May 5, 2017
Interview With NashCrap's Charles Buchanan
FNN (Farce News Network): Charles, it's good to finally meet you. I've enjoyed your work ever since I saw that hilarious "10 Suckiest Kane Brown Tweets" pop up on my timeline last year. Let's start with some basics; just let us know who Charles Buchanan is.
CB: Well, I'm Charles.. I'm 24 and currently living with my parents. I majored in journalism at LA Tech and am looking for a job and freelancing a little. I enjoy alone time and Hot Pockets.
FNN: Gotta love that home cooking, right? I live at home too! Free laundry son!
So, what made you start NashCrap?
CB: I just got so tired of seeing all the girls who turned me down riding around in $50,000 pickup trucks with jacked dudes, listening to Florida-Georgia Line, that I decided to strike a blow for the little guy! I listened to pop country and actually enjoyed it up until all the guys who used to beat me up in high school started liking it. So I started looking around on the internet for stuff like "Luke Bryan sucks." I found sites like Salvation of Country Music and Country Nevada and Photocrap the Music, and my eyes were opened to a whole new way to get back at the people who live better lives than me!
FNN: It feels good, doesn't it? Hey, tell your mom thanks for these Snickerdoodle cookies. They're awesome. Next question: How do you quantify what 'good' music is, when we all know taste is subjective?
CB: It's pretty easy, actually. Whatever is popular is bad, except Chris Stapleton and whoever else the other country blogs say is okay. Whatever doesn't get played on the radio is good, except Kane Brown… he sucks, obviously.
FNN: A recent editorial on WhiskeyBitch stirred up controversy when it said that people who criticize artists like FGL and Sam Hunt probably weren't popular in high school and are passively aggressively getting back at the "cool kids." Thoughts?
CB: They really hit the nail on the head. I remember back in ninth grade, all the kids made fun of me for my premature baldness. I was really overweight too, so I could never catch the baseball players who'd always steal my toupee. I have never been on one single date, ever. My aunt from out of state who looks really young went to prom with me so I'd have a date, but even she wouldn't dance with me. I have a few friends, but I only know them by screen names. So, what were we talking about again?
FNN: I think you covered it. So now that you're a "big star" in the country blogging world, do you ever get to meet the artists when you go out to shows?
CB: Shows? Like musicals? I went with my mom to see Wicked one time, but I didn't get to meet anybody.
FNN: No. You know, concerts… but since the artists we cover are usually on a smaller scale, they're often just called 'shows.'
CB: Cody Jinks liked one of my Tweets one time.
FNN: That's cool. I really meant, have you spoken to any of the singers you like in person?
CB: Justin Wells messaged me on Facebook and asked that I remove a bad review of his album one time.
FNN: A negative review of his album? That doesn't seem like him.
CB: No, it was a poorly written review. He said he was embarrassed for me.
FNN: Moving on. What do you think of the softening of bro-country? It's less in-your-face now, with more pop and EDM influence. Do you think it's a positive or negative for mainstream country, going forward?
CB: I don't know really. I just look for dumb outfits they wear to make fun of them, or find lyrics I can make memes from. I don't really get that deep into the study of the actual music. Honestly, I wish bro-country was still the way it was a few years ago. It was easier to make top ten lists about.
FNN: Understood. What albums are you listening to right now?
CB: I'm really excited about the new John Moreland. I just love his Springsteen-esque sound and his heartfelt lyrics. Also, Chris Stapleton's new album is sure to be excellent, or so I've read.
FNN: Okay. Lastly, who's really getting your goat in the world of pop country?
CB: Chris Lane! Ha, that hair! He looks so stupid. And Kelsea Ballerini! She just sings "boy" a bunch and she's a star. How fair is that? Florida-Georgia Line always gets me upset. You know? I stopped to take a pee there one time.
FNN: Riveting insight, pal. Thanks Charles. Make sure to check out his great work at NashCrap.hulu and tell 'em FNN sent you!