Tim McGraw's Emotional Traffic Cover Art Released

Country Day May '11: Bonus Tracks

Country Day May '11

Satirical Lyrical: Suburban Outlaw

Suburban Outlaw

©2011 FTM Satire

I never drive less that ten miles past the limit

Sometimes I log on Facebook just for unfriendin'

I hide Skoal from my wife in the glove compartment

Sometimes I blame other folks when I did the fartin'

I'm a suburban outlaw

A Durango drivin' desperado

Got a backlog of parking tickets

If my nose has a boogie, damn right I pick it

That's how I roll, y'all

I'm a suburban outlaw

I'm a dangerous man spinning four bald tires

Sometimes I drink milk that's two days expired

Half of my music collection wasn't paid for

I dump grass clippings in the yard of my neighbor

I'm a suburban outlaw

A light beer buzzin' desperado

I flirt with every Hooters waitress

If I want a hotel robe, damn right I take it

That's how I roll, y'all

I'm a suburban outlaw

Bridge

I'm public enemy number five-thousand eight

Sent Black Swan back to Netflix two months late

My fantasy football team has a dirty name

Association dues ain't paid, you know who to blame

I'm a suburban outlaw

Yell at the coach when my son plays baseball

Sometimes I like to crank Limp Bizkit

Pretend I'm not home to a Jehovah's Witness

That's how I roll, y'all

I'm a suburban outlaw

Out Today: The Rankin Twins - Silver Lining EP

The lovely, and extremely nice, Rankin Twins (or as Rita B calls them: well, see album cover) celebrated the release of their EP, Silver Lining today and you should check it out. They are folksy poppy country with great harmonies and catchy songs. Listen to song samples or purchase a digital copy at iTunes. Purchase a physical copy here.

Songs Illustrated #51

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Oh what the hell....

In reference to this.

Tracklist Prediction: Eric Church - Chief

Tracklist Predictions

In which, FTM attempts to predict what the songs will be about based on titles alone.

A week or two ago, Eric Church released the track listings for his upcoming release entitled Chief. Here are FTM's best guesses for what the songs will be about based only on the titles.

1. Creepin'

An update of TLC's "Creep," Eric Church's "Creepin'" expands on the subject of secretly cheating on a significant other who cheated first. In Eric's case, "creep" is fairly literal; he finds his attempts at sexing up random strangers repeatedly rebuked due to his sex offender-like appearance.

2. Drink in My Hand

Koolaid finally gets its due as Eric sings about memories of sipping the sugary fruit-flavored beverage during his formative years. Somehow working in his usual schtick of emphasizing his outlaw credentials, Church recounts the time, as a 5-year-old, he spent more than the allotted time on the GI Joe bounce-house while hopped up on grape Koolaid, then at 9 (drinking Island Punch) when he acted as if he had discovered all the cheats for Super Mario Brothers 2 (his subscription to Nintendo Power had more to do with it), then at 12 when he glued on his first fake porn-stache while pretending his lemonade Koolaid was beer.

3. Keep On

This inspirational piece tells rednecks to keep their head up and continue using smokeless tobacco products despite all medical and scientific information that says it's bad for you. It would be chosen as RJ Reynolds' new ad campaign theme if the government allowed them to advertise on television and radio.

4. Like Jesus Does

A song about things rednecks do that, presumably, Jesus also does. For example: throwing beer cans through the sliding rear glass into the truck bed, shooting road signs for no apparent reason and frying foods that were never intended for such purpose.

5. Hungover & Hard Up

A paradoxical take on the phenomenon of having morning wood while you're hunched over the porcelain throne.

6. Homeboy

You've already heard this take on why Eric dislikes black people. It's a hit, thus proving Nashville and all its fans are ragingly racist.

7. Country Music Jesus

A song about his buddy Kid Rock, who's neither country music, nor religious… but whatever. It's got a helluva guitar riff!

8. Jack Daniels

The spirits industry finally gets a much-needed nod from the country music community, lifting this little known distillery to regional, neigh, national recognition. The song, not actually about the specific brand, only mentions the whiskey in passing, drawing comparisons to Jason Aldean's "Johnny Cash."

9. Springsteen

Eric talks about the time he met Bruce Springsteen and gave him his autograph.

10. I'm Gettin' Stoned

Eric likes to hit the bong, in case you didn't know. This is Chief's marijuana ode, much as Brad Paisley once included a gospel song on every album. Only, Church is, you know, an outlaw. Big time, chief.

11. Over When It's Over

A satirical song about cliches, "Over When it's Over" takes celebrities to task for their over-use of trite statements and maxims, such as "it is what it is" and "taking it to the next level." Church shows a shocking amount of self-awareness and proves he is not just an outfaux, but an entertainer with his finger on the pulse of popular culture and a snarky sense of humor. Farce the Music shuts down in the wake of this turning point in the general public's recognition of meta-humor.

Country Bumper Stickers 5

YouTube Gems: Austin Lucas

From his EXCELLENT and highly recommended new album A New Home, In the Old World, here's Austin Lucas' video for one of my favorite tunes of the year, "Thunder Rails."

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #51

I've come up with a groundbreaking concept to save songwriters valuable space in their "how country I am" songs for more redneck imagery. Instead of mentioning Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Merle (does he even have a last name?) and that other guy individually by name, one can simply say "The Highwaymen." I just learned of this 80's and 90's supergroup/time-saving-wonder recently. This is unfortunate because it would have left more room in my earlier rural anthems for extra lines about bench seats and loving America. From this point forward, "The Highwaymen" will be the standard for namedropping. You're welcome, underlings. Now excuse me while I whip this thing out.

*Not actually written by John Rich.

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Casey Donahew Band

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Casey Donahew Band - "Let Me Love You"

This guy is one of those Texas country singer/songwriters, so you know pride is his greatest sin. Those people think they are God's gift to this planet with all their "everything's bigger in Texas" jive. He's already got a strike against him.

Strike number two is the cover of this single. I'm not sure if he's trying to look lustful (sin) or lusty (sin), but either way… he looks creepier than my Aunt Bernadine did the time she hit on me at a dinner on the grounds, before she knew we were related.

Now we get to the meat of the matter: the song. It's about him wanting his woman to let him have sexual intercourse with her despite his wandering ways. This is selfish, beyond the obvious iniquities of the flesh. Can't this girl move on to another suitor more deserving of her womanly charms than a sleazy looking musician who's never home? She should settle down with some nice preacher's son or missionary so she can slide into God's desired role for her as a servant of man. Instead, she's supposed to wait around, working at the Walmart photo lab or somesuch, for the perverse come-ons of a pervy looking country music singer?

I believe that "let your arms feel my fire" is code for "let me stick my pecker into your hoo-hoo." For shame! There is no mention that he is married to this woman!

By the sounds of this song, I'd say Mr. Donahew (is he related to that liberal scum, Phil?) is aiming to have his song played on national radio. It's all catchy and shiny and perfect. The desire for riches is also a sin.

Does this man's (and this man's band's) impure desires know no bounds? He needs to get into a church and pray to God that he can be shown the error of his vulgar ways.

I was ashamed to even hear this trifle humanistic song. It made my manparts quiver in ways that the Lord does not approve of. I have already confessed and been forgiven of this sin. After

washing my lower extremities with water that I blessed myself, I have rated this song:

F

New Ronnie Dunn Album Cover Revealed

Top 10 The 9513 Memories

Last week, the mighty 9513 announced that it was shuttering its virtual doors - to much sadness and trepidation - due to time constraints. In honor of the best country music blog that ever was, FTM looks back on its favorite moments and comments from the 5-year history of the revered site.

Top 10 The 9513 Memories (that may or may not have been made up):

10. That news roundup in late May of 2010 dedicated only to LoCash Cowboys, SheDaisy and Fast Ryde tidbits.

09. The first link to a Rita Balloux article informing us what a merkin bump-it was. Yuck!

08. The day Jonathan presented an open-minded, well-balanced, thought-out retort to a review he disagreed with.

07. Juli Thanki's interview with Rosanne Cash in which she led with the question "Now, who are you again?"

06. C.M. Wilcox's 5-star review of "Brown Chicken Brown Cow"

05. The time Rick blamed the emergence of hick-hop on George W. Bush.

04. That time Carrie and Taylor fans harmoniously united in a comment thread over their shared hatred of twang, authenticity and artistic merit.

03. Jim Malec's politically unbiased review of that one patriotic war song by that guy in the hat (or was it the tall guy with the big muscles?).

02. The CMA's live blog where Karlie Justus challenged Miranda Lambert to a jello wrestling match.

01. The retraction of the negative review of Faith Hill's "Red Umbrella" based on threats of bodily harm to the Vercher twins by a couple of the songwriters.

Satirical Lyrical: Never Mind the Tatts

Never Mind the Tatts

©2011 FTM Satire

Hey y'all, remember me?

Just bought a new house in Tennessee

With the cash I made in alternative rock

But that ain't sellin' and the bills don't stop

So here I am

A country boy by damn

I've got a new drawl

And listen to me yell yeehaw

So, I'm from up north

There's dirt roads in New York

If I ain't country, I'll eat my hat

Never mind the tatts

I like salutin' the American flag

Buyin' Marlboros and taking a drag

I like to drive my new pickup real fast

And listen to me say "Johnny Cash!"

Oh, here I am

A country boy by damn

I've got a new twang

And listen to me yell hot dang!

So I pierced my nose

I'm dirty as a gravel road

If I ain't country, I'll eat my hat

Never mind the tatts

Bridge

Never mind the Mercedes Benz

Never mind my Hollywood friends

Never mind what TMZ might say

That whole gay thing was just a phase

And here I am

A country boy by damn

I've got a new drawl

And listen to me yell yeehaw

So I'm from up north

Shootin' coons is my favorite sport

If I ain't country, I'll eat my hat

Never mind the tatts

YouTube Gems: Mumford and Sons

A live recording of "Little Lion Man" from last Saturday's show at Beale Street Music Festival.

Come on Gary, clean and cook it first...

Beale Street Music Festival: A Look Back

I enjoyed a full three days of music this past Friday through Sunday at Tom Lee Park on the banks of Old Man River. We started the weekend with nice temperatures and blue skies, an almost unheard of combination for the Beale Street Music Festival, whose name has become synonymous with rain, mud and rain. Still, the mighty Mississippi was swollen and forecast to spill over its banks within days so our watery backdrop was immense and threatening.

FRIDAY

CAGE THE ELEPHANT

The first show we went to was Cage the Elephant. They were loud, obnoxious, young and pretty ragged, sound-wise. Of course, that fits their punkish persona and it worked well. The lead singer told us he was spaced out on pain pills due to a tooth extraction a couple days previous, but it didn't show. He was nuts, all over the stage and screaming his lungs out. We listened to about 8 songs, including "In One Ear," "Around My Head" and "Aberdeen" before departing to catch the end of Everclear's set the next stage down.

B

EVERCLEAR

I'll never claim to be a huge fan of Art Alexakis and company, but I did enjoy several of their songs from the late 90's and early 00's. I can't say Everclear sounded especially enthused Friday night, but the band was tight and Art's voice sounded good. It was a greatest hits set-list, thankfully leaving out some of their dreadful cover songs. Curiously, their sound was a lot lower than other bands we heard and the mix was kind of flat. Still, they did a solid job with favorites like "Wonderful," "Everything to Everyone" and "Santa Monica," which Art said had bought him a couple of houses and a couple of divorces.

C

SLIGHTLY STOOPID

We took a beer break after Everclear, not caring to journey back down to see MGMT or B.o.B. and far from enthused by Slightly Stoopid. However, Stone Temple Pilots, the night's headliner was after the aforementioned stoner band, so we eventually pushed our way through beardy hippies and smoke-clouds to get a good spot for STP. While obviously a musically talented band, as evidenced by a couple of rocking songs, including a spot-on cover of Nirvana's "Territorial Pissings," Slightly Stoopid stuck to the Sublime-meets-jam band sound that they've obviously built their career on. I'm sure for tokers and diehards, the band is great, but I didn't care for their set at all.

D-

STONE TEMPLE PILOTS

I'm an unabashed fan of STP. They weren't exactly on my "must see bands" list, but still, I don't see them as the faux-grunge garbage band as many rock snobs do. I didn't know what to expect from the recently re-formed group, given Scott Weiland's sketchy history on and off-stage. I'm happy to say they rocked Tom Lee Park. Sprinkling three songs from their newest self-titled album in with a ton of hits like "Plush" and "Interstate Love Song," STP was tight as they could be and sounded great. Scott Weiland was pleasantly weird, dancing around like tribesman by a fire and interjecting odd statements and prayers at a moment's notice. And despite a couple of audience members trying to bait him into a meltdown, he maintained his composure and vocals throughout. I'd have to count them among the best live hard-rock bands I've seen.

A

SATURDAY

True to the rep of the Beale Street Music Festival, the rain came Saturday. Not much, but it continued a streak.

PAUL THORN

This was my first highly anticipated artist of the festival and Paul did not disappoint. He was funny, humble, soulful and a helluva entertainer. Peppering in self-deprecating jokes and homespun wisdom, Paul had the crowd engaged for the full set. Besides being a great singer and songwriter, he came across as a genuinely down-to-earth guy with an almost innocent appreciation for the attention he was being given and the artists he was sharing the stage with. His set included my favorite of his, "Love Scar," along with others like "A Lot of Good Reasons" and "I Have a Good Day." He and his band tore the place down with the rollicking closer "Mission Temple Fireworks Stand," leaving everybody wanting more than an hour and a half festival show could give us.

A

JERRY LEE LEWIS

Do I really need to write anything else besides his name? The man's a freaking legend. While frail of body, a bit weak of voice and fairly rambling between tunes, The Killer put on an awesome show, proving there's still plenty of fire in the tank. He did all the favorites, a few classic covers and, of course, he ended with "Great Balls of Fire" and "Whole Lotta Shakin'." He even summoned up the strength to do his trademark "playing while standing up" towards the end. Wonderful and unforgettable.

A

MUMFORD AND SONS

The band sounded great, performing nearly their entire debut album along with 2 or 3 new songs from the album they're about to record. They were tight as hell and very engaging with the crowd. Their performance is not so much the story here as their audience. It was by far the biggest crowd of the entire event, massive even. A friend of mine who'd seen Dave Matthews Band at Beale a few years ago said it was far larger than DMB's audience. Also, the crowd seemed to know every word and reacted to the songs like The Beatles themselves were on stage. I had no idea they were so popular. In a day and age of segmented tastes and fan-bases, this was the one act that seemed to bring everyone together. We'll see how that holds up in the fickle wind of pop culture.

B+

LUCINDA WILLIAMS

Lucinda was in great voice and her band was tight. Her song selection, however, mirrored my general impression of her most recent work… it was tepid for the most part. She did "Joy," "Can't Let Go" and "Buttercup," among others, which I enjoyed. The rest was fairly bland; certainly not providing much excitement. I wasn't thrilled with the set.

C-

JOHN MELLENCAMP

John sounded awesome and his band was even better. They were thoroughly impressive. The theme of his set seemed to be flipping songs on their heads. The songs from his recent stripped-down album were played with bombast and vigor by the full band, bringing life to tunes that to me were just okay on record. The hits were played either stripped down or with completely new arrangements. It was very cool. The crowd ate it up, and John was funny and conversational. A side-note: I saw the well-known liberal and environmentalist the next day climbing into a massive black SUV to leave his 5-star hotel :).

A-

SUNDAY

The rain came in sheets Sunday, and the river was up another foot or so, now lapping at the sidewalks just beyond the side retaining walls of the park. Despite the weather and the impending flooding, the festival thankfully went on mostly as scheduled.

LUCERO

Farce the Music's house band started without the benefit of a soundcheck due to a tornado warning earlier. I and my listening party had hunkered down in a trolley stop, but we made it safely, but muddily to the concert on time. Ben Nichols admitted the sound was a "clusterf*ck" but it really wasn't bad at all. They were as solid as ever despite the lack of preparation and the weather-diminished crowd. They ran through what Ben termed as "our greatest hits…. or at least uh, local favorites" including "My Tears Don't Matter Much" and "Sixes and Sevens." They also threw in one new tune that will be on their next record called "Women and Work." It was even more in the Memphis R&B direction than most of the songs on their last release. Good stuff. Horn section and everything. Lucero NEVER disappoints.

A

GREGG ALLMAN

Admittedly, I'm not a huge fan of Gregg nor the Allman Brothers, but this was a nice show. He performed solo tunes and legendary favorites alike, including "Just Another Rider," "Whipping Post" and an especially moving rendition of "Melissa."

B

Some girls started mud-sliding during the end of Allman's show. It was very entertaining and some people even started a tip cup for them.

THE AVETT BROTHERS

Another huge crowd for another hot band. The Avetts were loose, loud and awesome. The longest soundcheck I've ever endured yielded the best sounding set of the weekend. Seriously, I'm a fan, but The Avetts blew me away. They were energetic and lively and the crowd ate it up. Selections included "Shame," "Will You Return?," the Prine cover "Spanish Pipedream" and the lovely closer "I and Love and You." If you like bluegrass or newgrass or indie-folk, you owe it to yourself to catch the bros. Killer, killer show! (Another side-note: During the set, the crowd gasped as a river boat rolled by virtually right beside us - see photo.)

A+

WILCO

I'm assuredly on the Farrar side of the Jay or Jeff argument. However, Wilco this Sunday night made me stand up and realize the utter talent of the more commercially successful splinter of Uncle Tupelo. They were amazing. Forgive me for not knowing the guitarist's name, but he was stunningly good. I've seen some 80 live acts in my life and I'd count him as the best guitar player I've ever seen live (ahead of the likes of Kenny Wayne Shepherd and Kirk Hammett). Wilco, despite a nearly 7 month break from playing live, confidently crushed a set that included "Shot in the Arm," "Monday," "Jesus, etc." and probably the best tune I've ever seen played live, "Impossible Germany." I'm not a big fan of the band's recent releases, but I'm now a huge fan of Wilco. Tweedy was great, in excellent voice and in harmony with the crowd. His best between-song line of the night was regarding the scent of barbecue and sausage wafting through the air, "We may become the anti-Morrisey after this. We won't play a show unless we smell burning meat." All hail Wilco.

A+

Jeff Tweedy and crew

Fun With Charts & Graphs

Out Today: New Colt Ford!

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Copyright WENN

First Thing I Noticed at The Beale Street Music Festival

I'll have a write-up of my 3 day excursion to the Beale Street Music Festival in the next day or two, but here was the first thing that caught my attention. I guess you'd call it a sign presentation FAIL. (It was a wrap-around banner that said "First Class. Fun.") I noticed quite a few attendees stopping to take this picture.

Farewell to The 9513

Today I read the sad news that The 9513 is calling it quits. As the most informative country music blog on the 'net, they've long provided great reviews, news and editorials with an intelligent bent and a wide-ranging perspective.

The founding Vercher boys are one of the reasons I got into blogging in the first place, or at least one of the reasons I kept at it. They've always been helpful and and friendly to Farce the Music, as have the rest of the staff.

Hopefully we'll see them and the rest of their crew of talented writers elsewhere online in the near future (of course, many have their own blogs and side-projects already).

Make sure to drop by the goodbye post and let them know how much you appreciate The 9513. Thanks guys!!

YouTube Gems: Cage the Elephant

From their current album, Thank You Happy Birthday, here's Cage the Elephant (who I'll be seeing tonight at Beale Street Music Festival) with "Shake Me Down." RIYL: The Black Keys, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rise Against, Cold War Kids, Foo Fighters.