Alt-Country Day 4: Parody Album Covers

Justin Moore Parody

Suburbs

(A parody of Justin Moore's "Backwoods")

Tom-tom in a Tahoe, the interstate's sure slow

iPhone charging up, no latte left in my cup

Traffic alert frown, headin' to my job in town

Wish I could turn around and head back out to the

Chorus:

Suburbs, yeah I'm white collar

Out in the suburbs, covenant so don't bother me in the

Suburbs yeah I'm livin' uptight

Work hard, blog hard, drinkin' Sam Adams Light

Got a Blu-ray player and a real good life

In the suburbs, yes sir

Teacher called again, son needs Ritalin

But he's got soccer today, can't see the doctor, nah

36 and in deep debt how stuck can you get

It don't bother me when I play Wii in HD back in the

Chorus:

Suburbs, yeah I'm white collar

Out in the suburbs, gated so you can't follow me out to the

Suburbs yeah I'm livin' just right

Check my fantasy baseball every night

Got a Viking gas grill and a cute blonde wife

In the suburbs, yes sir

Chorus:

Out in the suburbs bein' a father

Out in the suburbs, pinchin' hard on my dollars in the

Suburbs where living is so sweet

Green yard, golf cart, labradoodle on a leash

Where the only "urban" we know is Keith

In the suburbs, where the taxes are low

Out in the suburbs

Songs Illustrated #19

Top 10 Thoughts Bucky Covington Has Had Today

10. I can't believe I met the real Barney Fife today! Awesome!

09. It feels like there's a silverfish in my hair... yeah, there's definitely a silverfish in my hair.

08. I wonder if Sawyer Brown was named after that guy on Lost... wait, that wouldn't make sense .....he's white

07. Boy, Kellie Pickler's intelligence intimidates me

06. I still say me and Autotune got screwed out of the ACM nomination for vocal event of the year for our duet on "Gotta Be Somebody"

05. So what happens if you're in the back of a truck and there's nobody around to open the tailgate?

04. Aw snap! I'm the one millionth visitor to this site! I won an iPad!!!

03. My fans are so awesome. It was cool when that hairy dude got me to sign his boob last night... or was that a woman?

02. Take a step, take a breath, take a step, take a breath, chew gum... uh, ...crap!

01. Aw snap! I'm on a roll! I won another iPad!!!

Hurley & Cambria

Only that rare combination of Lost/Coheed & Cambria fan will get this... okay, maybe not even them.

Lost-centric original lyric

Admittedly these are sappy enough to be the lyrics of a Jimmy Wayne song, but in honor (or to the detriment) of the final Lost tonight, here's a lyric I wrote a few years ago based on this scene. Yes, I'm a dork. Read my other post today if you want actual (?) humor - this is only unintentional humor. A Bucky Covington Top 10 tomorrow... and Alt-Country Day 4 later in the week! Ta ta, I'm off to geek out!

Go Back There

Old habits die hard, I guess

Why'd you call me? is all she said

Over the roar of jets above their old meetin' place

She told him that he looked like hell

If she'd missed him, he couldn't tell

Who knew how she felt, all the makeup on her face

He'd been chasing the lowest highs

Every weekend takin' flights

Everything he could try, praying to be lost again

Maybe where they'd come back from

Was no damn good for either one

But here now in the long run, he longed for where they'd been

(He said)

I wanna go back there

We weren't supposed to leave

I'm tired of lying

Living is dying

I wanna go back there

Want you to go back there with me

She said He'll wonder where I am

He said this wasn't in the plans

Stood there a trembling man, cryin' I'll find a way

Then before she turned to leave

He could read the uncertainty

There in her eyes, as she said "This ain't gonna change"

(He said)

We have to go back there

We weren't supposed to leave

I'm tired of lying

Living is dying

I wanna go back there

Want you to go back there with me

Bridge

Her taillights lit his eyes

But he knew this goodbye

Wasn't for good

She understood

We have to go back there

We weren't supposed to leave

I'm tired of lying

Living is dying

I wanna go back there

Want you to go back there with me

©2007 Corey Parkman

In the Year 2030 #5

•Lady Antebellum decries new artists' disconnect from pop-country's roots

•Judge declares clusterf*ck in trial to decide which of 734 family members is entitled to royalties and future earnings from Wu-Tang Clan

•Johnny Cash, 2Pac, Elvis, Garth Brooks all put out albums of previously unreleased material

•Indie music is now mainstream and vice-versa, causing hipsters to embrace music with understandable lyrics, song structure and good vocals; Pitchfork folds

•Chuck Wicks named Brentwood Applebees' June Employee of the Month

•Pop singer Liddy C's cover of The Spice Girls' "Wannabe" proclaimed a staggering masterpiece of pop perfection after she performs it in the nude on VMAs

•Rap-rock makes stunning comeback; "Godfather of Rap Rock" Fred Durst starts Douchefest annual tour

•Lil Wayne given key to city of New Orleans; makes a bong out of it

•Mysterious and hilarious gossip blogger Rita Ballou finally revealed to have been Natalie Maines during Whiskey sour and bon-bon benders

•All concerts now in 3D

•Gary LeVox found dead in a Houston Adam's Mark of apparent chicken cordon bleu overdose

YouTube Gems: Trampled by Turtles

From my favorite discovery of the year so far, Trampled by Turtles, here's the official video for "Wait So Long" from their awesome new album Palomino (which I may review one of these days).

YouTube Gems: June Carter & Hank

FWC&G: Possum

The remix I'm talking about is much like this one, except with even more dated sound clips, from such timely movies as The Nutty Professor (yep, farts from the Klumps) and Forrest Gump. Yeehaw!

Yet another Strait pun album title

Still based on this.

Top 10 things You Should Expect to See at a John Mayer Concert

List stolen from written by @MusicSnob75 Thanks!!!!!!

10. A whole bus of 13 yr olds who will scream whenever there's a break, "I Love you, John" and not know he's already heard it 10,000 times.

9. Lesbians.

8. The 40 year old cougars who think @johncmayer "Your Body Is A Wonderland" could be their lucky night.

7. The guy who brought his first date standing w/2 beers in his hand but doesn't remember what she looks like.

6. The kids so hip on music today they're wearing the latest @beatles fashions.

5. The two guys who are here because they want you to believe they are ONLY here because @johncmayer plays a mean guitar.

4. The customary fat/skinny girl combo

3. The parents who bring their 13 year old son to show how "cool" & "hip" they are. Him dying at the thought of being seen.

2. The cougar mom and her cubs.

1. The women unsure of their sexuality. Strong enough for a man but made for a woman.

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #36

Puns are stupid. Unless you're 8... or a country music fan. Since the latter idiots pay for the Captain Morgan in my elevator, I keep a few joke books around to toss in some dumbass wordplay every now and then. If it makes big Bertha in Birmingham giggle through her tooth while her dirty youngsters watch Fartknocker and Ferb on the minivan's LCD, who the hell am I to tell her she's a moron? Yeah, your ex-husband was always off drinkin' and fishin' because he's a largemouth ass, chuckle chuckle fatty! Keep hitting the "$1.29 BUY" button on the iTunes and I won't judge your low humor standards... uh, again.

*Not actually written by John Rich.

Singer/Songwriter Parody Album Covers

Country Doppelgangers IV

Bucky Covington and Johnny Van Zant, if not doppelgangers, could at least be son and father

First name: Jaron, Last Name: and the Long Road to Love & Peter Brady (Christopher Knight) (thanks Rita!)

Kristian Bush, devious Sugarland sideman and Russell Hantz, devious Survivor contestant

Terri Clark and Xena: Warrior Princess

Yep.

R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio

RIP to a true music legend, Ronnie James Dio, formerly of Black Sabbath and his own band as well as several others. He had one of the best voices in rock and seemed to be (in the interviews and live footage I saw of him) a genuinely good guy.

Nineteen Somepin' (Mark Wills parody)

Here's a parody of an older hit, Mark Wills' "19 Somethin'" from a true redneck's point of view.

Nineteen Somepin’

Saw Smokey’n the Bandit ‘bout eight times
Had the words to ‘Convoy’ memorized
And I've seen the stuff they put inside...
Cheech and Chong (yeah)
I was Archie Manning in my backyard
Had a beercase full of wrasslin’ cards
And a couple of Buford Pusser scars
On my right arm.

I was a kid when Nixon lied
And my momma cried...

It was nineteen seventy somepin'
In the world that I growed up in
Richard Petty hairdo days
Molly Hatchet on eight track tapes
Lookin' back now get’s me pukin’
Oh man, did I act stupid
But I wouldn't trade them days for nothin'
Yeehaw, it was nineteen seventy-somepin'.

It was the dawning of the 80’s now
We got our first trailer house
Mama broke down and
Finally shaved them old sideburns off
I got me a Jam box Stereo
Watched them Friday Night Videos
My first love was Missy Jo
On that Hee Haw show.

In 83’ Slim Pickens died
I welled up and cried...

It was nineteen eighty-somepin'
In the world that I growed up in
Cold Schlitz and jacked up trucks
Mullet heads fightin’ with brass knucks
And lookin' back now gets me queezy
Oh man, did I look sleazy
But I wouldn't trade them days for nothin'
Oh it was nineteen eighty-somepin'.

Now I'm in prison till 2013
My 6 kids are missin’ me
And I wish...
Sometimes...

It was nineteen eighty-somepin'
In the world that I growed up in
Motley Crue and gettin’ laid
Acid washed jeans at the arcade
And lookin' back now gets me pukin’
Oh man, did I act stupid
But I wouldn't trade them days for nothin'
Whoo, it was nineteen eighty-somepin'

YouTube Gems: The Black Crowes

From their album Amorica, this is The Black Crowes with "Descending," my favorite song from the rootsy rock band whom I'm hoping to go see at the end of this month.

Top 10 Suggested Wedding Presents for Blake Shelton & Miranda Lambert

10. Stomach pump

09. Matching his and hers bulletproof vests

08. Their own taxi with a full-time driver

07. George and Tammy discography

06. Hogs (not Harleys - actual hogs to kill, smoke and eat)

05. A couple of these t-shirts

04. In-deerstand kegerator

03. Camo pattern dishes

02. Gift certificate to local wine and spirits merchant

01. Gift certificate to Betty Ford Clinic

Country Day May 2 of 2

Country Day May 1 of 2

In the Year 2030 #4

•Curb Records puts out Tim McGraw's Greatest Hits 14.5

•Forty-something Britney Spears finally given back control of her finances; promptly blows remaining fortune on pink lemonade vodka sours and quarter slots

•Brett Favre retires from football, plans country album

•Pop newcomer just plays Madonna & Lady Gaga songs while she changes clothes and dances provocatively; wins best new artist at American Music Awards

•Lil Jon elected mayor of Atlanta, okaaay

•Beyonce gives birth to 7lb 3oz baby girl, Jayonce Knowles Carter, who is immediately signed to a recording contract

•Classic country stations spin Gloriana, Shania Twain and Jason Aldean

•Terror alert raised to red during Source Awards

•Death metal given Grammy category; 2030's best album winner, Disemboweled Fungus Rape, eats presenter Lars Ulrich onstage during live broadcast

•Brooks & Dunn reunite for the Walker Scoot Boogie tour

•Jamey Johnson breaks hip after nasty spill over his own beard

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #35

Writer's block is something that affects nearly all songwriters. Bust on through it the JR way: Get you some comfy clothes on. Pour yourself a glass of wine and turn down the lights. Light a few scented candles. Get your writing pad and acoustic out and settle into a big fluffy beanbag with no distractions. Then just write. That's how ol'.... how an ol' fruity booty does it, lol! Psyche bitches!!! Ol' JR doesn't have writer's block. This large cranium is an endless source of timeless country hits. Suck it up sissies. "Writer's block" is like OCD, sex addiction or homo-ism... just a made up excuse to do things contrary to the will of the big guy in the sky! Preach on brother Rich!



*Not actually written by John Rich.

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio June

Holy crap. I expect your deep and abiding gratitude for suffering through this edition of future country single releases so you don't have to (unless you bravely follow some of the YouTube links). It's the worst bunch of slop I've had to subject my ears to thus far. I was literally slack-jawed with dismay half way through the set of songs. For example, Chuck Wicks' new song was far from the worst tune on the comp. I'm gonna stay far away from country radio in June and I'd advise you to do the same!

Here's the rundown:

Zona Jones - Prove Me Right
Zona tackles the rare and difficult "listing song" with his treatise about what he believes and how his woman's love is going to show him to be correct. Boring, cliché and boring are the three words I'd use to describe this song. D

Chuck Wicks - Hold That Thought
Chucky's comeback song finds him stepping into the "getting it on" song territory of Josh Turner and Billy Currington with less satisfactory results. While it sounds perfect for a slow white-person dance on a hardwood floor, Chuck's voice doesn't have the come-hither appeal of the aforementioned singers to pull off this bedroom burner effectively. And the line "why don't you lay back and fantasize about me" comes off twice as pervy as any lecherous line Jeff Bates ever sang. C-

Savannah Jack - I Know
Restless Heart redux? This definitely sounds like a throwback to 70's/80's pop country vocal bands and while that's somewhat refreshing amidst all the samey sounding popstuff that is current country, it's not that great of a tune. Nothing new lyrically, but this band may be worth watching down the line. C+

Ryan Bingham - The Weary Kind
Alt-country singer Ryan Bingham's Oscar winning marquis song from the Oscar winning movie Crazy Heart, The Weary Kind is a simple and heartbreaking glance at a broken soul. While I'd love to see this find a home on country radio, I also wish blowing on dandelions could grant your fondest desire. A

Rodney Atkins - Farmer's Daughter
See this review. D

Gwen Sebastian - V.I.P. (Barefoot Girl)
Gwen's "Mississippi Girl" without the specific locale reference. Catchy and pretty fresh sounding, I hope this song gains some, uh, footing. B-

Zac Brown Band - Free
ZBB annoyingly stretches out their smash-hit major label debut for yet another single. That said, it's a great song, perfect for this time of year. The live version (on their live album Pass the Jar and their previous iTunes exclusive) that incorporates Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic" is even better. Now get back in the studio! B+

Jason Mitchell - Slow & Steady
Kill me kill me kill me. Sorry about that. Back to the review. Jason sounds like the best singer from your high school show choir singing a Conway Twitty song at karaoke night. Except, the muzak version of Conway Twitty. D

Locash Cowboys - Here Comes Summer
No. D-

David Bradley - Soak It Up
This is probably what the result would be if Bruce Hornsby was tasked to write a country summer song. This guy makes Chuck Wicks sound gangsta. When did the whole pop invasion of country music become an adult contemporary invasion? F

Easton Corbin - Roll With It
An easy rolling Strait-esque mid-tempo track. Nothing new, but he sounds damn good rehashing previous kick-back classics. B-

Nathan Lee Jackson - Inside
More easy listening. If his voice wasn't different, I'd swear this was cross-country trekker Jimmy Wayne. I wonder if Nathan makes sure his purse and shoes always match. F

Dierks Bentley - Up On The Ridge
See this review. B

Alan Jackson - Hard Hat and a Hammer
Alan's meat and potatoes is the simple man song and here he delivers yet again. AJ's chugging right along doing what he does best and it is what it is. Enough cliches for ya? AJ could sing that line and make it sound AWESOME. B

Fast Ryde - Top Down
It's come to this. Jay Z proclaimed the death of autotune in rap music last year, after so much overuse of the voice altering production software. That didn't stop Fast Ryde from introducing autotune to "country" music. Sure George Strait used a little of it in "Stars on the Water" as a novelty to spice things a little, but here Fast Ryde serves it up as the main dish. Seriously, that's all this song brings to the table. The chorus makes Bucky Covington working a sudoku look smart. People, I'm running out of ways to say stuff sucks. F

Randy Houser - I'm All About It
As shallow as this song is, the more I hear it, the more I like it. Randy is a true talent who self-admittedly has to send cloying stuff like this to radio to get anything played. Given the choice of his crappy song and some of the previous crappy songs on this list, I'm going with Mr. Houser. C+

Josh Turner - All Over Me
Whereas Locash Cowboys and Fast Ryde's songs on this compilation are stupid summer movies made by C-List actors with a low budget, this song is a stupid summer movie starring Will Smith with a hundred-million dollar budget. Make sense? B-

Colt Ford - Chicken & Biscuits
I really don't know what to say at this point besides I really need a drink. This song is more country than half the other songs I've reviewed here, but it's a friggin' rap song. Chicken & Biscuits doesn't qualify as a guilty pleasure... I don't like it. I don't hate it either. I'm just really glad this is all over. Please help me. C-

YouTube Gems: Rodney Hayden

From his excellent! new album Tavern of Poets, which you can order here, here's Rodney Hayden with "Last Train to Rome."

Win Willie!

I thought of titling this "Win My Willie!" but that was too sophomoric even for me.

Anyhow, Rounder Records has provided me with 2 copies of Willie Nelson's new album Country Music to give away to a couple of you fine folks.

Here's the album description:

Willie Nelson goes back to his roots with a songbook of classic Americana. Country Music was recorded in Nashville, TN and produced by T Bone Burnett. Nelson wrote one track on the album, "Man With The Blues" and, with T Bone Burnett, co-arranged three traditional songs, "Satan Your Kingdom Must Come Down," "I Am A Pilgrim," and "Nobody's Fault But Mine." The album also features many popular old-time/bluegrass/folk songs including Ernest Tubb's "Seaman's Blues, Merle Travis' "Dark As A Dungeon," and Doc Watson's "Freight Train Boogie". Willie Nelson collaborated with many musicians on Country Music including old-time banjo master Riley Baugus, double bassist Dennis Crouch, and T Bone himself, all musicians featured on Raising Sand, the 2009 Grammy® award-winning Album of the Year by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss.

So how can you win? Just tell me a joke. In the comments of this post, on the Facebook "fan page" or on Twitter, give me your favorite joke or one-liner about country music or music in general. Steal it, make it up, Google it... just make me laugh. The best two jokesters win a copy of the album! It's that simple. You entertain me, you win my Willie! (sorry)

Bubba Downer Debunks #4

Click for a closer view.

Concert Review: Drive-By Truckers

Bear with me; I've never done a concert review before. As with my album reviews, this'll just be what a regular guy saw and heard...

Concert Review:

Drive-By Truckers

Memphis in May, May 1

If you're like me, you've got a list of bands and artists you have to see before they break up, die or you do. Drive-by Truckers was near the top of that list for me. Willie, Merle and AC/DC are also on that list for me, but happily, DBT is now marked off. Tom Lee Park, just off Beale Street and just up the bluff from the muddy Mississippi was the setting for the show.

2 days of sheeting rain had left the grounds an utter mess, pools of brown water, footprint pocked mud fields and brown sidewalks, but we had to see 'em regardless. It's possible even the Lord wanted to see the DBTs, because the rain stopped shortly before their set, a nice breeze cooled us down and the sun peeked through a few times. As that breeze rode in and just after catching the Burnside Brothers blues band and half a set from the North Mississippi Allstars, we found our spots on the slippery metal pavers in front of the stage and got ready for some [rock cliché]face melting[/rock cliché] southern rock. The band delivered.

Patterson Hood stepped to the mike in all his ragged rock star glory and ripped into the slow burning "After the Scene Dies" (from their new album The Big To-Do) with his shredded southeastern twang and it was on. The subject matter of music scenes gone by stretched into the next offering, "Self Destructive Zones" with Mike Cooley jabbing hair metal, grunge and American Idol in one fell swoop.

Speaking of music scenes gone by, all in attendance at this particular stage were skipping out on a bonafied rock n' roll legend to see DBT and Patterson made sure to chide us for it. "Jerry Lee (Lewis) is playing behind us...why are you here?" he questioned. He said his wife had called earlier and said she might come to the festival that day, but if she did, it would be to see the Killer, not them. The crowd ate it up.

All the while we sipped our $4 tall boys of watery beer (well, those of us who weren't partaking of the green leaf), the band members shared in a bottle or two of Kentucky's finest, and they weren't sipping. Shonna drank it like water, matter of fact.

For the most part, the songs played true to their studio recorded counterparts (of course, much more organic and inflamed in person), but on "72 (This Highway's Mean)" the band came across as a stone country act with John Neff's fine steel guitar work. It was an outstanding departure.

The climax of the night was, without a doubt, an epic take on Southern Rock Opera's "Let There Be Rock." Hood ripped the microphone from its stand for the first time, letting his guitar hang at his side and delivered a veritable sermon on the life-saving capabilities of rock n' roll. It was one of those performances that leave you feeling numb, not quite sure what you just saw and heard. Spectacular and moving, even to those unlucky souls who were unfamiliar with the band.

The band finished their set with the rollicking and [rock cliché]Stonesy[/rock cliché] "Shut Up and Get on the Plane" before bidding us adieu to go listen to our douche-rock that surely couldn't live up to the awesome sight we'd just witnessed (which it didn't - though I did enjoy Seether a little more than I should admit).

Mud, doped up North Mississippi Allstars fans and cheap beer be damned, Drive-by Truckers cemented their spot as my favorite band Saturday afternoon.

Setlist:

After the Scene Dies

Self-Destructive Zones

The Fourth Night of My Drinkin'

Birthday Boy

Girls Who Smoke

3 Dimes Down

Sink Hole

(It's Gonna Be) I Told You So

Get Downtown

This F*cking Job

72 (This Highway's Mean)

Sante Fe

Hell No I Ain't Happy

Marry Me

Let There Be Rock

Shut Up and Get on the Plane

Fun With Charts & Graphs: Texas

Country Doppelgängers 3

Collin Raye and Jerry Springer

Vince Gill and pirate lover/former Texas Tech football coach Mike Leach.

Justin Towne Earle and actor Giovanni Ribisi

Randy Owen, angry man, of Alabama and Kevin Nash, wrestler, of TNA.

Jason Aldean and Robert Van Winkle

Dwight Yoakam and Gollum