Showing posts with label Blackjack Billy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blackjack Billy. Show all posts

Jul 23, 2013

In the Year 2030: July '13


Scott Borchetta again pimping the latest late-teens country-pop ingenue
and it's way creepier than ever.

Blackjack Billy enjoy a case of Old Milwaukee and fondly
recall that time they put an album out 17 years ago.

Number 1 country song is the hip-hop anthem "Slut-ass Hoe" which wasn't
even released to country radio but gained interest because the rapper casually
mentioned being from the south in the lyrics.

Shooter Jennings/Triggerman feud enters its 20th year with no sign of a truce.

A retired Ronnie Dunn lists his career regrets as follows: breaking up B&D,
that rap song in 2013, and that EDM album in 2014.

Trucks banned for environmental reasons. 
Country radio shuts down until songwriters can regroup.

Hunter Hayes' career comes to an end when his voice finally changes.

Shinedown's third country album goes double platinum.

Rascal Flatts plan reunion tour, to the delight of caterers across America.

Aging Brantley Gilbert fans dismayed to find that their sagging
BG tattoos now resemble the word "butt" in cursive.

Jul 22, 2013

Little Known Facts: July '13


By Jeremy Harris

Recently, Justin Moore was detained for 5 hours at a Chuck E. Cheese's while 
management searched for an adult with a matching hand stamp.

Tasteofcountry.com offers neither taste, nor country as the name would imply it should.

Darius Rucker was originally scheduled to be on the cover of the current Rolling Stone magazine but was removed due to his version of "Wagon Wheel" being so polarizing.

MySpace is being relaunched so there can be one social media site
without a Shooter/Trigger feud.

The part of Stephen in Django Unchained was originally written for Robert Earl Reed.

Taylor Swift's grandmother makes annoying surprised faces when she wins at bingo.

If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. Therefore, there will not 
be a Blackjack Billy Little Known Fact this month.

Plans for a Dallas Moore talking doll were scrapped when designers
realized the manufacturing cost would be too high due to the amount of memory required
to hold all of the catchphrases Dallas uses daily.

If Brantley Gilbert could read he would hate this website.

Baby this a fact and it be written by Florida Georgia Line.

May 29, 2013

Single Review: Blackjack Billy - The Booze Cruise

Sometimes there's not anything I can say about a song that's more damaging than the very existence of said song. This is probably one of those times, yet I shall strive to provide ample hatin' on this piece of crap.

"The Booze Cruise." The title alone alerts you that this song is likely not a cover of some unearthed Townes Van Zant gem. That's cool, fun songs are just fine. I can't listen to ALL depressing Americana, so a little levity is appreciated from time to time.

This song is also irredeemably stupid. I suppose dumb songs are okay too. AC/DC lyrics will never be mistaken for Shakespeare and I love 90% of their songs.

It's when you combine fun, stupid and unoriginal that problems arise for me. "The Booze Cruise" nails all three with aplomb. Blackjack Billy is Florida-Georgia Line with more dudes and a less identifiable sound. If that sounds enticing to you, I have to ask: Why are you here?

Let's tackle the lyrical content. You know how people always used to say "I think I just threw up in my mouth?" (If you're still saying it, please stop). Anyway - I actually did feel a bit queasy listening to this. Even though I was in the comfort of my own home, I had to look around and make sure nobody caught me listening to it. I turned off my Last.fm scrobbler so it would not be recorded that I ever listened to this excrement. But I did.

And I heard lyrics like: "Booze cruise, summer groove, I wanna see your booty move" and "Who wants to do a body shot off a string bikini/We call that a hillbilly martini." Seriously. They're just making up shit, right? They call it a hillbilly martini because it rhymes with bikini, but nobody has ever said that in the history of ever. Also, there are hotties (which is misspelled in the OFFICIAL lyric video!), flip flops, a pontoon, "get some," "it's going down" and "redneck margarita."

There is also a 16 year old on the Booze Cruise. I'm sure she's drinking virgin redneck margaritas though, so it's all good dawg.

This song is misogynistic. It's unoriginal. It will lower your IQ by 20 points in two minutes and fifty-one seconds. Larry Lee would say it's hedonistic, and he'd be right. Let it be said now that anyone who utters the words "it can't get any worse" is flat out wrong. It can and will and just did.

F

One more thing, in the video that follows, a long haired 50-something on a beach "plays" Blackjack Billy's song on his jam box that clearly has no cassette in the deck. Dear Lord. The stupid must hurt.



Apr 24, 2013

Pre-Emptive Strike: Blackjack Billy

You haven't heard of these guys yet, but unfortunately you will. Surely they will grace the pages of Farce the Music for years to come.


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