Showing posts with label Brantley Gilbert. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brantley Gilbert. Show all posts

Jan 24, 2020

Not All Brantley Gilbert Fans Are Criminals, Says Inmate Nat Barksdale


Hancock State Prison inmate Nat Barksdale wants you to know that not all Brantley Gilbert fans are criminals. He took time out of his busy staring at the wall routine to write us a letter to that effect.

Barksdale, who in 2012 was the first Brantley Gilbert fan ever to graduate from high school, is currently serving 7 years in the Sparta, GA correctional facility for B&E and possession with intent to distribute. He expects early release in 2022 thanks to his uncle who knows some people.

In Nat’s letter, he wanted to stress that almost half of the people he knows who are fans of Gilbert’s music have never even gotten felonies. On the contrary, many of them, while not really upstanding citizens, are gainfully employed and charitable individuals. He cited his friend Clarence, who despite a warrant or two, runs a profitable automobile ‘reclamation’ business in Smyrna. Clarence raises dogs for ‘sporting events’ and even gives freely of his ‘medical supplies’ when people are in need. Impressive. 

We’ll let Nat’s letter speak for itself now:
“Look, I know your joking and everything and I even laugh sometimes when I get internet time in the library, but I think your way off base. I’ve already told you about Clarence and Walt White, but their’s one that’s a real success story. That’s my ex Jeanette (Cosby). She graduated last year while raising are daughter and has got her own hair salon down on the bypass. We never did get married and she broke up with me once the charges stuck, but I’m still real proud of her. Anyway, please tell you’re readers that at least a third of BG Nation is pretty good people.”

When reached for comment, Cosby told us she didn’t listen to Brantley Gilbert anymore and was more into EDM.


Jan 15, 2020

Dec 10, 2019

11 Worst Country Songs of 2019

11 Worst Country* Songs of 2019
___________________________________________


1. Zac Brown Band - God Given
I somehow left Zac Brown off the original list, and I think that’s a symptom of his irrelevance these days. This is clearly the worst song released under the “country” heading in 2019. This song should be the new “Rick Roll.” What an embarrassment. Lame middle-aged white man rapping and beats and creepiness. Somebody set up an intervention soon.

2. Mitchell Tenpenny - Alcohol You Later
A heaving lump of R&B lite douchebaggery wrapped around a cliché of a hook.

3. Blake Shelton ft/Trace Adkins - Hell Right
Lame bro-country redux from the try-hard stepdad of mainstream country and his drunken uncle.

4. Luke Bryan - Knockin’ Boots
A cheesy come-on with stolen 90s slang. Cringe.

5. Avenue Beat - Delight
If they’re the future, I’m a proud boomer.

6. Florida-Georgia Line - Swerve
Not a single, yet, thankfully. As bad as anything they’ve done before, and that’s of course a deep well.

7. Mitchell Tenpenny ft/Seaforth - Anything She Says
Ugh. Mitchell Tenpenny has usurped Kane Brown as the artist whose voice makes me most quickly change the station.

8. Chris Lane - I Don’t Know About You
I don't know why you're still here.

9. Sam Hunt - Kinfolks
Not nearly as bad as driving the wrong way while drunk, but an affront to the senses to be sure. Please leave again.

10. Dustin Lynch - Ridin’ Roads
Dustin doubles down on his shallowness. His looks and willingness to blend into the sonic wallpaper are his only selling points now.

11. Brantley Gilbert - Fire’t Up
Brantley done fire’t up the wayback machine to 2013. His NFL performance was bad enough to trend on Twitter, and the studio version is only better in the way that getting punched in the stomach is better than getting punched in the face. 



*country = released into the country genre

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