Apr 5, 2017

10 Biggest Jerks in Bluegrass

Some would imagine that the earthy, humble bluegrass music scene would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as the more mainstream genres of music. However, thanks to critic and hipster love for country music's less commercial cousin, things have changed of late. This niche but culturally significant groundswell has slowly created a context wherein all manner of unlikely aspirants were more apt to let their jerk flag fly. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.


10 Biggest Jerks in Bluegrass

 
10. Dale Ann Bradley
Posts only fake news on her Facebook page.
Leaves car running with rap metal playing loudly when she runs in the convenience store.


9. Chris Thile
Thinks Spiderman 3 is the best superhero movie ever made.
Anonymously defends Sam Hunt on YouTube.


8. Trampled by Turtles
Run an underground fight club for children.
Walk slowly side-by-side on sidewalks.


7. Kristin Scott Benson (The Grascals)
Still has an un-rewound VCR tape of Lawnmower Man 2 from Blockbuster.
Talks loudly on her phone in the Kroger check out line.
Signs autographs with wrong name.


6. Doyle Lawson
Reheats leftover fish in the bus microwave.
Pushed an established mandolin player down the stairs; took over his spot.
Actually not that big a fan of Bill Monroe.


5. Andy Hall (Infamous Stringdusters)
Farts in church.
Once found a $10 on the ground by the Salvation Army Christmas kettle and bought beer with it.
Posts gory surgery photos on Facebook.


4. Rhonda Vincent
Illegally downloads Alison Krauss albums.
Smokes right by the door at restaurants.
Is known to tell fat jokes between songs.
Rolls coal.


3. Ricky Skaggs
Quite belligerent when drunk.
Once initiated a fistfight with Marty Stuart over who had the best hair.
Band members who make eye contact are docked a night's pay.
Retweets Lena Dunham daily.


2. Noam Pikelny
Spends all his downtime cursing at children while playing Horizon Zero Dawn on his PS4.
Waits until the last second to merge in traffic.
Didn't vote for Trump but pretends he did on Facebook just to piss off his liberal friends.
Constantly says "bae."


1. Alison Krauss
Requires parmesan dusted truffled croutons, a bottle of Eagle Rare 17 Year Old Single Barrel Kentucky Straight Bourbon, and Frette Diamond Jacquard towels on her tour rider.
Is a close talker, infrequent brusher.
Once punched a country blogger for putting an extra "s" in her first name on an album review.
Reported Rhonda Vincent to RIAA for illegally downloading her albums.

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