Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week: Valentines Edition

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews - Three Pack

Eric Church - Smoke a Little Smoke

It's probably beginning to look like Trailer only sends me the most sin-ridden of songs to review, all for the sake of controversy, but I don't believe that to be so. A quick look at the Bob Kingsley Countdown reveals trash such as this to be the rule and not the exception. A listener has about as much chance at hearing an uplifting song on country radio these days as a Methodist has at getting through the Pearly Gates. This particular song is only emblematic of the decay of society and our loosening mores. Mr. Church is at odds with his own last name singing this garbage pile of a song. My son-in-law Jerry, a Southern Baptist, tells me that this song is even more devious than it appears on the surface. He says it talks of smoking the Mary Wanna. How he recognizes this is a discussion for another day. Eric Church apparently does not believe in God or believes God to be a liar. God says we are to treat the body as a temple. If we are to trust the lyrical content of this song, Mr. Church treats his like an Ole Miss frat house. I am organizing the ladies' Bunco group and the men's softball team of our church to boycott any radio station that plays this horrendous tune. Any of our teens who have been exposed to it will undergo counseling and laying on of hands. As always, we will add the offender to our prayer list.

F

Miranda Lambert - Only Prettier

First of all, it may be a sin for a woman to play guitar. I'll be researching this in my Old Testament studies and will report back to you later on that. As country songs go these days, this one is a great deal less morally corrupt than most. However, that's like saying masturbation is a lesser sin than riverboat gambling. In this song's first line, Ms. Lambert claims salvation at the hands of Southern charm. Charm never saved a man or woman from the searing fires of hell. Beyond this, Miranda preaches a message of solidarity with people who want to fight her. Jesus would approve of this tenet, however, she ends this statement with "We're just like you, only prettier." Pride comes before a fall, Ms. Lambert. Basically this song is an insult disguised as a compliment. This reminds me of a phrase the ladies of my church are known to say in weaker moments: "Bless her heart." Trust me, if a woman is commenting on your attire or actions with "bless your heart," she does not wish the Lord's blessing upon you. She is pitying you and deciding which of her gossip friends she'll text first. These biddies have been forgiven, but I fear Miranda doesn't even realize her own inequity. This as she prepares to wed that most sinful of cads, Blake Shelton. As a preacher, I could not join these two in matrimony for fear of the Antichrist himself springing from their loins.

F

Craig Morgan - Still a Little Chicken Left on that Bone

This despicable song actually has the gall to hold up sinners as role models. A divorced woman! A pervert football player! All the while comparing them to fried chicken and Coca-Cola. I don't even fully understand that metaphor and I know it's wrong in the sight of the Lord. Also there's some devilish rock and roll guitars playing loudly throughout this ode to finding the tiniest bit of good left in a hellbound miscreant. While these evildoers may in fact be retrievable from those unpearly gates, one should not look to them as paragons of virtue. Write me a song after this harlot redeems her lifestyle - surely she ate of Satan's fruit, and after this ball player puts his pecker back in his Wrangler blue jeans and repents of his misdeeds. 1 John 5: 17 says "All unrighteousness is sin: and there is a sin not unto death. Verily, we shall only look upon righteousness as a virtue worth following. In summation: divorce and tallywhacker texts = damnation.

F

Video Junk: Puppet Porn

It was already a terrible song, and now the video is aimed at our innocent children. Joe Camel looks downright kid-friendly in comparison.

Brown Chicken Brown Cow - Trace Adkins - Trace Adkins Videos

Country Face(?) Swaps: Little Big Town

Click for a closer view.

YouTube Gems: Kasey Anderson & The Honkies

From their awesome new album Heart of a Dog (running neck and neck with Hayes Carll's new one for my favorite of '11 so far), here's Kasey Anderson and the Honkies with "Wrong Light." This isn't an official video; it's more of a bizarre piece of video art set to the song. Very cool and 120 Minutes-esque.

Honest Black Crowes Album Cover

Another Bleeding Cowboys offender

C'mon Chris, you're better than this.

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #48

Modern country songs are best written in comfort. In the old days, Hank Williams had a damn sawhorse with a board across it as a desk and his hot-ass backyard as an office. Simple surroundings = simple songs. Rich don't play dat. I set up shop in my plush personal writing space, complete with leather recliner, 52 inch HD television with internet hookup, a cold glass of Goose and a stogey. That's where I come up with my best music. This ain't 1983 anymore; mama's got a badass SUV and she ain't listening to no "Honky Tonkin'" in there… she wants something hip and familiar. So get yourself comfy and please her. If you don't, trust me, this outlaw country mackdaddy will do what it do!

*Not actually written by John Rich

5 Hip Hop/R&B Parody Covers

Band Mashup: Classical Meets Metal

The Scourge of Bleeding Cowboys

Bleeding Cowboys is a free grunge font offered at Dafont.com. When it first came out years ago, I'll admit I thought it was pretty cool. I started noticing it on blogs, t-shirts, logos and album covers. Didn't mind it so much. Then the calendar flipped over to 2008 and I was pretty tired of it. That didn't stop work-at-home graphic designers (and apparently, designers at major firms - see the Taylor Swift liner art and Daughtry cover) from slapping it on everything that needed attitude for years to come. The below is a large, but far from thorough collection of album covers and music-related art that uses the horribly overused Bleeding Cowboys. Designers: Stop being so cheap and lazy! (that's my job)

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

A timely photo of Gary singing at a football game.

You Suck as a Music Fan Vol. 2

•If you don't read Farce the Music. - Jen Campbell :)

•If you iTunes goes Taylor Swift to Taylor Swift with nothing before, after or in-between. - Justin Tate

•You hate any genre based on preconceptions alone

•You download illegally. - Christina Maccini

•There are 3 or less genres listed on your iTunes

•You won't buy a song or album that doesn't have the "Parental Advisory" label

•You think Sugarland is awesome. - @xMusicSnob99x

•You've never listened to a complete album start to finish

•You only like Metallica's music from The Black Album on

•You try to convince Farce the Music that your favorite band is good after he bashes them. - @TheOtherBrit

•You never bother to check your favorite artists out live! - @RealityofLynn

•You read Farce the Music. - @Rockstar_Aimz

•…you suck as a music fan. - Richard Grantham

•You don't know who Guy Clark is. - Butch Baker

•You don't know who Roy Clark is. - Jen Campbell

•You tolerate the existence of Nickelback. - Chris Neal

•You feel the need to predicate the word "country" with a descriptor…"NEW country"…"ALT country"…yadayadayada!!! - Christine Vaillancourt (uh oh! that's me!)

•You don't know who Jimi Hendrix is. - Michael Quinn

•Alison Bonaguro is your "go-to" source. - Karen Em K

Feel Bad For You mixtape February

This month's edition includes Ponderosa, Kitty Wells, Reckless Kelly, The Civil Wars and more. Check it out!

Stream it here:

Download it here:

http://feelbadforyou.atruersound.com/

This never gets old... (Gary LeVox)

YouTube Gems: Ponderosa

Here's a great 3 for 1 YouTube clip - 3 great tunes from southern rockers, Ponderosa. Their album Moonlight Revival is one of my early favorites of 2011.

Songs Illustrated #45

4 Pop Parody Covers

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio February 2011

Just when you think it can't get any worse…..

(Click on the titles to listen)

Snap Judgments - Promo Only Country Radio February 2011

Brad Paisley - This is Country Music

If this song had come out 10 years ago, I might give it a B+. As it stands, this is more of a restating of current country music's (over)recurring themes, than it is a valiant defense of the genre. Thou doth protest too much.

C-

Steel Magnolia - Last Night Again

This sounds like the sequel to Lady A's "Need You Now." They sound good together and this is kinda, sorta something new thematically… I guess.

C+

Aaron Russell - It Don't Get No Better Than This

Sounds like a 90's C-lister. Does this hook even have any gravity these days? For you born after 1980, the title was the tag line for some beer back in the day. Busch I think. This isn't good. Like Busch.

D-

Guy Penrod - Pray About Everything

I already know what the chorus is going to say before it gets here. I was right. Oh wait, this is a Luke Bryan song too… and he did a much better job with it. This should scrape the top 60 before dropping off the chart. Good message, just a flat performance.

D

Alabama - Are You Sure Hank Done it This Way

My prejudices were proved wrong here. This is a decent cover of the Waylon classic. A little pointless since it's no kind of retooling or different direction, but it's more solid than I expected. Randy sounds a little tired, but other than that, few complaints.

C+

Kid Rock - Born Free

This is no snap judgment since I've heard this song many times already. I thought it was a pretty dull take on Bob Seger at first, but it's grown on me. Kid Rock does okay with this classic rock sound. The line "if you can't see my heart, you must be blind" irks me, despite my comprehension of metaphor. If a metaphor makes you focus on its literal meaning, it's not effective. However, I hate this song way less than I should.

B-

Crossin Dixon - Goodbye to Henry

Another 90's redux song, but this kicks Aaron Russell's ass. These guys play around here all the time, so they can't be very good though. This is the best Montgomery Gentry song in years…but they had no part in it. Not bad, not bad. Most honest angle on the death of a friend to hit country radio (though it probably won't) in a while.

B-

Miranda Lambert - Heart Like Mine

This girl's got balls. A lot of reviews have stated that this was a safe single release. I don't agree. Mentioning how Jesus drank wine is not "safe" in my neck of the woods. That could get you excommunicated from the Baptist church, friends and Larry Lee agrees. I don't just love this song, but it's strong… Miranda should spread the wealth a little. She gets all the "chick songs" with any weight.

B+

Rascal Flatts - I Won't Let Go

Even thought I've already read CM's positive review, I won't let him influence my snark. If I haven't said it before, I don't hate every Rascal Flatts song... really. This one has a nice easy groove… it's way vague though. The melodies are pretty nice and "The Voice" doesn't over-emote here. Still, it's nowhere close to guilty pleasure territory. I might not have a conniption reaching to change the dial when this comes on, but I'll never seek it out.

C

Ashton Shepherd - Look it Up

As much as I love twang and "real" country, I'm gonna confess that Ashton's drawl may be a little much for even me. Not a bad song, but the repeating of "look it up" bugs the shit out of me in this song. It's like George Strait's "Write This Down." It doesn't really fit in every instance, lyrically… and that's more annoying than clever. I root for this girl out of principle, but I don't like this song.

C-

Steve Holy - Love Don't Run

Holy gets a hit every 3 years, rain or shine. I don't know that this is the one. Maybe it could catch the right ears and ride a wave of approval like Billy Currington's latest has, but Steve doesn't have quite the pipes that Billy does so he needs a more impressive song to pull his gravy train. Kinda boring.

C+

Ricky Skaggs - Someday Soon

Hmm, not sure why this is on here. It's more commercial sounding than anything I've heard from Ricky since the early 90's, but that still doesn't mean anything to radio programmers. I like this, though. It's a galloping mid-tempo anthem that inspires without preaching. If it had a little more spark to it, I could see a more pop leaning artist taking this into the top 10 - Rascal Flatts maybe.

B+

The Band Perry - You Lie

This "band" has proven itself far better than its debut single "Hip to My Heart," with its folksy bent and shining melodies. This song isn't all that… but it's still better than most of what's on the dial. I hope they take more chances next time out (next album, single, whatever). Plenty of promise in their sound though.

B-

Randy Montana - 1,000 Faces

Pop-country-rock. Yawn. 1,000 Faces is another "microcosm of what's wrong with country radio" song. It's vague, hell the hook barely makes sense, but that won't matter… it's sung by a handsome guy with a mainstream voice over a rocking mid-tempo country track. Not even remotely interesting.

D+

Rachel Timberlake - Honky Tonk Queen

American Idol review time - This is a karaoke performance. Nothing about this says "ready for country radio." This is the big leagues… you can't send a .250 batter from single A to play first for the Red Sox. Not good.

F

Trace Adkins - Brown Chicken Brown Cow

Sucks. This .99 review says it all.

F+

David Ball - Hot Water Pipe

David won't be returning to the upper reaches of Bob Kingsley's countdown with this quaint number. And as much of an apologist as I am for traditional sounding country… I wish the traditional country artists would at least give me some stronger ammo. This isn't exciting in the least. Apparently there's some sexual innuendo here, but it's a stretch. A dull ending to an extremely uninteresting edition of the Promo Only Country series. Let's hope for some better March releases!

C-

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week