The Six Least Anticipated Country Albums

Oh wait, that one's real...

The Crud Report: June 2018

Five CMT Awards Memes

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Country Reaction Gifs

You paid the equivalent of 4 hours work time to go see Brantley Gilbert?

Reading through pop country YouTube comments like...

When your friend describes taking their kids to the Luke Bryan concert last night

When you meet a Kane Brown fan in public

When you hear Jason Aldean is opening a restaurant nearby soon

When you're polite but you just heard a Mitchell Tenpenny song

The first time you hear Tyler Childers

There's 7 solo female singers in the country top 40?

Bloggers who keep listening to bad music and watching bad awards shows so we can complain about them... 

Remember when Sam Hunt put out a hip-hop song

and white people called it a country song?

Country Stars Finally Speak Out on Important Issues

Lately, there has been a lot of consternation toward the unwillingness of country music's biggest stars to speak out on the important issues facing Americans these days. Topics like guns, immigration, and President Trump seem completely off limits to the upper echelon of Music Row's top acts. Somehow, we got them to go on record with us about the hot-button topics of the day.

Top 10 Things Brantley Gilbert Fans are Spending Their Tax Refunds on 2018

10. Converting the septic tank to an underground meth lab

9. The wedding

8. Adding on to the house

7. Getting a gun tattoo because Brantley did

6. Nothing, saving it

5. The entire Jay Hickman discography on vinyl

4. Getting a sexy photo shoot like Michael Hayes

3. Prison commissary credits for dad

2. Hospital bills

1. Anniversary gift for your side chick

Opinion: Stop Presenting Mainstream Country Stars as Saints

by Trailer

Look, I prefer positivity and goodness in life. Despite the snarky, critical persona I take on as the proprietor of this site, family, love, faith, and understanding are high up on my list of things that don't suck. Happy relationships and strong families are of utmost importance in this world. Charity is wonderful and if you can give to the less fortunate, do so. Be nice, tell the truth, do right, and all that stuff. 

All that said, could one of the dudes from Old Dominion possibly get caught naked in a crackhouse with a one-legged prostitute? Can we maybe uncover a chop-shop on Brantley Gilbert's property? Are there incriminating photos of Kelsea Ballerini meeting with Russian informants? Did Thomas Rhett have a lost period of years as a drug mule?

An illegal firearm? Poaching? Jaywalking? Not even a misguided interview response? Nothing? Come on!

Almost to the person, country artists these days are either as plain as ecru painted walls or as sweet as cotton candy, and I'm over it. I miss the days when country artists were packing heat, snorting ski slopes of cocaine, and chasing tail from one coast to the other. 

Can you imagine the memes Farce the Music would have generated in the 70s and earlier? These folks were driving their pimped out Cadillacs with the horns to their mansions with guitar shaped pools and taking all the drugs and drinking all the whiskey. They were having public screaming fights with their significant others at a Shreveport hotel. Even the nice guys were outlaws back in the day - John Denver made Jason Aldean look like Mr. Rogers. In 2018, all the rowdy friends have settled down. 

The only thing safer than the lifestyles is the music. It all has an 80s elevator music quality to it. Every song's gotta fit the same sonic texture as everything else on country radio. It's not about getting the best music out to people; it's about keeping people zoned out and listening so they might pay attention to an ad about erectile dysfunction or mortgage refinancing every now and then. 

And the country music news cycle now… this guy played a charity show, this lady is just so grateful to be liked, this couple adopted an entire town in Niger. Again, all those things are wonderful! By all means, please do good, country stars. I'm not saying they shouldn't. It's just gotten so syrupy sweet and perfectly groomed and PR managed that my eyes glaze over every time a story that should make me smile pops up on the news feed. 

Look, I don't want anybody sinning and being unlawful just for the sake of edginess. All I'm asking for here is realness. Country music is about truth, and truthfully, nobody is as perfect as these people are made out to be. Somebody's cheating. Somebody's nursing a pill habit. Somebody else is an awful diva. 

While some of these truths are understandably a little too controversial for PR people to let get out (not to mention that stars are people and deserve some level of privacy), other glimpses into stars' imperfections would make them more endearing. People probably would've been into Johnny Cash no matter what, but the fact that we knew he was as flawed (or more so) than the rest of us made him that much more relatable and beloved.

Let us see behind the curtain a little. All this white picket fence idealism is not only getting dull, it's insulting. We know better.

Alabama vs. Georgia!

Planes, Trains & Automobiles: Country Reaction Gifs

Every time I see the country top 40 charts

Having a conversation with a typical Brantley Gilbert fan like...

If you think Luke Bryan is ever going "back to his roots"

♫Runnin' from the cold up in New England♫

If you want Farce the Music to stop saying such mean

things about your favorite singer...

When Jerry Lee comes on

When the driver gets to DJ, 

and he puts it on The Highway Sirius XM

It's almost this awkward when you catch yourself 

liking a FGL song...

Top 10 Signs Your Best Friend is Secretly a Brantley Gilbert Fan

10. Every time you mention country music, 

he says "It's country wide!"

9. Has more face tattoos than teeth

8. No visible means of support but his truck tires cost more than your car

7. Every time he comes over to your house, 

something made of copper disappears

6. That time he found out you're the guy who runs Farce the Music, 

you caught him holding up a butterfly knife behind your back

5. He learned most of his vocational skills in prison

4. The night Brantley is in town, he has to "wash his hair" 

instead of come over and watch football

3. Never finished high school, but strangely adept 

at chemistry with household products

2. Covered up his tattoo of his ex's name with brass knuckles

1. Talks like a rapper, but owns at least 5 rebel flag t-shirts