Reba Parody

This Friday is Country Day: August featuring 17 new parody covers which include Gloriana, Rascal Flatts and Brad Paisley. For today, here's a lyrical parody of Reba's "Strange."

Skank

(Parody of Reba's "Strange")

He rolled out feelin' good about himself

His Ed Hardy t-shirt

True Religion jeans, yeah pimped out

At the spot with his good friends, chasin' some sex

Jager for starts

Had a fine lady befriended

He got himself a piece

Proud of himself until the a.m.

Skank, talk about suck, he woke up

With a ho' beside him

Skank, he better see the doc, have a talk

Get a test to see if he's contagious

He got tanked, drunk lust

Skank

Thinks he lost his mind to spend the night with that wreck

He damn sure regrets it

She smells like Camels

And her tattooed face ain't quite as sexy

As it was last night

After way too many drinks

Chained and pierced, this can't be good

Better get lost, he's wasting time

Skank, talk about suck, he woke up

With a ho' beside him

Skank, He better see the doc, have a talk

Get a test to see if he's contagious

He's ashamed, so much

Skank

Skank

Skank, talk about suck he woke up

With a ho' beside him

Skank, he better she's contagious

He got tanked, drunk lust

Skank

Skank, talk about scared he woke up

With a wild coyote

Skank, skank

What's under Trent's Doo-rag?

FTM has received an exclusive shot of Trent Tomlinson sans bandana. Now we know why he keeps that lettuce under wraps!

Fantasy Football Teams of the Country Stars

Fantasy football seems to get more and more popular every year. With the NFL season just around the corner, even some country stars have gotten into the act. FTM got ahold of the team names and logos from several of Nashville's biggest acts. See if you can match up the fantasy football team logo/name on the left to the team's owner on the right. Click on this link for a better view. Check your answers here!

So Brooks & Dunn's done...

After 20 years, B&D are calling it quits. It's not like Kix gets any run in the first place...

31 Country Music Themes: 15-17

Odds & Ends

Joe Diffie Parody

Here's a funny parody from new contributor Bobby Joe!

Note from BJ: Apologies to Kerry Kurt Phillips and Howard Perdew, writers of the fine hit by Joe Diffie, "Pickup Man."
Stickup Man
(©2009 BobbyJoe parody lyric)

Well, I got my first Glock when I was ten
Robbed a lemonade stand with a friend
Hauled booty and ran and thought twice before
I robbed a golden-tooth pimp and his fav'rite whore
She tried to bribe me with a flash and he said, "Dude, understand
There's just something po-lice hate about a stickup man"

When I turned sixteen, I jacked a car for a thrill
My first ride was a Coup Deville
I was cruisin' the town and the first freak I seen
Was Juicy Jo Johnson, the neighborhood queen
He flagged me down with his polished nail hands, and said
"I never knew you were a stickup man"

(Chorus):
You ought to hear it fire, man, it makes them run
I wouldn't even trade it for an Uzi gun
It's got a ten-round clip that's always easy to change
You know, if it weren't for cops, I'd always get my way
I spend my time out on the lam
There's just something po-lice hate about a stickup man

Most Friday nights, I can be found
Chasin' freaky young things down at Lee Roy's Lounge
While out on the street, my ol' homeboy Son
Well, he's casing joints for a midnight run
I always got my radio tuned to po-lice band
'Cause there's just something po-lice hate about a stickup man

(Chorus):
You ought to hear it fire, man, it makes them run
I wouldn't even trade it for an Uzi gun
It's got a ten-round clip that's always easy to change
You know, if it weren't for cops, I'd always get my way
I spend my time out on the lam
There's just something po-lice hate about a stickup man

(Bridge):
A job with low pay or a rapper's bling dreams
One squeeze of my Glock and you'll know what I mean

(Chorus):
You ought to hear it fire, man, it makes them run
I wouldn't even trade it for an Uzi gun
It's got a ten-round clip that's always easy to change
You know, if it weren't for cops, I'd always get my way
I spend my time out on the lam
There's just something po-lice hate about a stickup man

Yeah, there's something po-lice hate about a stickup man

YouTube Gems: George Jones

Kellie Pickler Can Count to Three

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #12

The hook is the thing. It needs to be strong, rememorable and marketable. Especially that last thing. If you ain't got a sharp hook, you ain't got shee-it. My hooks have brought me great wealth and that has led to great refinement and sophistication. #1 songs, hoochie mamas, fur coats, you name it, I've had it, I'll get it or I don't want it. It's also good to have a nice right hook when you're in my position of superiority. Sometimes you gotta keep fools in check.

Fun With Charts & Graphs: ZBB

Click for a closer view.

Billy Currington "People Are Crazy" Lyric Parody

People Are Lazy

(Parody of Billy Currington's "People Are Crazy")

Me and this old fart

At this run down redneck bar

Were shootin' us some bull and

Drinkin' too much beer

Laughin', talkin' sh*t

Pointing out the ugly chicks

Makin' fun of hicks and

Being a couple of dicks

We talked about this town

It's old and falling down

The water is smelly brown,

God's ashamed, beer is good and people are lazy

He said "I've dodged a war,

Six times I've got divorced"

What put you on welfare roles?

I belched "Damn if I know"

We talked bout the President

How he's stealin' every cent

We can't pay trailer rent

And still afford to get bent

We pondered the Bachelorette

Over some cigarettes

Cussin' how football ain't started back yet

Oh, God's ashamed, beer is good and people are lazy

Last call was 2:00am

We both threw up and then

I never saw that dude again

Till just yesterday

I saw the old fart's face

Up on a big billboard

For not payin' his child support

And right next to him was me

"Bitch turned me in" I swore

Yeah, I was mad as hell

I can't pay, I been in jail

So I left town today

Going the Greyhound way

And guess who I ran into in seat 5-A

(and he had a six pack with him!)

You know, God's ashamed, beer is good and people are lazy

God's ashamed, beer is good and people are lazy

God's ashamed, beer is good and people are lazy

Fun With Charts & Graphs: Jamey Johnson's Beard

Click for a closer view.

31 Country Music Themes: 10-14

I neglected to post any country themes last week, so here's a double scoop.

Refer to this entry for the explanation if you haven't checked these out before.

Odds & Ends Xtra Large

YouTube Jams: The Leprechaun Rap

I don't wanna doubly exploit people acting a fool so I'll let you look up the original news story that led to this for yourself (if you haven't seen it already - I'm a little late). It's hilarious and this rap remix is hilarious-er. You might even get it stuck in your head.

Best of 2009 So Far: July

As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or favorites... or not. I highlighted (bolded) a few new entries that I'm really enjoying lately that may be moving up on the next edition.

Some upcoming releases I'm excited about that you'll likely see on this list in future days include: Lucero - 1372 Overton Park; Pete Bernhard - Straight Line; George Strait - Twang; Gloriana - s/t (ha ha, just kidding); Black Crowes - Before the Frost... & ...Until the Freeze and others from Lyle Lovett, Blitzen Trapper (who I'm obsessed with lately), Dr. Dre, Pearl Jam, Built to Spill, Megadeth.... whew! Anyway, here's the best so far:

Top Albums of 2009

As of July 31

1. Son Volt - American Central Dust

2. Ben Nichols - The Last Pale Light in the West

3. Charlie Robison - Beautiful Day

4. Justin Townes Earle - Midnight at the Movies

5. Slaid Cleaves - Everything You Love Will Be Taken Away

6. Chris Knight - Trailer Tapes II

7. Magnolia Electric Company - Josephine

8. The Devil Makes Three - Do Wrong Right

9. Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears - Tell 'em What Your Name Is

10. Deer Tick - Born on Flag Day

11. Brad Paisley - American Saturday Night

12. Krizz Kaliko - Genius

13. Steve Earle - Townes

14. Wilco - Wilco (The Album)

15. The Deep Dark Woods - Winter Hours

16. Phosphorescent - To Willie

17. Great Lake Swimmers - Lost Channels

18. Roman Candle - Oh Tall Tree in the Ear

19. John Moreland & The Black Gold Band - Endless Oklahoma Sky

20. Owen Temple - Dollars and Dimes

21. Holly Williams - Here With Me

22. Wayne Hancock - Viper of Melody

23. Ryan Bingham - Roadhouse Sun

24. Ha Ha Tonka - Novel Sounds of the Nouveau South

25. Dave Matthews Band - Big Whiskey & The Groogrux King

26. Todd Snider - The Excitement Plan

27. The Gourds - Haymaker!

28. Mastodon - Crack the Skye

29. Eric Church - Carolina

30. The Fox Hunt - America's Working So We Don't Have To

31. Red Fang - s/t

32. Huck Notari - Very Long Dream

33. The Dead Weather - Horehound

34. Strand of Oaks - Leave Ruin

35. Doug Paisley - s/t

36. Chuck Mead - Journeyman's Wager

37. The Extraordinaires - Electric and Benevolent

38. Scott Miller - For Crying Out Loud

39. Patterson Hood - Murdering Oscar

40. Dale Watson - The Truckin' Sessions (v.2)

.99 Review - Fast Ryde

.99 Review - Fast Ryde "That Thang"

The People's Take

first review (5 Stars) – this is pretty sick!

-JJARED

Not too shabby (3 Stars) – did sound like big & rich. But loving the picture on their cover!

-Novagirl82

I'll Take "Annoying" For $500, Please... (1 Star) – Are you serious? This is just awful. I should have given my money to charity...

-Tastes Great

My Take

I've heard this described as a party song or a novelty song, but that must be some sort of sick joke. The lyrics read more like a tragedy to me. This lady has some real difficulties in her life, yet this new band chooses to ridicule and exploit her issues.

She got that thang in her back? She really should see a doctor. It could be a bulging disc or a tumor.

It makes people say "Hey, look at that"?? These are some very inconsiderate people pointing out her hump (not her lovely lady lumps).

It might set something on fire? What's going on back there that could do that?!? Apparently, that thang in her back is so large, it's causing some really dangerous friction against her clothing.

This is serious stuff! These tools shouldn't write and perform a song about this poor lady's condition or deformation, they should write and perform an actual country song to make money to help out with her medical bills. She can't fit in her shorts, people!

She's got junk like a trailer yard? So, she's got a car up on blocks, a rusted out hibachi, some beer cans and a broken plastic flamingo? Somebody get Extreme Home Makeover on the line! Someone with such a hard life shouldn't have to worry about her property decor and landscaping.

It's plumb disgraceful how these guys point out this woman's flaws but offer up nothing to remedy her sad situation. Aside from the godawful sound of the music, the ill-fitting hip-hop affectations and the annoying repetition of "dang" and "doing" (which rhymes with boing, not booing - which I'm doing), this is the most depressing and pointless song currently on country radio. I hope that radio programmers and country fans alike will dismiss its insensitive and abusive message. Good day.

Total value: .09/.99

The Checklist

Church/God

Mama

Boots

✓Name Dropping

Dying Person

County Fair

Lost Love

✓Love(??)

Hometown Pride

Kindly Advice

Truck

Whiskey

Beer

✓Life Affirmation(??)

USA

Soldiers

Pop Sheen

Star Power

Hip-Hop Honest Album Covers

Alt-Country Weekly

Click for a closer view.