Dec 21, 2017

"Stick to Music" Guy to Give Mainstream Country Another Shot

32-year-old music fan Jason Varton of Springfield, Ill reports that he plans to give mainstream country another shot. After years of trashing popular artists like Florida-Georgia Line in lieu of Americana music, the growing outspoken political nature of the latter has begun to push him away. 

"Man, I can't stand Luke Bryan but at least he doesn't constantly spout off about health care on Twitter or write songs trying to make me feel bad," said Varton. "Maybe I need to give that guy another shot." 

"I mean, his jeans are stupid and why the hell is he booty dancing at a country show?" he continued. "But he never seems to have a solitary opinion about tax cuts, or net neutrality, or social justice, or anything really ...and that's what I'm looking for in a musician."

Varton, a former fan of artists like Jason Isbell, Margo Price, and Sturgill Simpson has grown increasingly uncomfortable with those singers' recent public stances in their music and on social media about issues facing American citizens. He wishes they'd focus on putting out music that speaks from their hearts, but in no way explores anything besides love, farming, loneliness, drinking, or other rural pursuits. 

"Sam Hunt, what the f**k is he even doing? I mean, is it rap, is he trying to be Jason Mraz? I don't even know, but I do know that he wouldn't put out a song about income inequality!" smiled Varton. 

At press time, Jason planned to listen to mainstream country radio 10 minutes a day to build up his resistance and train his gag reflex.

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