Farce the Music: Blackberry Smoke

Apr 7, 2021

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in Southern Rock

Most of these “jerk” lists have been surprising. This one, not as much. Rock stars are well known for ego and snotty behavior. Even though they may put off good vibes online or when meeting fans, here are some of Southern Rock’s most egregious offenders.

10. Gregg Allman

Only married Cher to piss off southern rock fans. Kept bus fridge stocked with clean urine despite never actually having to take drug tests.

9. Wes Bayliss (The Steel Woods)

Thinks turn signals are for the weak. Has a side job as one of those people who calls you about your car’s warranty.

8. Marcus King

Still draws dicks on sleeping bandmates like it’s a 1997 frat house. Insists upon a state trooper entourage walking him to the stage.

7. Dan Baird (Georgia Satellites)

Only plays “Keep Your Hands to Yourself” in a medley at concerts. Hangs the toilet paper “under.”

6. Cody Cannon (Whiskey Myers)

Puffs, puffs, puts it out. Secretly a hit pop-country songwriter under the alias Corey Crowder. Burps and blows in your face.

5. Susan Tedeschi

Only allows mainstream country stations to be played over the tour bus speakers. Makes band sign non-disclosure agreements so no one knows about her Red Man habit. One member is being fired at this moment.

4. Charlie Starr (Blackberry Smoke)

Talks in a fake Southern aristocrat accent for interviews. Doesn’t flush. Doesn’t put his grocery cart up.

3. Dale Krantz Rossington (The Rossington Band, Skynyrd)

Used to hide rotten fruit in Leon Russell’s beard while he was asleep. Cheats at Words with Friends. Hollers “Play Free Bird!” while actually on the stage with Lynyrd Skynyrd.

2. Derek Trucks

Never responds to text messages. Intentionally uses poor grammar and spelling on Facebook posts to trigger perfectionists. Personally selects the pre-show monitor music: all Ricky Martin hits. Doesn’t pick up after his dog.