Oct 1, 2015

In the Year 2030: Predictions for Luke Bryan, FGL, etc.


Tyler Hubbard, having blown through $156 million earned during his FGL days, 
takes a job more suited for his skills - guessing fair-goers weights and ages

Singers, songwriters, and musicians now pay music fans to listen to their singles and albums

Parmalee still releasing singles from 2013 album

Jason Aldean's fifth wife takes half his remaining estate in their divorce 
(3 Miller Lites, a subscription to hugejugs.xxx, and a faux vintage Skynyrd t-shirt)

Tyler Farr parks his minivan on his ex-wife's lawn and throws empty craft beer bottles at her window

R Kelly still peeing on people, but now because he is unable to control his bladder

Queen Swift of the UN Worldstate Council has all the music bloggers
who used to make fun of her voice beheaded on live television

Brad Paisley now writing goofy-ass songs about Metamucil, 
retirement funds, and erectile dysfunction

Kenny Chesney has trouble visiting the beach with his old blue walker

Keith Richards cuts back to a pack of cigarettes a day

Casey Donahew Band plots reunion tour. 35-50 year old bros
throughout Texas and Oklahoma brush up on fist-pumping skills

Sam Hunt custom orders Hitler-youth-hairstyle toupé

Every single attendee at summer country music festival arrested for something or other

Colt Ford still doesn't have any hits

Luke Bryan found destitute and crack-addicted in an Atlanta alley, 
clutching a frayed pair of skinny jeans

1 comment:

  1. The executive chef here was a genuinely nice person and never made us feel like we were just "business" for him. He was extremely competent and organized. Because of the natural beauty of the venues, we were able to get away with very minimal decorations.

    ReplyDelete

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