Country TwitterFAIL Nov. 6, 2011

Senseless Censorship II

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio June 2011

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio June 2011

Extremely mixed bag this time out. Lots of good, lots of garbage, interspersed with the usual middle of the road. (Click song titles to listen)

Blake Shelton - Honey Bee

My first thought is "phoning it in." This is a catchy song, but it's such an easy release… no risk involved whatsoever. Sure Blake sounds good and the song is catchy, but there's not much "there" there. It's cheerful, radio-friendly and requires little attention. On top of that, it's mostly just a list of things that go together as a comparison to a relationship. Not bad, but at this point, I expect a lot more from Blake - at least as the first single from a new album anyway.

C

Trace Adkins - Just Fishin'

Following his usual pattern of "crap song-good song-crap song-good song," Trace delivers another strong release. It's well-intentioned and follows through on that message with a solid delivery. Trace just kills these "family is everything" songs. Good stuff.

A-

Luke Bryan - Country Girl (Shake it for Me)

Not good at all. Luke was poised to jump to the A-list… and probably still is, commercially, but this is just a bad, bad song. I like Luke and think he's got a ton of potential in the neo-traditional realm, but this is a flat-out laughable track. On the bright side, it's ripe for plenty of comedy material.

F

Stealing Angels - Paper Heart

Nice melody, fairly memorable song. Vocals are a little thin, but this isn't too bad overall.

C+

Brantley Gilbert - Country Must Be Country Wide

Disclaimer: I'm not a fan of this guy (or any of his compadres, but we'll get into that later). I think he's just Jason Aldean redux, and this song does nothing to refute that opinion. Lots of name-dropping, lots of rock riffs, lots of attitude. Nothing more. Some of his slower songs I've heard prove him to be more than a one-trick pony, but this isn't very good.

C-

Dierks Bentley - Am I the Only One

Another big talent kinda phoning it in, but at least this one's more fun. Just another light-hearted summer country partyin' song, but Dierks sounds into it enough to make me take notice. It's also populated with interesting details and characters, so it stands out to some degree.

B

Jason Aldean - Dirt Road Anthem

I told you he'd release this. I never had a doubt. 90% of my brain hates this so bad. It's a rap song, for those of you not in the know. He sings the chorus, but it's a rap song. And he drinks and drives in it. Not a very responsible message. Confession: 10% of my brain thinks this is very catchy and nearly a guilty pleasure. The 90% wins, however.

C-

Jaron and the Long Road to Love - It's a Good Thing

Jaron has been trying in vain to repeat the success of his '10 hit, uh, whatever it was called - that spiteful one about flower pots falling on his ex's head. This is like his 4th single since then, to no avail. It's not country, piano pop really. Jaron sounds good though. Way catchier than anything Jimmy Wayne's put out lately. Still, not a hit. Just not substantial enough for repeated play.

C

Reba - When Love Gets a Hold of You

Shouldn't that be "When Love Gets Aholta You" for the country market? This isn't bad, but feels a little thin. The melody just doesn't have enough highs and lows to keep my interest. Reba sounds great, as always, but this tune isn't up to her level. It sounds like a hit though.

C+

Jake Owen - Barefoot Blue Jean Night

Way better than I expected. It's a simple pop-rock summer anthem, but it's a helluva earworm. I should probably hate this but I don't… it just has a certain "it" factor I can't explain. Big hit.

B

Billy Currington - Love Done Gone

As happy of a sad song as you're gonna hear, "Love Done Gone" would be craptacular at the hands of a lesser vocalist, but Billy is not a lesser vocalist. The opening "babadabadaba's" nearly turned me off in the first place, but I stood strong and Billy hit a homerun with this release. I have a soft spot for bittersweet tunes like this. It's poppy, catchy and well-performed. A winning single.

B+

Margaret Durante - Maybe Tonight

Meh. Not catchy, not that well sung. Nothing to see here.

D

Rodney Atkins - Take a Back Road

Looks like my predictions that Rodney's 15 minutes were up were incorrect. He milked that last album with the sh*tty "Farmer's Daughter" tack-on-hit into some staying power, and follows that up with a surprisingly good new single. It follows his usual schtick, but without any of the shockingly embarrassing lyrics he usually drops in. There's a name-drop, but it's on-point with the song's theme, so no negative points for it. Unsurprisingly, a tractor is mentioned. I think he has a one-tractor-mention-per-song quota in his contract. Anyway, not a bad song at all.

B-

Jason Michael Carroll - Numbers

Cracker Barrel's newest employee delivers his first single for that label here, to not-so-great results. JMC's got a killer baritone, but he sounds way too stilted and karaoke-ish here. Also, the "numbers" theme gets tired out within the first two lines and it doesn't quit. This sounds like a too-clever lyric written by a lyric-critique message board regular (i.e. something I'd have written 5-6 years ago), and just isn't up to snuff with the market. Overkill in the thematic department too. Rewrite.

D

Randy Houser - In God's Time

Devastatingly good. Repeating myself: in the hands of a lesser vocalist, this might be overwrought and come off as way too schlocky… but Randy is not a lesser vocalist. In fact, he has, bar-none, the best voice in modern country music and he just kills in this song. If you don't listen to this with the ear of a jaded, better-taste-than-thou music snob, it's a near masterpiece. Here's hoping this guy finally gets his due.

A+

Sunny Sweeney - Staying's Worse than Leaving

Love this chick and this is my favorite track off her recent EP. It's kinda throwback in its theme - sounds very 90's in that aspect - but it's modern sounding. She's in great voice and this is a very solid tune. I'm so tired of happyhappyjoyjoy radio - we need more songs like this on Clearchannel.

A-

John Rich - For the Kids (warning: this vid's a tearjerker)

You know me - I want this guy to be FTM fodder for years to come - but he seems to possibly be maturing in more ways than one. His Celebrity Apprentice appearance actually had me rooting for him - on the show and in his life, that he'll overcome the reputation he's lived down to for years. Honestly, this is not a song I'll listen to multiple times, but for what it is (an anthem for the St. Jude's Childrens Hospital), it's excellent. John sounds better than he usually does on slower songs, and this isn't bad overall. I'll average out my personal feelings and my critical perspective and give this a:

B

Danielle Car - Pretty Please

Thin, poorly produced. Catchy though. Pretty good mix of country and rock with a little attitude mixed in. The lyrics are middling, but in parts, memorable. That all adds up to a:

C

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews II

Billy Currington - Pretty Good at Drinking Beer

Before I begin, I ask the Lord's forgiveness that I even allowed my ears to be party to this deplorable work of soul-staining music. And now, two Proverbs from the very same chapter (20) 1.Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler and whosoever erreth thereby is not wise; 4. The sluggard will not plow by reason of the Winter. What these verses are telling us is that Billy Currington is on a steady and straight path into the infinite tormenting fires of Hell, my friends. In this song, he tells us that he is not only lazy and useless, but that the only skill he possesses is drinking beer. Friend, a dog can drink beer, and where are dogs going? Hell, for they know not the Lord! And sloth, why that's one of the Seven Deadly Sins. I tell you now that the lifestyle espoused in this song can only lead to marital strife, unemployment, alcohol abuse, estrangement of friends (except for Satan himself) and eternal damnation. Jesus, I ask you to remove these demons from Billy. He is still Your child, but he has gone astray. Listeners of this song need to fall upon their face and tearfully beg that they might be spared everlasting separation from the Father. Amen.

F

Reba McEntire - Fancy

Mr. Turnage, my daddy, asked me to write down a few lines about this song because he is currently on his way to the local medical center because he was having chest pains after hearing this "Fancy." He said that he prays he does not pass from this mortal coil directly after hearing this perverse song because he fears his salvation may not weigh in the balance against such a wretched work. He says it is a celebration of materialism and prostitution, whatever that means. If my daddy dies, I will hunt you Reba. Daddy might be above fury and retribution, but I ain't, bitch! (I hope he don't read this!) Oh yeah, he says this song is a big fat F. Amen.

Country Day October '10

Relative Size Chart #22

Click for a closer view.

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio August

I'm a little late on this month's release, but better late... (click the links for a video or song sample)

The JaneDear Girls - Wildflower

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the female Rascal Flatts. Oh wait, that was SheDaisy. Well, the JaneDears are in that neighborhood anyway. Wildflower is kinda catchy, overly bouncy, too pop, way too generic. The song sounds like it was written by a professional pop songwriter who's never actually spent more than a week in the country. (cue the commenter who actually knows the writer, who's lived in Bucksnort, AR all his life and has more country in his pinkie finger than I have in my whole body)

D

Billy Currington - Pretty Good at Drinking Beer

Depending on your perspective, this is either a lovable loser anthem built for the dog days of summer... or it's a repetitive tune about a lazy jackass. I'm somewhere in the middle, leaning towards the former.

B-

Leean Rimes - Swingin'

A lot of critics and bloggers are loving this bouncier cover of John Anderson's 80's classic. Not this one. It's not bad, it just doesn't relate to me on any sort of emotional level.

C

Lady Antebellum - Our Kind of Love

Lady A has played it way too safe since their breakthrough hit and this continues the trend. Good enough, but they're capable of so much more.

C

Bo Bice - Take Yourself With You

Bo's warm, Travis Tritt-like voice is well suited for country, but it seems Bo is using the same songwriters Tritt's been using for the past 10 years. This is like putting (Nascar champ) Jimmie Johnson in a hatchback for the next Nextel race.

D+

Stealing Angels - He Better Be Dead

Holy crap. Don't date this girl! Don't flirt with this girl! And especially don't have a one night stand with this girl! The spite dripping from this song makes Jaron's "Pray For You" sound like a lullabye. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this is kind of an answer song to that one, in attitude anyway. And women wonder why men have commitment issues. Besides that, this is at best a C-rate country song. But it grades out at:

D

Kevin Fowler - Pound Sign

Catchy, semi-clever novelty song that will wear out its welcome in coming weeks.

C+

Miranda Lambert - The House that Built Me (Acoustic)

Perfection delivered a little more simply. If the original doesn't win a Grammy, a CMA, a CMT, an AMC, a People's Choice, an Oscar (okay, not that one)... something's wrong.

A

Darren Kozelsky - Somebody Find Me a Preacher

My opinion of this song is surely tainted by hearing Trace Adkins' earlier rendition of it. Darrin's version comes off quite a bit more lifeless. It's still a good song, but the performance is underwhelming.

C-

Blackberry Smoke - Good One Comin' On

Normally a song about partying that includes a line "keep this party rocking till the break of dawn" would get an instant D or less grade from me, but "Good One Comin' On" is catchy and there's a strong "it" factor radiating from this track. It should get a fair look from radio programmers. Bonus points for the Ray Wylie Hubbard mention.

B

Julianne Hough - Is That So Wrong

Julianne turns toward more "adult" material with this tune and her new album. What I think she meant is "adult contemporary." Bore.ing. Video's nice though! (Put that rolling pin away, Mrs. Trailer)

C

Frankie Ballard - Tell Me You Get Lonely

Simple, catchy and well sung. Possible hit, but the field is crowded. (side note: I didn't know there were still people who went by "Frankie" and weren't gangsters; is Frankie's girlfriend named Florence?)

B-

Toby Keith - Trailerhood

I was expecting the worst after hearing Josh Turner's crappy song with the same title a couple years back, figuring for TK's take on the same. I was happily surprised to be proven wrong. While this is still mostly a listing song telling the virtues and vices of living in a mobile home park, there's a friendly joy in this song that makes it more of an engaging experience than an amusing museum piece.

B+

Billy Currington Parody

Please note that this is a satire as well as a parody.

For Rick...

That's How Obamavoters Roll #tcot

(Parody of Billy Currington's "That's How Country Boys Roll")

They wake up in the morning and they drink their soy latte

Flip on CNN faster than a Mazeratti

On the way to work they might stop by Trader Joe's

That’s how Obamavoters roll

Yeah, they beg, beg, beg, all week till the grant gets done

Weekends they burn down churches while munching scones

They run on a bleeding heart and worship Al Gore

That’s how Obamavoters roll

Chorous

Yeah, they’re cursing God's will

Spreadin' vile filth

From their downtown loft abodes

Singin' Streisand

Might wed a man just because you think it's gross

From Baldwyn to Glover to Ellen and her lover

Total deviance is their goal

That’s how Obamavoters roll

Verse 2

Well they've got to spread the wealth aroud

They'll levy a tax

And if you're broke and you ask

They'll give you the shirt off my back

All they need is a bill to pass

A few dollars to blow

That's how Obamavoters roll

Chorous

They like to kill babies

Ban cuttin' trees

And turn us into Mexico

Singin' Streisand

Might wed a man just because you think it's gross

Politically correct, hating Limbaugh and Beck

Socialism is their goal

That’s how Obamavoters roll

Pelosi!

Yeah they’re whinin' out loud

Leftist and proud

They love Karl Marx but not "Going Rogue"

That's how Obamavoters roll

Don’t you know