Mar 11, 2016

New Album His Worst Yet, Says Major Country Star

"If I'm honest," says a major country star whose new album drops in May, "This thing is terrible, I mean just unf*ckingbelievably awful."

With his forgettable new single, written by some of Nashville's most predictable writers, hitting the charts, the singer plans to promote the new album with television appearances and a social media campaign through the next couple of months.

"I've had a lot of music over the years, but I don't think I've ever put out anything that disagrees with the smidgen of artistic integrity I have left, but completely agrees with my bottom line more than this pile of bubbling, rancid fecal matter" said the megastar.

"This is the least excited I've been about a new album since the last drink coaster," he continued, "You go out here and try to put your heart and soul into something to share with your fans, but then the dumb bastards only want to hear the sexy songs or the ones about beer in trucks, so what are you gonna do?"

The internationally-known singer, who's put out several popular albums and had many chart topping singles, went on to describe his new songs as "Sam Hunt copycats," "Old Dominion throw-aways," "dull midtempo love songs," "hip-hoppy redneck songs," and other shit-tastic drivel.

"Oh, it'll sell somewhere between 350,000 and a million, depending on which singles take off, but really, this is bad music and as personal as I may say it is in mainstream interviews, it's just generic, bland, committee written, focus-group tested product. It's f*cking lame," he finished up.

At press time, the major star had announced his plans to trash-talk naysayers on Twitter for a couple of hours.

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fake news

1 comment:

  1. Seriously you would think that by now he could get some balls & try to put out some real country songs. He can sing but this single is just trash. If he put out an actual country song his fans would buy it, critics will appreciate it. So what if he might miss a radio #1 he has enough money & fans to be just fine. Sad that his ego won't let him. Also his last album didn't sell so great. That first week they gave it away & barely sold 100K. He ALWAYS underperforms given the amount of exposure he gets.

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