Look, sex sells. I'm living proof of that. I mean, I'm a pretty damn good songwriter, but if it weren't for my dashing good looks and ass that won't quit, I'd be just another Jamey Johnson. All that said, it's okay to put a little booty in your country song. Times have changed and you ain't gotta be shy about a good f**kin' song. Now, you can't say "f**kin'" or anything but you can use euphemisms and innuendo to your advantage. Instead of saying "I wanna put my big ol' c*** in your ****y," you might soften it a little like "Let me churn your waters with my outboard motor." Or, instead of "Your big t*****s get me hard," you might go with something more romantic like "Your Hank t-shirt makes my Bocephus sing." See, it's not that difficult. You can appeal to the female demographic and the horny bros at the same time. Write you an outline of a lovely night tapping ass in a long-bed parked on the water tower road and fill it in with some details that make the ladies swoon. Stuff like: a girl dressed in nothin' but a flower in her hair, handprints in steam on the windows of your Ford, a threesome because you love both of them so much you couldn't choose. Classy shit like that. Get writing, bitches!
*not actually written by John Rich