Dec 18, 2014

10 Worst Country Singles of 2014

Worst Country Singles of 2014

1. Jerrod Niemann - Donkey
Four of the worst singles in country music history were released in 2014 and Jerrod Niemann was responsible for 50% of those. Well done, jackass. In attempts to "change with the times" and "stay hip" and "get it turnt up to 100 with the young people," Niemann put out 2 bombs I can't even listen to without looking for the Pepto. One of those actually managed to become a #1 hit. This one, thankfully, utterly torpedoed the current phase of Niemann's career. I don't wish harm upon his ability to earn money and provide for his family, but I'm very happy that he's going to have to stop sucking to become relevant again. "Donkey" is sexist, stupid, arrogant, and repugnant. Try again, Niemann.

2. Jason Aldean - Burnin' It Down
Four of the worst singles in country music history were released in 2014 and Jason Aldean put out the sleaziest of those 4. I'm glad I didn't grow up in a generation in which enough of the target demographic thought this was sexy enough to make it a hit. "Burnin' It Down" is about as sexy as skid marks on silk panties. The fact that this piece of crap is from somebody about as worthy of hero-worship as John Edwards makes it all the more gag-inducing.

3. Florida-Georgia Line - Sun Daze
This song is about dumbasses smoking dope on a Sunday and having sex where food is prepared. What more do you need to hate it? There's whistling, fake reggae approximations, white boy slang, and not even enough of a melody to make it accidentally get stuck in your head. If hanging out with sexual harassment-prone douchebag burnouts whose goal in life is to collect wallet chains and sunglasses is your thing, by all means, get your Sun Daze on. I'll be over here listening to Sturgill.

4. Jerrod Niemann - Drink to That All Night
The verses of this song are delivered in a fashion that it can be classified as neither talk singing nor rapping; he sounds disinterested, and who can blame him? This is a staccato, autotuned mess of cliches and swagger that makes me prefer flipping Jerrod the bird over throwing my hands up high. Mainstream country's need to include every genre or trend from the Hot 40 is perplexing, pathetic and cringe-inducing. This garbage song is symbolic of country's identity crisis in 2014. Jerrod Niemann has talent, but this year he chose to chase a buck over finding a sustainable and signature sound to develop himself into a career artist. If he continues on this path, he'll be a Wikipedia footnote about two-thousand-teens country music.

5. Cole Swindell - Chillin' It
Cole seems like a nice enough guy. However, his 2014 stardom seems more the end product of good connections over actual talent. Luke Bryan's former merch guy karaokes his way through this potboiler of a summer anthem with all the conviction of a nervous 8th grader doing his first persuasive speech about the dangers of asbestos removal in Mrs. Latham's third block Thursday class. It's also about that interesting. The production isn't much better either. It's probably the first example of bro-country lite that seems to be taking over the airwaves lately: less obnoxious songs about trucks and girls that are no less uninteresting if a bit friendlier. This is the audio equivalent of peanut butter on toast for supper. I hope he was a better merchandise manager.

6. Maggie Rose - Girl in Your Truck Song

7. Raelynn - God Made Girls


8. Chase Rice - Ready Set Roll

9. FGL/Luke Bryan - This is How We Roll

10. Brantley Gilbert/Thomas Rhett/Justin Moore - Small Town Throwdown

Dishonorable mention: Scotty McCreery - Feelin' It


  1. The only defense for "Small Town Throwdown" is that riff, which would sound insanely great on the radio if you were listening to a classic rock station, if it were being played by Lynryd Skynyrd, and if Gilbert, Rhett, and Moore weren't anywhere near it.

  2. I don't mind "God Made Girls." Sure it's keeping with the stereotype that girls are just there to look pretty, but I just do not like Raelynn's voice. Other than that, it's bearable to me. Not great, but bearable.

  3. @Drake:

    I'll admit, the beat to "God Made Girls" was OK, but I just can't make it past the lyrics, which are some of the most unintentionally sexist lyrics I've ever heard in a country song (and with all the bro-country songs, that's saying a lot).

  4. ANYTHING Florida Georgia Line! Ugh. Their voices are horrible, their music is horrible, and they look like wannabees....what else is there to say? Just a joke, and the one guy is just plain creepy!



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