Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts

Mar 15, 2024

I Know What I Like


Barely Breaking Even


 

TikTok Country Artist Feels Possibility of Unearned Overnight Success Slipping Away

Rising TikTok personality and country singer Dillon Dylan feels his dreams slipping away. The Mobile, AL college sophomore with 2.1 million followers and growing buzz thinks all his hard work could be for naught. 

“I’ve written 4 and a half songs and covered dozens of others on camera in back of the abandoned Shell station down from my house, built up an audience, received lots of heart emoji reactions, and for this??” regretted Dylan. 


This week, the US House Of Representatives passed a bill that could lead to a ban of the popular and addictive app. In recent years, many wet behind the ears singers whose mom told them they were better than what’s on the radio have found overnight acclaim singing over-wrought teen poetry over an acoustic guitar in a cotton field somewhere. Many feel that time may be almost over. 


Dylan’s song “19 and Middle Aged” has garnered over 20 million impressions or whatever metric they use, pulling in a following more impressive than some established country radio stars. While there are many such artists showing true talent and dedication, a big chunk of them also luck into popularity due to timing or contacts or personal appearance. Dylan is the latter.


“I mean, I spend my days honing my craft of social media engagement and this is how America repays us,” raged Dylan. “This might be my villain origin story.” Dylan spoke little of “honing his craft” of songwriting and music, or trying his hand at playing an open mic, or joining a buddy’s band to get some experience under his belt. 


“F**kin’ Zeiders jumped the line, why can’t I?” continued the raging Dillon. “I’ve done everything my sponsor, uh I mean mentor, has said I should do and it might just never happen for me now. I’m gonna have to be a damned graphic designer like my dad.” 


At press time, the words “We have to hire a talent scout? What’s that?” were being shouted across record label board rooms across Nashville. 



Mar 14, 2024

Tell Your Friends What They Mean to You


Three For the Price of One


E.T. Country Reaction Gifs


West Virginia fans when "Country Roads" is played at the game

When you check upcoming local concerts and it's all crap like Jordan Davis and Sam Hunt

Listens to Tyler Childers once

When somebody plays you a 2024 country song and it sounds like a 2019 rap song

Thought police coming to tell you who really invented country music

Kenny Chesney's date when he takes his hat off

I'm pretty good at drinkin' beer 

If you're old enough to remember Kenny Rogers getting played on the radio, I bet this terror is etched into your memory

The Monday after a 3-day festival when you're over 35

Lil' Jason Aldean's Halloween costume circa 1987

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