Showing posts with label Beyonce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beyonce. Show all posts
Jan 3, 2025
Dec 31, 2024
Dec 30, 2024
Dec 11, 2024
What Your Favorite Album of 2024 Says About You
-------
Jelly Roll - Beautifully Broken
You always hated country music and only listened to stuff like Hoobastank and Theory of a Deadman until Jelly came along. You are blissfully unaware of his former life as a rapper. You know your disc golf handicap. You didn’t finish your degree at Arkansas State Mid-South because of a slight gambling addiction, but your dad happily let you come on at the windshield repair shop.
Johnny Blue Skies - Passage du Desir
You’re either a Sturgill fan from way back, or a jam band fan who suddenly developed good taste. You also may be a scooter riding yacht rock connoisseur. Whichever way, you’re cool with me.
Petty Country
You always thought Tom Petty’s voice was kind of harsh, so you’re happy Nashville finally watered down his songs for you. You listen to this in the background while yelling at site supervisors as you cut people off on the highway in your F-450 XLT that you don’t actually do any work in. All the parenting duties fall on your (third) wife.
Thomas Rhett - About a Woman
You are married to Thomas Rhett.
Oliver Anthony - Hymnal of a Troubled Man’s Mind
You consider yourself deep because you memorized a Robert Frost poem one time in 7th grade. You knew he meant other obese people who like fudge rounds, not you. You aren’t from Appalachia, but you did stay in a Holiday Inn Express in Pigeon Forge one time.
Beyoncé - Cowboy Carter
You don’t really care if the album is country or that Beyoncé said it isn’t. It must be acknowledged as such and all must bow. You have only listened to the album like 3 times total. The color of your hair is not natural to the human species.
Luke Bryan - Mind of a Country Boy
You own a shop that sells mid-priced jewelry, tee shirts with southern sayings, and trendy pottery. You were asked to be the house mother for the Tri-Delts at Ole Miss but your husband spends so much time driving around in his F-450 XLT yelling at people, all the parenting duties fall on you.
Dec 10, 2024
Dec 6, 2024
Nov 27, 2024
Nov 21, 2024
Nov 8, 2024
What Is Luke Bryan Doing in This Photo?
Maybe….
Breaking in his first pair of regular fit jeans for men
Pondering the meaning of a three syllable word someone said to him
Being outstanding in his field
Proving his country authenticity as a $12 million dollar home looms in the background
Wondering what it would be like to hunt open ground like this rather than land with a cage around it
Wishing one of the workers would come show him how to hook up this plow
Wondering if maybe he should evolve his music towards a more mature and organic sound then laughing uncontrollably after the photo was taken
Being sad that Jason Aldean hangs around Donald Trump more than him lately
Being disappointed that he didn’t bring back the neckbeard like Wallen brought back the mullet
Being thankful that Joe Rogan didn’t ask him any difficult questions
Decompressing after a hard day of reading mean comments about him online
Hiding out from the Bey Hive
Thinking about how disappointed the extended family will be when they all get unsold Mind of a Country Boy vinyl this Christmas
Hoping his testicles will finally re-descend after years of skinny jeans
Nov 6, 2024
Nov 1, 2024
Jul 11, 2024
Jul 2, 2024
What Your Favorite Country Summer Song Says About You
-----
Dierks Bentley - Somewhere on a Beach
You hated bro-country, but can make an exception on this song because Dierks is your guy. You talk yourself into Dierks being above all that because he plays bluegrass sometimes. You’ve reached the age you’re starting to get all the “I got injured by sleeping wrong” memes.
Little Big Town - Pontoon
You’re not really a big music listener. You just like this one because you think “motorboatin’” is funny. Usually, you’re listening to various Housewives of (whatever city) podcasts and texting while you cut people off in your Maxima.
Alan Jackson - Summertime Blues
You couldn’t think of anything else, so the first one with “summer” in the title that popped into your head was your answer. Not that it’s a bad song, it’s just that “Chattahoochee” was right there. You spend most of your free time rewatching The Pacific War in Color.
Kenny Chesney - No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem
You’re fifty-two, recently divorced, and having the time of your life. You own Chesney’s entire discography but love the hits the most. You’ve seen him live 23 times and secretly think he’d love you if you could just meet him. You’ve ended friendships over “he might be gay” jokes.
Aaron Lewis - Endless Summer
Your endless summer includes calling people gay online, drinking approximately 700 Bud heavies in your back yard, and trying to get your son into “real country music” like Aaron, Upchurch, and Buddy Brown.
Jimmy Buffett - Margaritaville
You are a basic ass bitch.
Beyoncé - Texas Hold ‘Em
Your endless summer includes threatening to move out of the country if Trump wins, drinking approximately 200 Titos & cranberry with the girls, and visiting multiple doctors to try to get on Ozempic even though you don’t really need it.
Sam Hunt - Body Like a Back Road
You never received affection from your dad as a kid. You tried being an influencer but spend too much time embroiled in drama with ex-boyfriends to ever put out any content besides a couple of yoga pants thirst traps. You have a degree in something that could make you six figures a year but still work at the tanning salon in your hometown.
Travis Tritt - The Girl’s Gone Wild
Just kidding. There is no such person in the world that would name this song as a favorite anything.
Morgan Wallen ft. FGL - Up Down
You don’t get offended by Farce the Music memes because you don’t understand them. You have never voted. You were ahead of the curve and made a low rider out of your $72K truck before your state outlawed squatting them. Your dad says if you’re not taking summer school, you gotta get a job to cover your online gambling addiction. He’s tired of covering for you, Dylan.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
LinkWithin
