Lately, there has been a lot of consternation toward the unwillingness of country music's biggest stars to speak out on the important issues facing Americans these days. Topics like guns, immigration, and President Trump seem completely off limits to the upper echelon of Music Row's top acts. Somehow, we got them to go on record with us about the hot-button topics of the day.
Showing posts with label Brantley Gilbert. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brantley Gilbert. Show all posts
Mar 16, 2018
Country Stars Finally Speak Out on Important Issues
Mar 1, 2018
Top 10 Things Brantley Gilbert Fans are Spending Their Tax Refunds on 2018
10. Converting the septic tank to an underground meth lab
9. The wedding
8. Adding on to the house
7. Getting a gun tattoo because Brantley did
6. Nothing, saving it
5. The entire Jay Hickman discography on vinyl
4. Getting a sexy photo shoot like Michael Hayes
3. Prison commissary credits for dad
2. Hospital bills
1. Anniversary gift for your side chick
Labels:
Brantley Gilbert,
Satire,
Top 10 Lists
Feb 22, 2018
Opinion: Stop Presenting Mainstream Country Stars as Saints
by Trailer
Look, I prefer positivity and goodness in life. Despite the snarky, critical persona I take on as the proprietor of this site, family, love, faith, and understanding are high up on my list of things that don't suck. Happy relationships and strong families are of utmost importance in this world. Charity is wonderful and if you can give to the less fortunate, do so. Be nice, tell the truth, do right, and all that stuff.
All that said, could one of the dudes from Old Dominion possibly get caught naked in a crackhouse with a one-legged prostitute? Can we maybe uncover a chop-shop on Brantley Gilbert's property? Are there incriminating photos of Kelsea Ballerini meeting with Russian informants? Did Thomas Rhett have a lost period of years as a drug mule?
An illegal firearm? Poaching? Jaywalking? Not even a misguided interview response? Nothing? Come on!
Almost to the person, country artists these days are either as plain as ecru painted walls or as sweet as cotton candy, and I'm over it. I miss the days when country artists were packing heat, snorting ski slopes of cocaine, and chasing tail from one coast to the other.
Can you imagine the memes Farce the Music would have generated in the 70s and earlier? These folks were driving their pimped out Cadillacs with the horns to their mansions with guitar shaped pools and taking all the drugs and drinking all the whiskey. They were having public screaming fights with their significant others at a Shreveport hotel. Even the nice guys were outlaws back in the day - John Denver made Jason Aldean look like Mr. Rogers. In 2018, all the rowdy friends have settled down.
The only thing safer than the lifestyles is the music. It all has an 80s elevator music quality to it. Every song's gotta fit the same sonic texture as everything else on country radio. It's not about getting the best music out to people; it's about keeping people zoned out and listening so they might pay attention to an ad about erectile dysfunction or mortgage refinancing every now and then.
And the country music news cycle now… this guy played a charity show, this lady is just so grateful to be liked, this couple adopted an entire town in Niger. Again, all those things are wonderful! By all means, please do good, country stars. I'm not saying they shouldn't. It's just gotten so syrupy sweet and perfectly groomed and PR managed that my eyes glaze over every time a story that should make me smile pops up on the news feed.
Look, I don't want anybody sinning and being unlawful just for the sake of edginess. All I'm asking for here is realness. Country music is about truth, and truthfully, nobody is as perfect as these people are made out to be. Somebody's cheating. Somebody's nursing a pill habit. Somebody else is an awful diva.
While some of these truths are understandably a little too controversial for PR people to let get out (not to mention that stars are people and deserve some level of privacy), other glimpses into stars' imperfections would make them more endearing. People probably would've been into Johnny Cash no matter what, but the fact that we knew he was as flawed (or more so) than the rest of us made him that much more relatable and beloved.
Let us see behind the curtain a little. All this white picket fence idealism is not only getting dull, it's insulting. We know better.
Jan 3, 2018
Alabama vs. Georgia!
Labels:
Brantley Gilbert,
Colt Ford,
football,
Jason Aldean,
Kane Brown,
Luke Bryan,
memes,
Satire,
Thomas Rhett,
Tyler Farr
Nov 22, 2017
Planes, Trains & Automobiles: Country Reaction Gifs
Every time I see the country top 40 charts
Having a conversation with a typical Brantley Gilbert fan like...
If you think Luke Bryan is ever going "back to his roots"
♫Runnin' from the cold up in New England♫
If you want Farce the Music to stop saying such mean
things about your favorite singer...
When Jerry Lee comes on
When the driver gets to DJ,
and he puts it on The Highway Sirius XM
It's almost this awkward when you catch yourself
liking a FGL song...
Oct 17, 2017
Top 10 Signs Your Best Friend is Secretly a Brantley Gilbert Fan
10. Every time you mention country music,
he says "It's country wide!"
9. Has more face tattoos than teeth
8. No visible means of support but his truck tires cost more than your car
7. Every time he comes over to your house,
something made of copper disappears
6. That time he found out you're the guy who runs Farce the Music,
you caught him holding up a butterfly knife behind your back
5. He learned most of his vocational skills in prison
4. The night Brantley is in town, he has to "wash his hair"
instead of come over and watch football
3. Never finished high school, but strangely adept
at chemistry with household products
2. Covered up his tattoo of his ex's name with brass knuckles
1. Talks like a rapper, but owns at least 5 rebel flag t-shirts
Labels:
BG Nations,
Brantley Gilbert,
Satire,
Top Ten Lists
Sep 27, 2017
WWE Country Reactions Gifs 25
When the bassist says
"We should cover Luke Bryan tonight"
What do you call people who don't like Tyler Childers?
The proper device for listening to
the new Dustin Lynch album with
Introducing your new steampunk alt-country band like
What will happen to Farce the Music if
Florida-Georgia Line ever disbands?
Are you excited about the new
Turnpike Troubadours album?
"You're a handsome guy and you can sing a little.
Who cares if you hate country and don't know any
Hank songs. We'll pay you millions.
Wanna be a country star?"
How to request that Brantley Gilbert fans have a seat:
Aug 8, 2017
Jul 18, 2017
Jul 13, 2017
The Crud Report: July 2017
Labels:
Austin,
Bobby Bones,
Brantley Gilbert,
Crud Report,
Fake News,
Kelsea Ballerini,
Satire,
UFC,
WWE
Jun 22, 2017
Neck Cut from Smashing Pumpkins Shirt to Make Douchebag Country Bassist Look Cool
A $12 "vintage look" Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt was recently purchased from a Chicago area Walmart and mutilated for the express purpose of making Nick "Slickdawg" Bolan, the dipshit bassist for a major mainstream country singer, look badass. This absolute asshat took a pair of scissors to the cheap approximation of a Siamese Dream tour shirt, tearing holes in the sleeves and removing the neck fabric completely, all to make it appear to unknowing fans that he is a Pumpkins fan from way back.
Fans were none-the-wiser at the Friday night concert, shouting their approval and throwing up the rock hand sign (a ™ of Gene Simmons Inc. 2017) as the ridiculous looking ballbag pounced around the stage behind his meaty band leader. "Whoooo Smashing Pumpkins!" yelled Evanston native Carly Sitz. "I don't know who that is, but the bassist looks like a total bad ass!"
The v-cut neck of the black shirt bearing a photo of two little girls huddled closely, hung low across the turd's shaven and sculpted chest muscles, revealing an ample display of tacky skull necklaces and moronic tribal tattoos. The 15 year old female fans and their inappropriately dressed mothers ate it up.
Bolan, who's only ever heard one Smashing Pumpkins song because it's played over the arena sound system before shows, pouted and shot fierce looks into the sea of fans, who responded in awe at the posing tool's putrid mohawk-mullet combo and fake biker apparel. The fuckstick never missed a lick as he laid down a groove for hit after bro-country hit, his wallet chain swaying through the strobe lights.
The jerk-off plans to wear a shredded Goo Goo Dolls shirt for the next show in Minneapolis, having idiotically mistaken the Goo Goo Dolls for Minneapolis' Soul Asylum. The asinine choad's equally insipid stylist believes this will somehow grant him 'street cred' from a crowd of teenagers who've never heard of either band.
At press time, Bolan was shining his square-toe boots while listening to Lil Uzi Vert.
Fans were none-the-wiser at the Friday night concert, shouting their approval and throwing up the rock hand sign (a ™ of Gene Simmons Inc. 2017) as the ridiculous looking ballbag pounced around the stage behind his meaty band leader. "Whoooo Smashing Pumpkins!" yelled Evanston native Carly Sitz. "I don't know who that is, but the bassist looks like a total bad ass!"
The v-cut neck of the black shirt bearing a photo of two little girls huddled closely, hung low across the turd's shaven and sculpted chest muscles, revealing an ample display of tacky skull necklaces and moronic tribal tattoos. The 15 year old female fans and their inappropriately dressed mothers ate it up.
Bolan, who's only ever heard one Smashing Pumpkins song because it's played over the arena sound system before shows, pouted and shot fierce looks into the sea of fans, who responded in awe at the posing tool's putrid mohawk-mullet combo and fake biker apparel. The fuckstick never missed a lick as he laid down a groove for hit after bro-country hit, his wallet chain swaying through the strobe lights.
The jerk-off plans to wear a shredded Goo Goo Dolls shirt for the next show in Minneapolis, having idiotically mistaken the Goo Goo Dolls for Minneapolis' Soul Asylum. The asinine choad's equally insipid stylist believes this will somehow grant him 'street cred' from a crowd of teenagers who've never heard of either band.
At press time, Bolan was shining his square-toe boots while listening to Lil Uzi Vert.
Jun 19, 2017
It's Summer Country Music Festival Time!
Labels:
Brantley Gilbert,
Florida Georgia Line,
Jason Aldean,
memes,
Satire,
Summer,
summer concerts
Apr 25, 2017
Honest Billboard Song Feature: Brantley Gilbert & Walker Hayes
Labels:
Billboard,
Brantley Gilbert,
Honest Song Features,
Sam Hunt,
Satire,
Walker Hayes
Mar 22, 2017
Top 10 Things Brantley Gilbert Fans are Spending Their Tax Refund on This Year
Top 10 Things Brantley Gilbert Fans
are Spending Their Tax Refund on This Year
10. Skoal Dispenser
8. Expand the family business
4. Bail
1. Some "cleaning supplies"
Labels:
BG Nation,
Brantley Gilbert,
Satire,
Top Ten Lists
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