Showing posts with label Original Lyrics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Original Lyrics. Show all posts

Aug 8, 2014

Lyrical Satirical: Country B**ches



Country B**ches
©2014 FTM Satire

She's a pair of shorts on a pair of legs
Dancing too close to the tailgate edge
She's a blonde haired blue eyed sexy thang
She's a late night text and a backseat bang

Lord I love them country b**ches
Them howdy y'alls in tiny britches
White girl wasted, weekend wreck
Buyin' us beer on daddy's check
Come around and scratch my itches
Lord I love them country b**ches

She's a big ol' rack in a tiny shirt
Crank some Hank and she can make it twerk
She's tan line teases and licking lips
She's a big ol' booty and a skinny dip

Lord I love them country b**ches
Them howdy y'alls in tiny britches
White girl wasted, weekend wreck
Buyin' us beer on daddy's check
Come around and scratch my itches
Lord I love them country b**ches

Bridge
She's a baby bump at sweet sixteen
Tenth grader in maternity jeans
She's a late night call saying it's mine
But I'm on to the next country girl in line

Lord I love them country b**ches
Them moneymakers in tiny britches
White girl wasted, weekend wreck
Fake phone numbers, names to forget
Come around and scratch my itches
Lord I love them country b**ches

May 13, 2014

I Think I've Heard This Song Before



I Think I've Heard This Song Before
©2014 FTM Satire

This opening riff sounds so familiar
And this beat is kinda deja vu
Here's a line for good times in the pasture
With vocals that are auto-tuned

Chorus
I think I've heard this song before
Let's all party cause thinking's a chore
Country music's stuck in a revolving door
I think I've heard this song before

I predict a fine girl in tight denim
Will put a drink to her cherry lips
A pretty white boy is talking in rhythm
Moonlight, moonshine and mud-grips

I think I've heard this song before
Same cut-offs the girl in the last song wore
Tilt your head back and let the Fireball pour
I think I've heard this song before

Bridge
They say country music's now for the kids
Who never heard these well worn rhymes
But when every song sounds like the last one did
That excuse doesn't hold shine

I think I've heard this song before
Does anybody think for themselves anymore?
Hip hop slang over some power chords
I think I've heard this song before

Just throw your hands in the honkey-flippin' air
Wave 'em all around like a millionaire
Say "hooo"
Say "ho ho"
Ain't no party like the same ol' party cause the same ol' party don't stop

I think I've heard this song before
I don't wanna hear it anymore

Mar 31, 2014

Ain't Much Country (In That Town)




I wrote this lyric 12 years ago (!) but the complaints are still pretty much all the same now. 

Ain't Much Country (In That Town)

I ran off to Nashville with a guitar and a smile
Barlights in my eyes, I planned to pluck around awhile
Folks back home all told me that I had that Nashville sound
But soon as I hit Music Row, to my dismay I found

Ain't much country in that town
Ain’t much heart, it's all been sold
Ain't no cowboys 'neath the hats
And no true stories to be told
It's love songs by the numbers
With no twangin’ hangin’ round
Ol' Hank's left the building
Ain't much country in that town

I played a writer’s night, chose a cheatin’ song or two
A pretty boy pulled me aside, said ‘Boy what’s wrong with you?”
Don’t you know they want to hear the happy side of things
And you might wanna cut that accent next time that you sing

I thought he was kidding, till I checked the radio
All I heard were rock songs with some fiddles played real low
Every song was happy, every singer was in love
And suddenly I realized I wasn’t fake enough

(Repeat Chorus)

I came back from Nashville with a headache and a debt
Feet back on the ground, I left that town with no regret
Folks around all told me I should give it one more try
But I just shook my head and laughed, and gladly told ‘em why

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge
A couple of George’s might drop by
and Alan Jackson still lingers
Takin’ up those token spots
as the last real country singers

(Repeat Chorus)


----------------
Optional last verse:
I came back from Nashville with a habit and a frown
Bottle in my hand, I planned to let it let me down
Folks back home all told me that I had to try again
I’d as soon bash in my head while pissin’ in the wind

‘Cause...
(Chorus)


©2002 Corey Parkman 

Mar 14, 2014

Drop it Like a Tailgate (Girl)



(Drop it Like a) Tailgate
©2014 FTM Satire

Rick Ross on the Fosgates
Raptor rollin' can't be late
Country girl for a hot date
Cut-offs make my heart race
Drive out where the crops grow
Pickups by the dirt rows
Bass kickin' errbody know
She's here to rock the show
(Girl)

Drop it like a tailgate
Shake it like an earthquake
Wiggle like some live bait
Girl

Switch it up crank some Luke Bryan
Honey-thang move that behind
Fireballin' no I don't mind
Gettin' crunk like a combine
Bro mad-doggin' wanna fight
Chill dude, it's a'ight
Get faded on some Bud Light
Let's all have a good night
(And watch her)

Drop it like a tailgate
Stop it like a disk brake
Make a gay dude go straight
Girl

Bridge
Every Friday I do the same
Wife beater and a wallet chain
Fly hotties and spittin' game
I already forgot her name

(but she can)
Drop it like a tailgate
Float it like a snowflake
Curvy as a rat snake
Girl

Yeah,
Drop it like a tailgate
Throw it like a bouquet
Hotter than a burnt steak
Girl

Thanks to @Cati_Jolyn for the cash money hook!

Feb 6, 2014

Lyrical Satirical: Darn Good Time (A Kinder Gentler Bro-country Anthem)




What if bro-country songs were respectful of women, 
responsible with drinking habits and less concerned with outlaw posturing?

Darn Good Time
©2014 FTM Satires

Headed to the party
Driving the speed limit
Hands free callin'
I'll be there in a minute
I'm ready for a drink
My throat's got a tickle
But I wait till I'm safely
Out of the vehicle

Chorus
We're all here to have a darn good time
Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine
Just see the young women, I respect their minds
Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Pass around the good stuff
But only have a couple
Don't want anyone
Getting in any trouble
One fellow's getting angry
He's red-faced and cussin'
Let's try to cool him down
With a friendly discussion

'Cause
We're just here to have a darn good time
Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine
Just see the young women, I respect their minds
Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Bridge
Crank up some Huey Lewis
That's how we like to rock
But if there's any drugs or sex
I'm gonna call the cops

We're all here to have a darn good time
If you're a bit too young, you can have Cheerwine
Just see the young women, I respect their minds
Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Dec 20, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: White Trash Wishlist


White Trash Wishlist
©2013 FTM Lyrics

A shortened parole
Mint Grizzly, ten rolls
And a new pair of rebel flag boots
A Skeeter for fishin'
A Brazzers subscription
And the rest of my barbed wire tattoo

This here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find it all
I'm cool with some lottery tickets
And a carton of black menthols

A triplewide home
A truck painted chrome
A deer stand three stories high
A whiskey buzz n'
A frisky cousin
And jeans with a velcro fly

This here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find all them
I'm cool with some fake viagra
And a box of cajun Slim Jims

Bridge
I don't mean to sound greedy
Santa, I'm just a good ol' boy
Really ain't nothin' I'm needing
Just a few things I really enjoy

(Like)
A new pair of jorts
A trip to Pigeon Forge
A Boone and Crockett on my wall
A sexy back rub
In a fancy hot tub
Slap full of grain alcohol

Yeah, this here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find it all
I'm cool with some lottery tickets
And a carton of black menthols

Merry Christmas y'all!


Oct 29, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: I'm So From the Country



A bro-country song as written by someone whose first language is not English.
Why? Because... that's why. And is it any worse than this?


I'm So From the Country
©2013 FTM Satire

She is from the country and she talks as such
She enjoys when I arrive in my large pick-up truck
She is wearing shorts that nearly show her buns
Let us find a deserted lane to have sexual fun

Chorus
Me, I'm so from the country
Me, I love beer that tastes skunky
I'm so country, more than you've seen
Listen to me tell you southern things

Here's a rural field with a group of local friends
Here's the part where I mention her butt again
Here's a large fire burning and strong drink passed around
Let us twerk our bottoms to some Hank and really get down

Me, I'm so from the country
Me, I enjoy my hip-hop funky
I'm so country my drawl has bling
Listen to me tell you southern things

Bridge
We enjoy to party!
We get drunk and take a ride!
Let us get into water naked
And I put my peener inside!

Me, I'm so from the country
Me, I will give your face a punching
I'm so country I enjoy bee stings
Listen to me tell you southern things

Sep 12, 2013

Exclusive New Brantley Gilbert Song Lyrics




FTM has exclusively obtained the lyrics to one of the songs
on Brantley Gilbert's untitled forthcoming album!

Punch You in the Face
©2013 Brantley Gilbert, Dallas Davidson, Colt Ford*

Hey there city boy drivin' that Prius car
Do you know where in the hell you are
This here's the country, the boondocks son
If I's you, I'd turn around and run
You look pretty cute in those little Tom's shoes
And your hundred dollar slicked-back hair-do
Tryin' to hit on my woman, man that ain't cool
Guess what's about about to happen fool…

Gonna punch you in the face
Leave blood and bruises all over your skin
Gonna punch you in the face
Don't let me catch you round here again

Hey there college boy, from that university
You best not talk that way to me
Using big words I don't understand
Is a good way to end up beat down, man
You sound pretty slick with that stuff you learned
Physics and math, man I don't give a durn
Tryin' to hit on my woman with some poetry
Well, here's a few lines to you from me

Gonna punch you in the face
Don't tell nobody you wasn't warned
Gonna punch you in the face
Get your pansy ass back up to the dorm

Bridge (Colt Ford)
Watch your ass in my neck of the woods
If you ain't as country as this
Gonna see if your face can tolerate
Brass knuckles and two fists

Gonna punch you in the face
Leave blood and bruises all over your skin
Gonna punch you in the face
Don't let me catch you round here again


*not actually written by

Aug 5, 2013

I am a Pop-Country Song



I am a Pop-Country Song
©2013 FTM Satires

I have three dads and one mother
Who over some cold beer discovered
They all loved money very much
Hearts raced and their cheeks flushed
As they copulated with each other
(and here I am)

I am a pop-country song
When life's got you down
You can just turn me on
Cause, I know no sadness
And there's nothing wrong
With upbeat, uptempo
And a beat that's strong
2 inches deep and 3 minutes long
I am a pop-country song

I'm trucks and I'm sunny beaches
Underage sex and wise old preachers
Barely there twang and pumped up drums
A tasty pill to keep you numb
Sung by tough guys and Georgia peaches
(Crank it up)

I am a pop-country song
When life gets too real
You can just turn me on
Cause, I'm just a party
For your pasture or lawn
I'm upbeat, uptempo
With a beat that's strong
2 inches deep and 3 minutes long
I am a pop-country song

Bridge
In 6 months I'll be forgotten
But what'd you expect? I'm not art
Maybe I'll have resurrection
With a remix for the pop charts

I am a pop-country song
When life's got you down
You can just turn me on
Cause, I know no sadness
And there's nothing wrong
With upbeat, uptempo
And a beat that's strong
2 inches deep and 3 minutes long
I am a pop-country song

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