The Crud Report: Beyoncé Edition

Number of Co-Writers to Crappiness of Song Ratio 2

 Did this back in 2013. Not an exact science and honestly just cherry picking for clickbait ...many of the best songs were written by 2-3 people, but who cares when you're deriding committee written dreck?

Fake News Classic: The Story Behind Luke Bryan's "Kick the Dust Up"

Story Behind the Song: Luke Bryan's "Kick the Dust Up"

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, May 26, 2015 

Luke Bryan released his next #1 smash single, "Kick the Dust Up," last week and we at Country California were very curious about the story behind this complex and original work of art. Luckily, we were able to speak with all three writers of the song as they took a break from a grueling half-hour writing session this morning. 

"It's a funny story," starts Chris DeStefano. "Dallas showed up three hours late with a bottle of Southern Comfort Caramel in one hand and his iPad in the other and said 'Let's write, bitches!'" 

Ashley Gorley apparently had a vague idea for the song going in. "Once we got Dallas seated and focused on hydrating himself a little, I told the guys what I had in mind," explains Gorley. "I said 'You know how everybody hates this bro country stuff, whatever that is? Well, how subversive and against the grain would it be to go the full bro?'" 

"I like money," Davidson reportedly replied, mopping spilled Dasani off the neck of his guitar. 

"Yeah man, let's just stick it in their faces," laughed DeStefano. 

Things went fairly smoothly as the trio settled on a theme (partying outside a small town) and started an outline of the song, but some tension arose as they pondered a direction for the second verse. "I know, I know... you know how city boys suck at being manly and partying and shit?" slurred Davidson.  "No, tell us, hillbilly," shot back DeStefano.  "I mean, no offense or nothing, but city boys... y'all ain't shit," said Davidson. "So let's just make the second verse about that." 

A brief skirmish highlighted by an armbar submission placed on Davidson by DeStefano was swiftly broken up by Gorley and the session was back on track. 

Over the next nine minutes, the masters of their craft laid out chord progressions, nailed a chorus, determined how the requisite hip-hop beat would fit, and fleshed out a more subtle version of Davidson's idea for the second verse. "I think we're done," said a jubilant and creatively fulfilled Gorley. 

"Hol' on hol' on," yelled Davidson. "It needs some lil something to make it different cause I'mma be honest with y'all, I can't tell this song from that one we wrote before lunch." "A bass drop?" offered DeStefano. "Should we get 'Yeti Cooler' in there somehow?" asked Gorley.

Gorley came up with an interesting riff that seemed to fit Davidson's description, but things got sideways again when DeStefano said he liked the Middle Eastern flair. "You mean like ISIS?" Davidson screamed, punching Gorley awkwardly in the ear. "Merica, bitches." 

When the dust finally settled, Gorley and DeStefano left the riff as it was but described it to Dallas as "Israeli-sounding" and everything was cool. 

"So that's it, just another day at the office," smiles DeStefano. "We're pretty proud of it." 

At press time, despite a bit more critical backlash than usual, "Kick the Dust Up" had debuted in the top 20 on Billboard's Country Airplay chart. 

Nashville Song Plugger Swings Dead Cat, Hits Bachelorette

Nashville song plugger Larry Weathers has been charged with assault and is also being investigated for possible animal cruelty after he struck and injured bride-to-be Brayley Lynn Smith with a deceased feline on Thursday evening. 

Weathers was trying to make a point to Jenny Lindsay, a young songwriter and recent Nashville arrival, when the incident occurred. "I don't even know where he got the cat; it was just suddenly in his hand and he was twirling it," said Lindsay. "It was pretty wild." 

Smith suffered a contusion to her left elbow and lacerations about her face and hands from falling off the pedal tavern. "It was the damnedest thing," mused Smith. "I was so drunk I didn’t think it was really happening, but I think I got some fur in my mouth.” 

Weathers, who maintains that the animal was already deceased when he swung it, explained: "I was trying to illustrate to (Jenny Lindsay) the amount of competition she's up against in this town. You know… 'you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a songwriter in this town'… I assumed I'd just graze an Erik Dylan or an Ashley Gorley to show her how many great writers there are here. I didn't mean for this to happen." 

Ironically, the bachelorette has offered to drop all charges against Mr. Weathers if he can get a couple of songs Smith wrote pitched to Luke Combs.

By Trailer - Origin version posted on Country California January 17, 2009 (updated)

Singer Reveals the Story Behind Smash Hit "Down on a Backroad"

Chance Reynolds, singer of current Billboard Country #1 hit "Down on a Backroad" isn't just a hunky new star, he's also a surprisingly insightful country poet. He sat down with us to tell how his debut smash came to be. We'll let Chance take it from here.

"Well, me and my co-writers, Anthony Gorley, David Dallason, Corby Luke, Chad Chaddington, Ian Whitey, Cawl Caishin,  Ben Hayseed, Rolf Bronzeman, and Chris DeBro, were sitting around in our writing office suite, just chillin'. Everybody but me was talking about stock options and which Tesla car they were thinking of buying.

I'm just starting out so I just have 500 bucks and an old Ford Ranger, so all this stuff is above my head, so I just sat there quiet and took a drink every time they passed the Ole Smoky® Harley Davidson® Road House Customs™ Moonshine.

After about an hour of them discussing their granite countertops and waiting lists for private schools, Corby finally said we should start writing a song. David wanted to do something about sex in a feed shed. Rolf wanted to do a party song about Pitbull going mudding. Nobody really liked that idea.

"Y'all like money?" asked Cawl. We all nodded. "Let's just go simple then. Chilling with your girl…. down on a backroad."

"That's f**king lit!" yelled Dallason, and we all agreed.

All of them wrote the song together because I'm new and don't know what the hell is going on other than how to super-set my squats and keep a five o'clock shadow going indefinitely. When they were through, I came up with the idea to add the bridge about oral sex, so like, it's real cool and has a double meaning… she's going "down" on a backroad. Get it? Get it? (laughs creepily) Anyhow, that's how I got my name on the songwriting credits.

The record company dug it and I could hit all the notes without much auto-tuning, so it was a go and that's the story."

It's incredible to get an eagle's eye view of the hard work and talent that goes into a modern country hit! Thanks to Chance for the peek behind the custom black apricot doors of the writing room!

At press time Chance was readying his second single, "2 Chainz and Jesus," for release.

Realtime Trax: FTM's Song-Pitching Service

A new FTM service to help connect artists, publishers, and songwriters. Promoting only the hottest, most tempo-driven, active-listener grabbing Top 5-potential tracks from Nashville's youngest and most focus-group tested! Interested parties: Contact FTM for details!


My Love On Fleek
Chris Destefano, Josh Kear, Ashley Gorley, and 12 other writers combined on this hip, bouncy number about a young man's deep and abiding love for the hoochie he just met in a club. Mid-tempo, but pumping. Sounds Like: The Weeknd meets Sam Hunt. And yes, the title is correct. We're trying to stay cool with the millennials, son. *Thomas Rhett considering a hold on this track.


Summertime Thirst
The girls are looking hot in their bikinis and cutoffs and the guys are all ripped and five o'clock shadowed! Feeling thirsty? After hearing this killer cut, you will be! Primed and perfect for release as a single in early April of 2016 for a summer peak, this Bruno Mars meets Bruno Mars jam will have speakers bumping in all the jacked up 4x4's! Pour a drink and move on this sure hit immediately!
Shane McAnally, Ashley Gorley, and Ross Copperman writers.
*Thomas Rhett considering a hold on this track.


Turn Up (Da Country)
This club banger written by an army of LA and Nashville's brightest songwriters is the perfect Spring/Summer 2016 cut. Features tons of slang we think will be "raging" next year and is completely customizable to house/EDM/rock/hick-hop edits. We've crunched the numbers and this one's a hit! Perfect for male vocal band or hot, blonde female.


She's Basic, But She's Mine
For the C-level male artists, this one should endear artist to the average-looking, 15-30 year old female demo who love pumpkin spice. Important career-extender type song. Mid-tempo with current references and a bridge that even MILFs and cougars can get behind, this one's a sure Top 20-ish hit to get your Scotty McCreery-strata artist on a major tour as a curtain jerker. Written by The Warren Brothers & John Rich.

FTM Predicts the Lyrics: Luke Bryan - Kick the Dust Up

 

Yesterday, Luke Bryan announced his huge 2015 "Kick the Dust Up" tour. That's presumably the name of the forthcoming first single (or just a cut) off his next album, and it's written by our buddies Dallas Davidson, Ashley Gorley and Chris DeStefano (writers of the all-time classic "That's My Kind of Night"). Here is (are?) FTM's predicted lyrics for that sure-fire hit and bane of our existence for months to come.

Kick the Dust Up
©2015 FTM Satire

This ol' town is so boring and stuff
Nobody likes to get turnt up
To Schmurda and Big Sean
Well I ain't stressin' on what they say
So climb up in my pick-up bae
Let's get our cliché on

Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, move them haunches like a paint mixer
Tearin' up the pasture like a twister
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up

All my bros is blowin' up my phone
Pulling up twisted on Patron
Glad they out that damn town
All them bustahs keep throwin' shade
But I just wanna get laid
So drop them cutoffs down

Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, bounce that thang like a jackhammer
Let's get cray cray, nah I didn't stammer
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up

Bridge
Out here where the moon hangs low
Forget about your troubles
Hangin' with thots and crankin' Coe
Babe I wanna bust yo bubble

Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, twerk that maker like yo name is Miley
Make my emoticon a smiley
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up