Jun 3, 2015

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #74

 This isn't really a songwriting tip. It's a short editorial based on some questions I've received lately. "John, how do we get more females on country radio?" they ask me. When I get through pondering for a few hours how to get my damnself on country radio, I let myself slip back to this question.

It's a big deal lately, apparently. Salad gate or whatever they're calling it… Some radio dude said to stop playing the chicks. I mean, on one hand, the numbers don't lie. On the other hand, my favorite numbers are 38, 24, and 38. So, that's a conundrum, son.

I sat down in my fully stocked, wi-fi enabled, leather recliner with some Goose on the rocks and taxed the old melon for a bit. If Johnny boy wants to see more feminine flesh on stage at the 15 country music awards shows each year, how can Johnny boy advise the tomatoes to get there? And then it hit me! Backing vocals!

Now I'm no sexist, but Ashley Monroe's a hot piece of country produce, and how exactly did we get to witness an ample flash of thigh from her on a recent awards show? She sang with Blake Shelton on a #1 f***ing hit! That's how.

So ladies, chicas, hoochies, honeys, women, lend me your rear, I mean ear…. every opportunity that arises for you to provide a sweet, sexy, subservient, cooing behind a male superstar's manly, aggressive, powerful lead vocals is an opportunity you should fall to your knees for.

Even if it's like "ooh daddy" between lines about picking you up onto the tailgate to lay some pipe, or singing "yeah, I like it like that" after a chorus about a romantic deflowering in a cutover, do that! Insist that your name be on the song… you know… "Pop The Clutch" by Jason Aldean ft. Kacey Musgraves or "Waxing the Chrome" by FGL w/Raelynn… it's just enough to change the paradigm, whatever the f*** that means. Hell, I love women on country radio. Or beside it, on my bench seat, but hell, that's semantics.

Let's do this, girlies! Baby girl, you've come a long way and it's time DJ's had to at least mention you in passing! End the discrimination against curvy hotties. Sing backup on a hit and flaunt that body! Now, never let it be said that the rural route Romeo never did anything for the babes.

*Not actually written or approved by John Rich

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