Nov 3, 2010

Lady Antebellum lyric parody

Wally World
(parody of Lady Antebellum's "Hello World")

Parking lot
Smells like crotch
Spot opens up in the front after I parked in the back
I see an obese man, parked in handicap
No sticker on his Chevrolet
His massive hands, steer a Hoveround, and he scowls at me

Hey Wally World
How you been?
Hate to see you, can't pretend
Sometimes I fear, walking into here
Chokin' back my sad and angry tears
This place is hell, Why do I do this to myself? Oh Wally World

Every time I choose the cleanest grocery cart
Its got one broken wheel, it squeals and pulls left real hard
Maybe I should step aside, say a prayer
But it's even more than God can bear
Oh I'm getting scared, I pray my life to spare

Well Wally World
How you been?
Hate to see you, can't pretend
I lose my smile on the center aisle
Wife just wants chips, have to walk a mile
This place is hell, Why do I do this to myself?
Oh Wally World

Lady forgets what the express lane's for, twenty or less, she's got 34
She needs a price check
On a five dollar dress
I blame my wife, that I may spend my life in Wally World

Wally World
Cutting prices everyday
But with your soul you will pay
The light stops flashing green
I fall down on my knees
In Wally World, Wally World, Wally World

Nov 2, 2010

.99 Reviews: Jason Aldean - Dirt Road Anthem






Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist's .99 Review

Trailer asked me to take over one of his usual duties for this particular review. He shows a lack of commitment if you ask me, and this is a hallmark of indolence. On to the review...
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The Sinners' Takes
BG (3 Stars)
by Tabor Lee
hahahahahaha is that jason aldean's sorry cover for dirt road anthem? wow, not a bad album, but jason aldean just caint sing brantley gilbert or colt ford's songs. go ahead and steal someone else's songs.

Disappointed (2 Stars)
by Sarah Schroeder
The rest of (Aldean's new album) might be great but I really can't get past the fact that "My Kinda Party" and "Dirt Road Anthem" are not Jason Aldean's songs, they are originally sung by Brantley Gilbert, and much better I might add...
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My Testimony
This may be one of the most sinful songs I have yet reviewed for this "blog," (that's saying a lot since a previous song put me in the hospital for a weekend's stay - thank you for the cards and flowers!) and the fact that Mr. Aldean has, according to iTunes reviewers, actually stolen this song from a lesser known singer makes it all the more egregious. Really Jason? Haven't your other musical interpretations put enough of the root of all evil in your Wrangler pockets?? Are the countertops in your mansion not granite-y enough? Are your Viking appliances not applying to your satisfaction?

Aldean's greed and peculation aside, this song presents the listener with some iniquitous habits, literally and spiritually. The song opens with a chorus that teaches impressionable young country fans that drinking and smoking (while driving!!!) is an acceptable practice. Also, he makes reference to that wicked sinner George Jones, holding him up as some sort of miscreant role model.

As I know country music, gospel and bluegrass to be the only acceptable forms of musical expression in the eyes of the Lord, the verses of this "anthem" truly turn from the will of Holiness. Jason invokes the vilest trash of "music," by rapping the lines. I felt the slow turn of Satan's gaze upon my neck as Aldean "dropped some knowledge" on me about more devious doings in the late night hours of the rural south.

Jim, Jack, Marlboro, fornication, fighting, hell-raising... Aldean hits every country bullet-point on Hell's introductory brochure. But "I ain't hearin' that yo," and neither is God. I believe this country has lost its way and that this is another knock against the Father and that he soon may remove his hand of protection.

I feel certain this album cut from Aldean's new album will find its way to radio before long, as just another step in the Liberal Media's plot to pull the roots of country music and the good zealous country fans of the red states. I only pray that you are all prepared for the Judgment that will surely follow. When I hear the beat of this song, I hear the distant hoofbeats of four fearsome steeds.

Total Value: .00/.99

Country Face Swaps: Keith and Nicole

Ew.

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