May 10, 2012

Beale Street Music Festival 2012: A Wrap-Up

Living in the deep south and not having pockets quite deep enough to go to Jazzfest in New Orleans or Hangout on the coast, Beale Street Music Festival is the only festival I can frequently attend, so I make a point of going as much as possible. This year, I missed Friday due to needing to work, but was still able to make it to Memphis for 2 hot, fun days of music. The crowd was down a little this year probably because the headliners weren't quite as big as usual, but you still can't get this much entertainment for $75 anywhere else. And as hot as it was, the weather was wonderful, considering it didn't rain for the first time in like, ever. Here's a rundown of who I saw at the festival.


Saturday
John Hiatt - We caught a few songs from Hiatt before heading over to Drew Holcomb. Sounded good. Other than his biggest "hits," I've never been a huge Hiatt fan, so I didn't feel guilty for cutting out.

Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors - Probably would be megastars if they changed their genre from pop-rock to "country"…way more interesting guy/girl duo at the lead than Sugarland possesses. Warm, melodious set full of great hooks and killer vocals.

Son Volt
Son Volt - What you'd expect from Jay Farrar, as far as stage presence, but the band sounded GREAT. Jay's vocals were excellent too. You know what you're getting with a Son Volt show, but there's nothing wrong with being all about the music. Finally got to hear my favorite song, "Windfall" in concert.

Childish Gambino - Culture and genre shock going from Son Volt to Donald Glover's rap alter-ego. Despite counting myself at least a moderate hip-hop fan, this was my first rap concert. The bass felt and sounded amazing. Childish Gambino was out to prove his rap cred and he did so. It got a bit tiresome midway, with no conversation breaks (guess I was hoping he'd do a little comedy routine in the middle or something), but he's a strong performer who never got winded and proved himself a true hip-hop artist, not just an actor doing a side gig for fun. Huge crowd for this set.

The Cult - I'd heard bad things about Ian Astbury and the boys live beforehand, but they were solid. They rocked pretty hard - some of their newer songs were very punk sounding, much less arena rock than the songs that made them (semi) famous. Ian was pretty engaging and though he didn't try particularly hard, they put on a good show.

Sundown on the Mississippi
Grace Potter and the Nocturnals - Hell of a show. Grace is a thoroughly engaging performer and her vocals were top notch. She also played nearly every instrument on the stage over the course of the show. Her band is tight as a drum too. Go see 'em if you get a chance. Not an ounce of disappointment from this one. Another big crowd for this set.

Jane's Addiction - Tired old man syndrome kicked in just before this set, so we only made it halfway through. Hey, gimme a break… I'm over 35, it was 90+ degrees most of the day and I'm a desk jockey. Jane's Addiction's set was much more lavish than earlier performers. They had digital screens, crazy lights and people hanging from circus swings. Perry Farrell was a great showman and the band seemed very much a well-oiled machine, despite the sound not being that great. I heard my favorite tune  ("Mountain Song") and their biggest hit ("Been Caught Stealing") so I didn't feel too bad calling it a night.

Sunday
Old 97s - Awesome show. Best sounding band of the weekend, for my money (of course Union Station is surely "better" but I'm more roots rock than bluegrass oriented). Rhett Miller was friendly and his voice was great as the band played all their better known songs ("Big Brown Eyes," "Question," "Barrier Reef" etc) along with some from recent albums ("I'm a Trainwreck" "Every Night is Friday Night"). Perfect set.

The Chris Robinson Brotherhood
The Chris Robinson Brotherhood - I prefer Robinson's harder rocking Black Crowes work, but his folksier side is also worth seeing live. Tight band, strong performance from Chris. A little jammier than I prefer, but I'd rather see them than say, Phish, any day.

Black Stone Cherry - We got our hard rock fix in at this show. Hottest freaking show of the weekend…. it was 93 and we couldn't squeeze up into the shade of the overhang, but we toughed it out with some adult beverages. Black Stone Cherry rocks hard; the guitarist seems straight out of some 80s hair metal band and he was the 2nd most energetic performer I saw this weekend, running around the stage nearly the entire set. BSC's vocalist is a treat to behold live - soulful and unique. These southern hard rockers played their biggest hits like "Blind Man," "White Trash Milllionaire" and "Like I Roll" along with a few cool covers like Joe Walsh's "Rocky Mountain Way." Very talented band. The drummer was nuts, all afro'd out and a blaze of arms and fingers - he once threw a stick at a stagehand mid-song… and never missed a beat.

Michael Franti
Michael Franti and Spearhead - Far and away the best show of the weekend. While the focus was more on love and fun than music, the band didn't slack at all, and Franti is surely one of the greatest live performers working the circuit right now. He spent a good third of the show out in the crowd, all 6'6' of him, singing, playing guitar, slapping hands and spreading love. I've read in previous concert reviews that this is their usual show protocol, but it didn't come off anywhere near "going through the motions." The atmosphere was sincere, warm and vibrant. They opened the show with "Everyone Deserves Music" and went on to make me think everyone deserves to see Spearhead live. Much like the Beastie Boys, Spearhead just has this vibe and broad appeal that's so contagious, I can't imagine anyone hating them. Other songs they played included "The Sound of Sunshine," "Say Hey (I Love You)" and "I Know I'm Not Alone." Despite the overwhelmingly positive bent of the performance, it never felt cheesy or awkward. This is a band with "it," whatever "it" is. Beach balls, cute kids on stage and other cute kids leading chants from the audience… the gruffest and most cynical individuals among us couldn't help but smile the whole show. Franti's a liberal, but I'm pretty sure you could get Congress in a Spearhead show and they'd agree on nearly everything by the last song. I don't care if you're not into reggae-influenced dancehall pop rock, if Michael Franti and Spearhead do a show close to you, be there.

The Civil Wars - As talented as you've heard. As boring as you may suspect. They were cute and cuddly and sounded great, but unless they pump up the volume a little in the future, I don't see them maintaining their level of popularity.  "Poison and Wine" was the highlight for me.  Huge crowd for them.

Alison Krauss and Union Station - Call it heresy, but we only stuck around for about 5 songs before moving on to Robert Randolph. I do want to hear a full show from AK at some point, but we were more in the mood for some bluesy slide guitar on this night. Alison sounds as good, no better, than you've heard. I swooned. The band was of course, untouchable.

Robert Randolph & the FB
Robert Randolph and the Family Band - Excellent, loud, supremely talented. Great show in the blues tent. How did this guy not get a full stage? Anyway, awesome set. Cool lights. I was tired so I don't remember a great deal more, but it was a nice end to a hot, fun weekend.

I'm Sorry, This Exists 5

Taylor Swift Guitar Hero Cover
Chris Brown wife beater. No really.

Blake Shelton Hand Sketch T-shirt

Luke Bryan "Boom Boom" T-shirt

Brantley Gilbert Confederate Flag (only $200!!)



This...


Kid Rock Pillow



Uncle Kracker Peyote Bracelet

Luke Bryan Is Life Tumbr Fansite

Tim McGraw "Southern Voice" Denim Jacket
A little class for that ass

May 8, 2012

Were the Mayans Right?

Another sign of the coming end of days...

Brantley Gilbert's Halfway to Heaven goes gold. Douchebags pose.




























Standard disclaimers: This was in no way Photoshopped. Yes, those people actually look that toolish. Yes, that is a confederate flag with BG's branding images on top of it. I'd credit this photo, but I have no idea where it came from. I wouldn't claim it if I were them.

Honest Andy Gibson Radio Promo Ad


May 7, 2012

Senseless Censorship XII







You're Not a Real Country Singer
















...if mustang Sally is in yore set list #ewwwwposers - @triplexxxstacy


...if any of your song titles has (Country Version) next to it


...if the vocal intro to any of your songs is "Y'all better crank this one up"


...if you write about the beach, Wear a black straw hat, Wear a beanie, constantly have pop songs w/a banjo call them country or rap -@nolimitcattleco


...if you sing about trucks but drive a Bentley


...if you have glitter on your jeans pockets - @rawhidevelvet


...if you think a "Nudie suit" means you'll be appearing in Playgirl


...if you bought your 1st cowboy hat at the airport - @north_clt


...if you have to schedule country radio station visits around your band Staind's tour dates


...if there's a rap remix of your biggest hit


...you are not being played on sirius outlaw country#60 - @opossumdaddy



...if your last name is Levox, Demarcus or Rooney -Matthew Waga on FB


...if you had to check Wikipedia to see if Merle Haggard was still alive or not


...if you cover "Breakfast at Tiffany's" in concert


...if you're Taylor Swift - @indigo81067


...if you're more into Ed Hardy than Ed Bruce

May 6, 2012

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week




























Photo credit www.southfloridacountrymusic.com

May 4, 2012

A Sad eCard




















(*idea stolen from @shitnobodysays)

R.I.P. MCA

Man, this one hits hard. Beastie Boys rapper Adam Yauch was still relatively young, and Licensed to Ill was one of the first albums I ever bought. Sad sad news. Fuck you, cancer.

Parody Album Covers: Beale Street Music Festival Edition

Tomorrow morning, I'm headed to Memphis for my annual trip to the Beale Street Music Festival (skipping tonight due to factors beyond my control). Among others, I'm looking forward to seeing Son Volt, Jane's Addiction, Old 97s, The Civil Wars and Alison Krauss. Here are a few farced album covers from 2012 BSMF acts.










YouTube Gems: Jason Eady

From Musicfog, here's Jason Eady with "AM Country Heaven."

May 3, 2012

Top 10 Things This Guy Did to Pass as Brantley Gilbert


Top 10 Things This Guy Did to Pass as Brantley Gilbert

10. Get business cards with skulls, wings, holographic patterns and dragons printed up from here

09. Never be seen in public without carefully sculpted facial hair


07. Change ringback tone to whatever Nickelback's latest single is

06. Polish earrings

05. Wear lots of crosses; not go to church

04. Be mannerly to people who can do something for you

03. When wearing button-down shirts, make sure at least three buttons left undone

02. Visit scrapbooking store for supplies. Transform Wranglers into True Religion jeans in minutes!

01. Say "Hi, I'm Brantley Gilbert, professional poser."

Exclusive Eric Church Photo Taken Earlier This Week



Luke Bryan - Tailgates and Tanlines: Track by Track















I know this album's been out a while, but after 3 putrid singles, I wanted to go back and give a listen and see how the rest of this album stacks up to the feces Luke Bryan has been pooping out to the radio waves.



1. Country Girl (Shake It For Me)
One of the most awesomely terrible songs released to country radio in the last… no, ever. It doesn't deserve any more words.
0/10

2. Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye
A song about goodbye sex. "Take off your leaving dress"… is a leaving dress something you can buy at Penney's? I'm just asking. As a country power ballad goes, I guess this isn't horrible, but I'd still go with a paper cut over listening to it again.
5/10

3. Drunk on You
The much maligned "boom-boom" song. So, is it as bad as generally thought? Well, the melody is pretty nice and the opening line is killer. But beyond that, yes, it's that bad - it's an embarrassing pile of rancid, maggot-infested garbage. Now that country singers have found a way to get all their laundry list of country touchstones into love songs, shouldn't pop country eat itself? This kind of song makes a man go "mmm mmm" (with his head shaking side to side and a frown upon his visage).
2/10

4. Too Damn Young
Oh, is this a Garth Brooks cover? No? Damn. It's just yet another song about teenagers doing it in the water. Tanlines mentioned? Check. Heartstring-pulling b.s. to make soccer moms look back wistfully on their senior summers? Check. I guess this sounds okay, but it brings nothing new and says nothing old in a new way.
4/10

5. I Don't Want This Night To End
Just another perfectly proportioned hit vehicle carefully created in a clandestine Nashville laboratory. My 5-year-old daughter likes this song. She also likes Caillou, Barbie mermaid movies and Glee songs, so maybe we shouldn't use her as a standard for good taste (though I love her dearly). "You got your hands up/you're rockin' in my truck"…has this scenario ever played out for any guys out there? How can you put your hands up? I mean, the roof isn't very high. Is she rocking to Aldean or Gilbert? Actually, who gives a damn?
3/10

7. You Don't Know Jack
One of the weakest drinking songs I've heard in some time, and that's saying something because "Red Solo Cup" was on the charts just a month or two ago. It sounds like somebody was trying to be deep here, but the silly title line trivializes any good intentions they had. Also, there's way too much weight put on kindergarten-ish lines like "double shot/80 proof on the rocks." If this dissuades a man from doing his wife wrong and ending up as one of Jack's best buddies, I'm Jim Beam.
2/10

8. Harvest Time
This sounds pretty good. It's a simplistic exploration of farming, but there's nothing too egregious here. It's reminiscent of one of Jason Aldean's better tunes "Amarillo Sky," but that's neither here nor there. Nothing I've heard on this album so far has lived up to any of the potential for interpretation I think Bryan showed earlier in his career, and this is no exception. His reading comes off a big generic. Still, not a bad song at all.
7/10

8. I Know You're Gonna Be There
I'm forgetting this song as I'm listening to it. It's such a fluff piece, it's fading as it plays. Nothing memorable whatsoever. I'm not even interested enough to pay attention, honestly. Probably shouldn't have made the album, and it's a terrible album.
2/10

9. Muckalee Creek Water
Um, okay I guess. There's some imagery here that's pretty nice. It has a fairly decent swamp groove. Still, there are a few negatives. What's with his preoccupation with onomatopoeia? Boom boom on other songs, bump bump on this one. It's childish and very irritating. I have to hear repetitious, annoying stuff like that from my kids all the time; I don't want to hear it in a song. And what's with all the singers claiming they drink moonshine? Right, I'm sure you hit the white lightening all the time Luke. Also, the bridge sucks and takes the air out of this one big time. This song had some promise, but I'd be lying if I said I'd listen to it again.
5/10

10. Tailgate Blues
This is actually kinda cool. If the production weren't so perfect, this could be a great song. As it stands, it's still surprisingly good. Great melody, nice harmonies from Ashton Shepherd, not too many cliches, lonesome atmosphere. I like it.
8.5/10

11. Been There, Done That
The title tells you all you need to know. See review of track 8.
2/10

12. Faded Away
Reminiscing song about trucks, balconies and spring break. Making love as waves roll in. Tans and names in the sand. It wants to be an update of Kenny Chesney's "Anything But Mine" (which is a guilty pleasure of mine), but it falls far short because Chesney's Spring Break song was far stronger on imagery and longing. This will speak to 15-19 year old girls and maybe a few moms with less discerning tastes, but that's about it.
3/10

13. I Knew You That Way
Probably Bryan's best vocal performance on the album. A pretty understated song without too many things that rub me wrong. Still, not particularly noteworthy. 
5/10


Album Average:
3.73/10 

That rates as an F on any scale. Luke, you used to not suck (too bad). What happened???

May 2, 2012

Country IRL Troll Posters

Based on these.







John Rich's Songwriting Tips #59





High concept writing is unwelcome around here, nerds. You say satire, I say pass me a Fat Tire. You say parody, I say Cledus T. Joke. Metaphors are as deep as I go and even those are pretty above-ground. Like "her booty is like a pair of watermelons" or "I'm drunk as a liberal come next election night." Don't bring me words like alliteration. Hell, if I didn't have autocorrect, I couldn't even spell it right. Onomotopeia? That just sounds homoerotic… and the Muppets already sang a song about that anyway. Keep it simple for the stupids. The average radio country fan thinks "assonance" is what happens when you sit on an ant bed naked. Simile? A typical soccer mom thinks that means "putting a bike together." Figures of speech? That's what you goobers can use on the Twitter to impress your fellow basement dwellers. If you want to use all the skills you learned in creative writing at the community college, start a blog. If you wanna make that dolla dolla bill y'all, do what I do. So in summary, just tell a damn story or list some crap about living in a small town or loving America. Slap a clever hook on it and a couple of lines that sound like they took longer than a minute to come up with… and you've got a hit. This ain't rocket surgery, bitches.


*Not actually written by John Rich.

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