Farce the Music: September 2014

Sep 30, 2014

New Video: Mastodon - The Motherload

Probably not appropriate for work, because butts.

Formerly Cool DJ Shows His True Colors

I thought this guy was on our side, but his Aircheck interview shows otherwise. Shame.

Gnome Sweet Gnome

Gnome Sweet Gnome

(Lyric parody of Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home" which was recently covered by Justin Moore)

You know I'm a wee man
Barely five foot three
I have to climb on a stool
Just so I can take a pee
Don't put things so high
Way up on that Walmart shelf
Can't reach the Dawn, and can't reach the veal
I'm such an elf

Put me in your lap
Hold me in your hands
Just pick me up
On your shoulders so I
Can see the rock band

I'm in the way
I'm in the way
Gnome sweet gnome...
Petite, petite
I'm in the way
I'm in the way
Gnome sweet gnome...

You know that I wear
Size four boots on my feet and
On my bus, got my own
Graco car seat

I'm just like a leprechaun
Short legs and T-rex arms
And you know no one
No one's gonna get
Me Lucky Charms

I'm in the way
I'm in the way
Gnome sweet gnome...
Half pint, half pint
I'm in the way
I'm in the way
Gnome sweet gnome...

Gnome sweet gnome...
Gnome sweet gnome...
Gnome sweet gnome...

I'm in the way
I'm in the way
Gnome sweet gnome...

Hey!

I'm in the way
I'm in the way
Gnome sweet gnome...

Hot Enough For Ya?

Sep 29, 2014

New Video: Chuck Prophet

From his new album, Night Surfer, here's Chuck Prophet with the bizarre new video for "Wish Me Luck."

Featured New Song: Willie & The Giant - Poor Boy

FTM is loving the revivalist soul movement lately. Willie and the Giant are yet another knockout new band from... you guessed it, Alabama, and are highly recommended to fans of smooth southern soul, St. Paul and the Broken Bones, Al Green, Ryan Adams, and Josh Rouse. This is sitting on the front porch on a Saturday afternoon with a sweaty beer music. Here's a featured new song from Willie and the Giant called "Poor Boy." Stream below the photo.

It's available at iTunes!

Is Aldean Dancing or Retreating?

Monday Morning Memes: Joe Nichols, Florida-Georgia Line, Boobs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPILrZTBedY

Sep 28, 2014

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Sunday Mornin' Music: Marty Stuart & His Fabulous Superlatives

Sep 27, 2014

Saturday Night Music: Jackson Taylor

From the Archives: Charlie Worsham's First FTM Appearance

Originally posted Sep 29, 2009

.99 Review: Kingbilly "Waiting on You"

.99 Review

Kingbilly

"Waiting on You"

The People's Take (iTunes customer reviews)

Should Be #1 in Country Music (5 Stars) – Every time I have seen KingBilly the show has exceded my expectations. Now to here the magic that is their music captured in studio in one of the most beautiful songs ever written, it really blows my mind. If you haven't bought it, bought it. If you have bought it get everyone you have ever known to buy it. Too good for words!

-by techn8143

(All reviews are 5 stars)

My Take

*Note: This is actually Country California's CM Wilcox's take this time. I excluded myself from a review of this song because one of the band's vocalists/songwriters, Charlie Worsham, is from my hometown and went to school with my brother. I didn't want to step on any toes or show any undue bias in either direction but it's fine if CM does :)*

- - - - - - - - -

If you've ever dreamed of reading a love letter from one of the world's biggest pansies, KingBilly will hook you up. Every venture into intimacy leaves him and the woman crying, and he exercises no manly discretion in guarding that fact from public knowledge. In fact, he's just dying to tell you all about it: this song drones on well past the usual 3 minutes, ending closer to the 5 minute mark. KingBilly's apparent belief that a song this boring requires those two extra minutes could easily serve as fodder for a cautionary tale about excessive self-love.

The guys (there are six of them, overwhelmingly metrosexual in appearance) deliver a competent enough performance, which is even an improvement over some artists currently on the radio (read: Rascal Flatts). The production is pretty good, with some actual instruments audible. The harmonies are fine. So really the burden of suck falls squarely on the song itself, which isn't just outwardly boring but even nonsensical by its own internal logic: why would a guy's current girlfriend want a detailed description of his first encounter with another girl (crying and all), such as he offers in the first verse? “We both were breathing like we were in a race/Her hair was hanging down in my face”? Really?

What's she supposed to say to that? Why is he getting such a kick out of telling her? If she's turned on by hearing of his romantic escapades with other women, are there enough Kleenex at home to last through the steamy night ahead?

In summary, blech.

Total value: .20/.99

The Checklist

Church/God

Mama

Boots

Name Dropping

Dying Person

County Fair

Lost Love

Love

Hometown Pride

Kindly Advice

Truck

Whiskey

Beer

Life Affirmation

USA

Soldiers

Pop Sheen

Star Power

Sep 26, 2014

Ads Were So Crass Back Then

YouTube Gems: Tracy Lawrence - Today's Lonely Fool

90's country was so awesome.

Chase Rice in Wonderland

Barbed Wire Tattoo (A Bro-Country Ballad)

Barbed Wire Tattoo - A Bro-Country Ballad
(©2014 FTM Satire)

I tried to send you a shot of my junk
But I guess you're blocking my cell
Somebody said you're with that new punk
That smart dude what talks real well
I know we broke up a few weeks ago
And I'm not supposed to come near
But I've been circling your block real slow
Cinnamon whiskey mixin' with tears

Chorus
How much Fireball is it gonna take to get you off my mind?
How'm I gonna keep this full-size jacked-up truck between the lines?
Now your fine ass goes riding in some college boy's Isuzu
And I gotta cover up your name in this barbed wire tattoo

I tried to hook up with your friend Emily
She can really make that thang shake
But every kiss tasted like your memory
So I made her get off my tailgate
I know you said that I'm a real douche
From my chrome to my Axe Body Spray
But the thought of that nerd screwing you
Makes me want to punch him in the face

How much Fireball is it gonna take to get you off my mind?
How'm I gonna keep this chromed-out Chevy truck between the lines?
Now your fine ass goes riding in some sissy boy's Isuzu
And I gotta cover up your name in this barbed wire tattoo

Bridge
Saw you and him at the stoplight
He was reaching for your hand to hold
Thought about getting out to fight
But I hit the gas and rolled coal

How much Fireball is it gonna take to get you off my mind?
How'm I gonna keep this full-size jacked-up truck between the lines?
Now your fine ass goes riding in some college boy's Isuzu
And I gotta cover up your name in this barbed wire tattoo

Tag
I tried to send you a shot of my junk