Teabagger, I mean, mailbagger Kevin in Cincy writes: John, at what age did you realize country songwriting was the only possible career outlet for you?
Well Kev, I got my first guitar when I was four and wrote a song about the hot six year old next door that very day. Hold up! I think you were inferring that maybe I don't have any other bankable skills. Bitch please! I could have been a porn star, I got the 'stache and the "stash" if you know what I mean. I could have been in the UFC if they allowed weapons. I'm mean with the metal pipe. Those are only two of my many skills. Get off my crotch.
*Not actually written by John Rich