Jul 11, 2011

"Life Metal" Band Actually Very Brutal

From time to time, I may write fake news stories, similar to the ones I write for Country California, that aren't about country artists... I wrote this one a while back and forgot about it. Maybe that was for the best.


"Life Metal" Band Actually Very Brutal

"Life metal" band Virile Parturition wants fans of similar genres like death metal, goregrind and brutal death metal to know that they are just as brutal, despite their decidedly different lyrical approach.

"My boy Knute on the lead guitar plays faster and louder than anybody on the f*ckin' face of this wonderful world." said lead singer Geoff Paulstein, "You can put our work alongside anybody from Cannibal Corpse, Dying Fetus, Venom… and quite honestly, you won't be able to tell a difference. Unless you read the lyric sheet."

For better or worse, Paulstein is correct. From their unreadably brutal-looking band logo to their machine gun percussion section to the brutal cookie monster vocals, Virile Parturition is virtually indistinguishable from Necrophagist, Decapitated, Brain Drill and other bands who delight in death, gore and dismemberment.

What sets VP apart, by a long shot, is their preference for positivity and celebrating life. "Now we ain't no Christian band or nothing," said Popeye-forearmed drummer Keith "Hammer" Hales, "We get graphic too - biology can be very disgusting - and we cuss a lot… but mostly we just get off on being brutally in love with life!"

Featuring lyrics like "Feel the f**king throb of plasma/Digestion into intestinal miasma," Virile Parturition isn't afraid to get downright explicit with their lyrics. Their song "Parturient Prostitute" describes in detail the bloody but charmingly unpalatable birthing process of an 18th century sex-worker with gut churning lines like "She screwed Parliamentarians to pay the rent- ahhhh… Now she's screaming, squeezing out placenta."

While most of their album covers don't feature the blood and guts that go along with the particular sound of the band, Paulstein insists that life is every bit as brutal as death. "Do you know what sort of stresses the joints experience in a day's time?" he asked, "Our song 'Orthopedic Rehabilitation' is every bit as revolting and brutal as, say, Carcass' 'Exhume to Consume.'"

Their third album Culmination of Copulation has already been banned from Walmart shelves due to the sheer brutality of the sound and the words, according to Hales, though Walmart officials said they'd never heard of the group or album.

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