Jul 31, 2012

Radio Promo Ad for Rich O'Toole's New Single

What is Brantley doing?

*FTM in no way asserts that Brantley Gilbert smokes meth. A lot of his fans do, though.

Single Review: Greg Bates - Did It For the Girl

According to his iTunes bio, before signing his record deal, Greg Bates "immersed himself in the neo-traditionalist styles of greats such as Dwight Yoakam and Randy Travis." You wouldn't know that by listening to his current single, "Did It For the Girl."

In fact, even the biggest modern country fan couldn't be faulted for thinking Jake Bates and his song had already been a top 10 hit in recent months. It sounds like any and every other male mid-tempo country-pop love song that has graced the airwaves in the last 8 years. It's adequately written, decently sung by Greg James and features an overly familiar but somewhat catchy melody that you might find yourself humming for a week or two, but two months from now, won't be able to distinguish from any other male mid-tempo country-pop love song. It's completely without personality and anything to set it apart.

That to say, Greg Hayes is perfect Clearchannel time-filler. Little Madison's mom won't switch the station while driving from soccer to ballet and that's all that matters. Cha-ching!

I've had more than one online friend/follower tell me to look out for this guy, this Greg Brice. Unfortunately, my first impression is the facelessness of "Did It For the Girl," and that's going to be a difficult impression to shake.

Is it a terrible song? No. Does Gary Bates show potential? Honestly, I don't know… maybe it's in there, buried below the meh and blah and unremarkableness. Time will tell, but for now, I'm not even interested in what comes next from Brad Gates.


Update: I just heard a few songs from Bates' album and most of them are fairly neo-traditional. Still, it doesn't change the fact that I'm not a fan of this single.

Jul 30, 2012

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #61

Don't worry about writing a country song. Just write a damn song! If it has at least one memorable melody in it, a catchy title and 5-7 relatable images - you're freaking gold, baby! "Country music" means the music of America, not the music of rural America. That whole authenticity requirement was outmoded years ago along with flip phones, VCR's and morality. So, listen to rap, pop, folk (just kidding! folk is for liberals!), jazz (just kidding! people only pretend to like jazz), rock and metal for your inspiration. Don't bother with listening to country music before 1993. That stuff is lame. I mean, sure, put the names of a few singers from pre-93 in there, but you don't have to actually like their music. Remember what I said about authenticity? LOLZ, authenticity is for collectible plates, baseball cards and autographed porn star panties. I only worry about being an authentic Honky Pimp Shaft. Flip the radio over to the Urban Jamz station. Hear that? That's what half of Nashville will be doing in 9 months, so hop on tha train before yo ass get left at da station! Now, flip over to the active rock station. That's what the other half of Nashville will be doing in 9 months. So crank up the amps, hate your parents and grow a goatee or be so two-thousand late. Your homey John Rich is always at the forefront of innovation, homogenization, sweet money makin', inebriation and sexual relations so get with the mack. Who you gonna listen to? Barbara Cloyd or me? That's what I thought. Peace out.

*Not actually written by John Rich.

New Laura Bell Bundy Single Cover Revealed

Monday Morning Memes: Darius Rucker, Tim McGraw and Hat Acts

Jul 26, 2012

Somebody Had to Say It eCard

Honest Colt Ford Radio Promo Ad

New Bucky Covington/Shooter Jennings Single Cover Revealed

OMG Reviews: Toby Keith - I Like Girls That Drink Beer

by Brittany Fant, 14-year-old music fan and aspiring reviewer

Click here to listen to the song.

I'm 2 young 2 drink beer and Toby Keith is decrepit old so why am I even listening to this? Uhhh, he's such a redneck. He like loves America so much he wants to put a boot up people's booty. That's disgusting. I'm patriotic I guess, but not like that. Maybe if Hunter Hayes wore a pair of red, white and blue skinny jeans, I'd salute Old Glory even more! Hunter, I love yououououououououou!

Sooo, pretty much, this song is about how this greasy old chunky guy likes girls who drink beer. It sounds really country. I mean really really country. Like old country. U know ---> like it came from the 90s or something, when my parents were just out of college. They didn't even have cell phones or the internet or Facebook back then. How did they even make it for more than an hour without going crazy?

This song isn't good. Toby Keith is gross. He looks like one of those guys that gets caught on To Catch a Predator. Like, "Uh, howdy Chris Hanson, I was just here 2 teach this young girl how 2 sing songs about putting footwear in bottoms."

People like Toby Keith and George Strait should just go on and check in2 the rest home and leave REAL COUNTRY MUSIC to the stars of today, like HUNTER HUNTER HUNTER and THOMAS RHETT and HUNTER HUNTER HUNTER!

0 heart hands

Jul 25, 2012

3 Up 3 Down: July 2012

3 Up

Zac Brown Band - The Wind
Unfortunately, it seems the band led off this new album's single era with the best song of the bunch. That doesn't do anything to blunt the impact of this thoroughly enjoyable, heart-racing bluegrass pop-country tune. Probably one of the best commercial country songs of the year.

Lee Brice - Hard to Love
I've read people comparing this to a couple of Tom Petty songs, but I don't really hear it. What I hear is an undeniably catchy, honest-sounding modern country song that veers a little too close to adult contemporary at times, but still stands above the fray. It's well-written, decently performed and thankfully free of trucks, cutoffs and beer.

Jerrod Niemann - Shinin' On Me
This is hardly, barely a country song, but it just sounds so damn cool. Niemann's laid-back delivery, left-of-center instrumentation and the crisply askew production makes this winner of a summer song, avoiding nearly all the cliches so common to this season on commercial country radio. Is it the best written song ever? Of 2012? Of this month? Probably no to all of those, but it's darn sure a treat for the ears.

3 Down

Little Big Town - Pontoon
I hope that's out of their system now. This is a talented band. I'm not sure why they took the easy route to.. oh wait, yeah I do: $$$. These guys have great voices and up to this point have released pretty decent singles. This dunderhead song broke that streak. It's a lockstep summer anthem with nary an original thought and a goofy "motorboatin'" hook to hook the teens and pervs. Not really anything redeeming about this song. Do better, LBT.

Tim McGraw - Truck Yeah
What else can be said, really? I could copy and paste all the synonyms for "feces," but I already did that the time Bucky Covington covered Nickelback. Can you believe this is actually worse than that? It's improbable but true. Also, if Tim continues in this direction, he will easily overtake Luke Bryan and Brantley Gilbert on FTM's shit-list within months. For the love of all things decent and good, Tim, stop this. You're embarrassing yourself.

Blake Shelton - Over
It's not that this is such a horrible song, but it's a mediocre potboiler right at the time Shelton should be delivering massive hits to cement his place as an A-Lister (please shape up Blake! I'd rather have you as an A-Lister than Luke Bryan!). It's a position-holder to keep his brand on the charts and his name in listeners' ears. Blake is at the apex of his fame - shouldn't he use this position to cut and record the best Nashville songwriters have to offer? This is fluff that nobody will remember in… yep, already gone. I honestly can't make this song play in my head even after listening to it for review. It's that forgettable.

Luke Bryan Needs to Loosen Up

Bad Luck Hank?

Yeah, I know. Too many memes this week. 
I'll try to get back to more typical content as soon as possible, but work is nuts this week.

Jul 24, 2012

Condescending Wonka on Outlaws

EP Review - Proud Cut Ponies

by Kelcy Salisbury

So back about two months ago I was asked to give a listen to a new band, and consider reviewing their material.  The band called themselves Proud Cut Ponies, and my initial thoughts were, #1 "Oh great, another Texas/Red Dirt/Outlaw country band that thinks they're doing something cool and original" and #2 "At least they appear to have a sense of humor, based on the name".  It took a little while before I even bothered to listen to the Lubbock, TX based bands EP, and even longer to finally get around to reviewing it (sorry but my real world job takes up a little bit of time).  I can honestly say I was pleasantly surprised by Proud Cut Ponies...and I wonder how many people outside their current fan base will get all the levels of the joke in their name (the Angel Dust reference is the easy part, for you city folks at least).
My overall impression was that the band immediately reminded me of the John D Hale Band (a criminally underrated country band out of Southeast Missouri if you're not familiar).  The story-telling brand of songwriting is quite similar, and that's a good thing in my book.
I didn't hear a single song about floating the river, or how awesome it is to be from Texas...another positive on the first listen.  Cigarette seems kind of familiar, perhaps a bit too much so, but Corby Owens sells it with all his might in the vocals, the guitar work is more than adequate, the drumming is solid and the song works.  My only complaint with it was that the bass was hard to find in the mix, although it could have been due to the relatively low quality speakers I heard it on.  Jesse James opens with a buzzing riff that sounds like it borrows heavily from Heart's "Barracuda", which seems a bit off-putting at first given the subject matter of the song.  But again the band means what they're doing and the sincerity with which they sell the song makes it work.  This tune is the one that most calls John D Hale's songwriting to mind.  It's simple, straightforward, even blunt, but it's also very effective at painting the picture of the story it tells.  The EP closes with Guitar Hero, which is easily the strongest song of the set.  The songwriting is very good, Corby Owens' voice is better suited to this song than the previous two and the music is perfectly suited to the song.  It's extremely well done & it sold me on the EP & on the future possibilities for Proud Cut Ponies. 
Proud Cut Ponies are Corby Owens on lead vocals, Drake Hayes on Bass, Jamie Berryhill on lead guitar, and Roy Stout on drums.  You can check them out and hear their songs at www.facebook.com/proudcutponies . I've heard a rumor that tee-shirts and other merchandise are available as well, so if you've ever wanted an "I Love PCP" shirt (and who doesn't need one of those for the family reunion? I know I do) they can help you out with that.  Seriously, these guys are a cut above the vast majority of new music I've heard coming out of the TX/OK scene in the last few years so give it a listen.

Not sure of a release date for the EP, but we'll let you know. For the time being, check them out here: http://www.reverbnation.com/proudcutponies for tour dates and other information.

New Bucky Covington Cover Art Revealed

Jul 21, 2012

Saturday Night Music: Guns n' Roses

Appetite For Destruction turns 25 years old today and though we'll likely never seen Guns n' Roses back in its original form, we'll always have this beast of a debut album (My favorite album of all time).

Jul 18, 2012

YouTube Junk: The Lost Trailers go Hip-Hop

Remember The Lost Trailers? Me neither.

Chris Brown's New T-Shirt

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Kip Moore - Beer Money

Kip Moore - Beer Money
(listen at this link, if you wish to soil your soul)

After a couple of good, wholesome songs for review, Trailer has returned to sending me these typically worldly "country" songs that can cause a believer to stumble. Even sending me a song like this is considered sin in the holy gaze of the Father. "Beer Money" by Kip Moore is a deviant song about misusing one's income to worship at the foul-smelling feet of Satan. 

If you have some money, you didn't make that money. Somebody else made that happen! The great and perfect heavenly Lord let you borrow that money. We are just to be the stewards.

So what does Mr. Kip Moore do with GOD'S MONEY??? He purchases the products of that great Idol of Evil, Adolphus Busch. Kip uses money that may be intended for the purchase of tracts to hand out to despicable sinners outside the very country music concerts he performs at for getting drunk.

We've already discussed the wickedness of fermented drink. A TRUE Christian's lips should NEVER touch alcohol (ahem, Catholics), much less use the devil's urine to become intoxicated. Why, I'd rather grab a roach off the floor of my daughter and son-in-law's disgusting trailer and eat it than have even a molecule of  "Bud Platinum" evaporate on my tongue. Or the "Natty Light" said son-in-law has rolling around in the bed of his truck. I fear that boy will drag my offspring to the deepest canyon of Hades.

Speaking of Hades, this perverse singer sings positively of "raising hell." Were you brought up by crack harlots and biker gangs, Kip Moore??? For shame! I can hardly contain my indignation about this song and living in a country that would embrace such "art" with open, tattooed arms. Handbasket, meet Hell.


The Hulk Goes Country

Lyrics Illustrated: Truck Yeah!

Jul 17, 2012

The Cody James Boots winner is....

Congratulations to Bridgette @_redassassin_ for winning Farce the Music's Cody James Boots giveaway!!!! Better luck next time to the rest of you. We'll have a giveaway of the new Old Crow Medicine Show and Blackberry Smoke albums in upcoming days, so you'll have another chance to be a winner!

Brantley Gilbert Fans Meme

New Toby Keith Single Cover Revealed

Brantley Gilbert Concert Bingo


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