May 16, 2011

Oh what the hell....

In reference to this.

Tracklist Prediction: Eric Church - Chief

Tracklist Predictions

In which, FTM attempts to predict what the songs will be about based on titles alone.

A week or two ago, Eric Church released the track listings for his upcoming release entitled Chief. Here are FTM's best guesses for what the songs will be about based only on the titles.

1. Creepin'
An update of TLC's "Creep," Eric Church's "Creepin'" expands on the subject of secretly cheating on a significant other who cheated first. In Eric's case, "creep" is fairly literal; he finds his attempts at sexing up random strangers repeatedly rebuked due to his sex offender-like appearance.

2. Drink in My Hand
Koolaid finally gets its due as Eric sings about memories of sipping the sugary fruit-flavored beverage during his formative years. Somehow working in his usual schtick of emphasizing his outlaw credentials, Church recounts the time, as a 5-year-old, he spent more than the allotted time on the GI Joe bounce-house while hopped up on grape Koolaid, then at 9 (drinking Island Punch) when he acted as if he had discovered all the cheats for Super Mario Brothers 2 (his subscription to Nintendo Power had more to do with it), then at 12 when he glued on his first fake porn-stache while pretending his lemonade Koolaid was beer.

3. Keep On
This inspirational piece tells rednecks to keep their head up and continue using smokeless tobacco products despite all medical and scientific information that says it's bad for you. It would be chosen as RJ Reynolds' new ad campaign theme if the government allowed them to advertise on television and radio.

4. Like Jesus Does
A song about things rednecks do that, presumably, Jesus also does. For example: throwing beer cans through the sliding rear glass into the truck bed, shooting road signs for no apparent reason and frying foods that were never intended for such purpose.

5. Hungover & Hard Up
A paradoxical take on the phenomenon of having morning wood while you're hunched over the porcelain throne.

6. Homeboy
You've already heard this take on why Eric dislikes black people. It's a hit, thus proving Nashville and all its fans are ragingly racist.

7. Country Music Jesus
A song about his buddy Kid Rock, who's neither country music, nor religious… but whatever. It's got a helluva guitar riff!

8. Jack Daniels
The spirits industry finally gets a much-needed nod from the country music community, lifting this little known distillery to regional, neigh, national recognition. The song, not actually about the specific brand, only mentions the whiskey in passing, drawing comparisons to Jason Aldean's "Johnny Cash."

9. Springsteen
Eric talks about the time he met Bruce Springsteen and gave him his autograph.

10. I'm Gettin' Stoned
Eric likes to hit the bong, in case you didn't know. This is Chief's marijuana ode, much as Brad Paisley once included a gospel song on every album. Only, Church is, you know, an outlaw. Big time, chief.

11. Over When It's Over
A satirical song about cliches, "Over When it's Over" takes celebrities to task for their over-use of trite statements and maxims, such as "it is what it is" and "taking it to the next level." Church shows a shocking amount of self-awareness and proves he is not just an outfaux, but an entertainer with his finger on the pulse of popular culture and a snarky sense of humor. Farce the Music shuts down in the wake of this turning point in the general public's recognition of meta-humor.

May 13, 2011

YouTube Gems: Austin Lucas

From his EXCELLENT and highly recommended new album A New Home, In the Old World, here's Austin Lucas' video for one of my favorite tunes of the year, "Thunder Rails."

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