotless as my record has been (after that short stint with the pill-popping Gypsies in college), I might even turn to a life of worldliness if Heaven wasn't a perfect escape from this sinful plot of soil and strip malls.


In John, Jesus tells us that he has gone to prepare a place for us and will come and get us later on. He DOES NOT say to drop by when you're on furlough from the prison. Where's the specialness in that? If we could drop in and visit Aunt Martha any old time (not that I want to, I bet she still has that B.O. problem), there would be no sorrow in this world to teach us the benefit of withholding pleasure. People might be having unsanctioned intercourse in the streets with that little inherent limit on desire.


That's not even the worst thing about this song. Justin claims he'd visit his "ol' huntin' dog" if he could. Animals are not in Heaven. They do not have a soul, therefore, they just return to the rotting soil from hence they were produced. Sorry PETA.


He also says that Janis Joplin is in Heaven. Heaven forbid! If that skank has passed through the Pearly Gates with the Lord's permission… I'd rather stay down here with the dead puppies and kitties. That woman did more drugs every night than my son-in-law did at Ole Miss his entire 8 year college tenure.


In summary, this is a profane and irreligious song gussied up with spiritual subject matter to fool country radio listeners into reducing Heaven to a figurative and demeaned idyll. I wish no part of the knee-high to a stink bug Mr. Moore's debauched entertainment.


F!

2 comments:

  1. Larry Lee's reviews always earn an A from me!

    ReplyDelete
  2. In all seriousness, the song does mention all the pills Hank took in 53......that's reason enough for me not to like it. Well, and Justin Moore sings it.

    ReplyDelete

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