Showing posts with label Lee Greenwood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lee Greenwood. Show all posts

Mar 9, 2023

Hot Rod Country Reaction Gifs


Clay Walker, politely critiquing his bus driver's performance

Feb. 29, 2016, Koe Wetzel's friend asks:
"Why did you tell that punk ass cop to take you to jail?"

🎶And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free 🎶

When you're too drunk to remember your name but somebody cranks up Sturgill Simpson

When the dance remix of “Chattahoochee” comes on

When you're very shy but she's wearing a Vandoliers t-shirt

Why were you listening to Gary Stewart for 10 straight hours?

Every time a pop-country singer says 
their next song is more traditional

Feb 25, 2022

Lee Greenwood on Standby, Toby Keith Called Up to Reserve

Patriot and country singer Lee Greenwood is literally shaking with anticipation. Normally, this time of year, the singer would be in a deep off-season slumber, building up his energies for upcoming patriotic holidays, but world affairs have made things different this year. 

Late Thursday evening, an alarm went off in Greenwood’s cryogenic chamber, alerting him that a military conflict was underway that could have ramifications for the United States. His room was bathed in red, white, and blue lights, awakening him in fervor. Pumps whirred to life as Lee was pumped with vitamins and nutrients, preparing him for the potential task ahead.


Greenwood stretched, removed the tubes from his arms, and threw open the window. One sniff and his eyes lit up. “This one’s different but so familiar… there’s a ….chill… in the air.” he thought. He then walked to the front room and visually verified that his trailer packed with American flag clothing and paraphernalia was pre-loaded and hitched to his Suburban. “It’s go time,” he spoke. 


Now Mr. Greenwood has pulled a recliner into the foyer of his expansive Franklin home and simply waits. He stares up at his signed portrait of General Norman Schwartzkopf and nods. “I’ll be ready if called, Stormin’ Norman.” he whispered. Lee’s wife only shook her head and brought her husband another bottle of red Gatorade. 


At press time, Toby Keith had received the Boot Signal and was sobering up for another run of ass kicking, if needed.


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Unnecessary disclaimer: War isn't funny and I pray for the people of Ukraine, but we need a little levity in any situation. Also, patriotism isn't a bad thing with the right intentions. 

Feb 9, 2022

Top 11 Least Popular Country Music Hall of Fame Exhibits


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 11. Ten Years of Bro-Country: A Retrospective


10. Florida-Georgia Line’s first Big Johnson t-shirts from when they were toddlers


9. The “Are You Tall and Handsome Enough to be a Mainstream Country Star?” Kiosk


8. Brantley Gilbert’s used dip can and Ed Hardy wallet (w/chain)


7. The Toby Keith “Put a Boot in in a Muslim’s Ass” Game


6. Cledus T. Judd kissing booth


5. A Salute to the Bachelorettes of Broadway documentary


4. “Are You More Smarter Than Luke Bryan?” interactive game


3. A collection of sexy Lee Greenwood photos


2. Animatronic hollering Garth Brooks


1. Outlaw Country: A Scratch-n-Sniff Photo Exhibit


Oct 7, 2020

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 80s Country


Let’s dispense with the introductory paragraph. You know the deal by now. Jerks!

10. William Lee Golden (of the Oak Ridge Boys)
Had women who touched his beard arrested. When fans requested for him to ‘say something!’ In his deep voice, he just whispers “I’m not the deep voiced one, dumbass.” 

9. John Conlee
The former mortician talked about embalming bodies in great detail between songs in concert. Refused to perform “Rose Colored Glasses” until all the women on the front row showed their boobs. 

8. Juice Newton
First person to utter “country music has to evolve.” Once spit her gum in Crystal Gayle’s hair.

7. Lee Greenwood
Would only go onstage if he was announced as “His excellency, the most patriotic American to have ever lived.” Chews loudly; can’t stand the sound of other people chewing.

6. Hank Jr.
Hit on women with the line “Do you wanna be one of my rowdy friends?” Performed exactly 2 songs sober during the whole decade (this may be true). Used bandmates shirts when the tour bus ran out of toilet paper.

5. Rosanne Cash
Insisted on driving her own tour bus so she could tailgate Yugos. Dipped during interviews. Tour rider sheet only said “I’m not going to tell you; you should just know.” 

4. Mark Miller (of Sawyer Brown)
Frequently trashed his hotel room and had to be reminded that he owned the bus he was sleeping in. Came on stage with a forty ounce and threw the bottle into the crowd when it was finished. Sang a dirty version of “Out Goin’ Cattin’” if he noticed lots of kids in the audience. 

3. Mickey Gilley
Rode the bull at his bar on ‘easy’ level, but claimed to be the champ. Constantly clicked his pen at business meetings. Called George Strait a “Mickey Gilley wannabe” to his face. 

2. Janie Fricke
Referred to herself as the “Frickin’ Queen of Country.” Never returned casserole dishes she borrowed. Sprayed the crowd with Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers during her encore. Tipped hairstylists with unsold merch.

1. John Schneider
Open hand slapped a fan who said “for a country singer, you’re a pretty good actor.” In real life, always drove way under the speed limit. Ate Funyuns before every face to face interview. Accused Waylon of riding his coattails. Anyone he considered less attractive than him was instructed to maintain a 6 foot distance. 

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