Showing posts with label Carl Outlaw. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Carl Outlaw. Show all posts

Apr 13, 2017

Carl Outlaw Reviews The Chainsmokers (ft. FGL) - Last Day Alive

Carl Outlaw Reviews The Chainsmokers (ft. FGL) - Last Day Alive

Listen hear if your stupid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b6T0W3aLBg

What the shit, Trailer? Why don't you review this crap yourself and let me have the good music? Their's no excuse for it at all.

Well, this is a supposed "song" and it's by somebody called The Chainsmokers and our favorite dumbass duo, Florida-Georgia Line. I don't even know who the Chainsmokers are and that's not a lie. I looked at there picture and can tell they suck. Supposably, they do EPMD music or something like that. If it ain't made by a real by-God instrument, than it's not really music. There smoking something alright, but it's not a chain!



Whats funny is FGL is so pop country you can't even tell any difference I bet. Their better be a steal guitar in your song, if you want me to listen to it!! Theses stupid motherf***ers don't even know what real music is.

I'm not going to listen to this but I imagine its about living it up before you get old or some bullshit like that. As if we don't know that. But hell, I'd rather sit in a room slapping my balls together for eternity then to "live it up" if it includes listening to this song even one time. Their's probably a rapper part of this song to and Ive been saying this for a long time!! You know what you get when you mix country with rap... Crap.


Country singers, even if there fake country singers like Bray and Randy or whatever there names are, shouldn't sing with pop music people. Any country artist who's ever preformed with a pop artist in world history is not REAL DAMN COUNTRY. I don't care who it is. I'll stick with meral haggard.


In summary, this song sucks and so do you if you like it and so does Trailer for telling me to review it. This is what's wrong with America!  Hey, country singers, sing about cheating women, drinking whiskey, and driving 18 wheelers, and not about dancing around in you're tight jeans and polishing the chrome. If you know what I mean.

Dec 8, 2016

Americana Fan Unhappy with Americana's Popularity

Carl Outlaw
Self-described "real country fan" and hardcore Americana lover, Carl Outlaw, is feeling disillusioned by the recent rise of roots music. Citing Jason Isbell's growing fan base, Chris Stapleton's massive year, and Sturgill Simpson's Grammy nominations, Outlaw says he's now seeking lesser known acts to satisfy his desire to dislike anything embraced by popular culture.

"I don't wanna call them sellouts, but I mean, you can't even get tickets to their shows these days." said Outlaw, "I don't know that you can put any faith in the authenticity of a singer or band that people outside my alt-country subreddit might enjoy."

Long an underground scene with a few passionate fans and little recognition outside message boards and tiny Americana radio stations, roots music has seen a large growth in visibility in recent years. Groups like Mumford and Sons and The Lumineers brought rustic sounds to the pop airwaves. Chris Stapleton has gone double platinum, ruling the country awards since 2015. Isbell and Simpson are selling out medium-sized venues nearly every night.

"If there's any chance of Luke Bryant or Sam Rice [sic] fans possibly liking the same music I do, I don't want any part of that." continued Mr. Outlaw, "I guess (Isbell, Simpson, etc.) like money more than they like having fans like me."

Hank Williams, III
Outlaw told us he's a dedicated fan, but feels that many artists have turned their backs on the little people who made them what they are. "When they get so big that they have their record labels take their albums off the uh… music 'discovery' sites, they really need to take a look in the mirror… as long as that mirror is not on a tour bus."

"I'll stick with bands who know their place, like Jimmy Parks and the Spittoon Bangers or the Valley Mountain Creek Ramblers or the Silo Dust Sniffers," smiled Outlaw, "and Hank 3… he doesn't even put out music anymore, how underground is that?!?"




Nov 4, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews the 2016 CMA Awards

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, 
Reviews the 50th CMA Awards

I didn't watch the CMA Awards, but here is my review anyway. Was Hank 3 on there? Was Jamey Johnson on there? Was Gutbucket Slim and the Dewclaws on there? Hell naw. Than, why should I watch it? They don't respect real country music so they should change there name to Crappy Music Association. I'm so sick of the media flooding different genera's with pop music.



I heard they had a few real country singers on their. Like Charlie Pride and Charlie Daniels and Roy Clark, but if I had to sit threw one second of some fruity guy wearing Levi's Tights©, than it wasn't worth the effort. And Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley were the hosts? Pop country bull shit! Brad Paisley can play guitar ok, but he's about as country as Elton John's ballsack. Carrie Underwood is a banshee and an American Idle contestant, so clearly she isn't REAL COUNTRY BY GOD.




And then I read on The Blaze that they had Beeyansay on there. WHAT THE UNHOLY HELLFIRE F**K? Who's house should I egg over this? Isn't she married to that guy who killed Tupac? What message are we sending to our good American children? That it's okay to let people like her on the COUNTRY DAMN MUSIC awards? Its all money driven and their isn't any morals left in this country! Beyonsay is anti-cops & Chicks are Anti-american....Natilie's bashing of Pres.Bush has not been forgotten.


I think Luke Bryan had a song on the show too, but I don't know who that is. Maybe those George Florida Boyz did a song too? They probably had a segment at the end wear they burned photos of Merle Haggard and George Jones on an altar in the shape of Taylor Swift. I'm just tired of all this shit. If you disagree with me you can kiss my REAL COUNTRY ASS.

Sep 15, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Chris Lane's "For Her"

Chris Lane - For Her

Who is Chris Lane? Why does he look like the cool youth minister who stands a little to close too the girls? This guy sucks I can tell just from looking at him. Like Aaron Lewis says "that ain't country!"

I actually listened too a few seconds of this song and I hated it. His hair makes me want to cut all mine off so I have one less thing in common with this tool. It look like he got dressed at the mall walking from Holister to American Eagle to some other goofy ass pretty boy store. Stupid idiot. If all your doing in country music is trying to make girls like you you aren't country.  IN HIS WILDEST DREAMS WILL HE EVER QUALIFY COUNTRY STATUS.



I read the lyrics and their dumb to. What do you expect? Its more crap about riding around with a girl. It's a bunch of wussy mess that any red blooded American mail should be embarrassed to be caught dead listening too! If you have to listen to this in your ride to impress a girl, I''d rather buy a blow up doll. 




"She's got a laugh like confetti" is one of the lyrics. What the shit does that mean? Does she spray spit every where when she laughs? If so, she might not have any teeth. Is she really worth making a wimp of yourself for? Can you really sing, Chris? Or why do you have to kinda rap and do auto tune? Country music comes from the heart. Rap comes directly from the anus.



This song is terrible and if you listen too it let me know so I can unfollow you on Twitter if I had a Twitter account. If you like it you suck! Would you believe me if I told ya I have no clue who Luke Bryan is?

Jul 26, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Luke Bryan's "Move"

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan,
Reviews Luke Bryan's "Move"

I think Trailer is punishing me for not writing many reviews this year. This is probly the worst song that has ever been recorded. Not that I've listened too it. I don't get paid enough to listen too a Luke Bryan song. In fact, God could smite me on the road to Tuscaloosa and say "you must listen to Luke Bryan to get too Heaven" and I'd be on the first Greyhound to visit uncle Satan.


Merle, George, and Waylon should rise up and kick Lukes ass then go piss on those varies named Florida-Georgia Line. I would kick his ass but he's got a personal trainer so he probly can bench a little more than I can and I been down in my back a little. Still, he deserves a steeltoe in his anus for all what he's done to country music.

I guess I'll take a look at the lyrics and let you know what I think of them. HOLY SHIT! Trailer says I can't make homo-phobic jokes on Farce the Music or I'd put one right here:_____________________________. Just believe me - these lyrics are fruity as Toucan Sam. That's what thought to shoup the hell up. Probably lives in some high rise downtown condo lmao.



"Move like you do, All sexy and smooth" what the hell, man? Anybody knows that a real country man ain't gone talk to his woman like that. And he keeps spelling out words. His fans are to stupid too know how to spell? LOL. I'm not surprised. If your dumb enough to listen too pop country, theirs no telling how low you're IQ is.



In summeration, this is not a country song and it sucks ass. If you like it your stupid and our probly voting for Hillery Clinton lmoa. Get some real country in you're life like C0E and BO-CEPHUS AND TAMMY TUCKER!!! Luke Bryant is garbage. I'd rather fart in a gas fire then listen to his "music."

Jun 9, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Music Fan, Reviews Thomas Rhett's "Vacation"

Don't listen to the song here; I'm warning you.

What the three-toed f**k is this junk? I actually tried to listen for a few seconds because there was a girl in a bikini in the preview shot of the video. Bate and switch for sure. It sounded like some crap a 9 year old plays on the keyboard he gets for his birthday and never plays again after the first week. Is this a real song, Trailer? Your kidding me right?

Maybe Thomas is trying to be an outlaw by putting out something nobody can even listen too. That's pretty outlaw in a messed up way. There are a couple outlaw country singers today; Chris Stapelton, Jamie Johnson and Arrow Lewis. Tommy Rhett ain't one. The most outlaw thing he ever done was wait an extra week to get the oil changed in his bro-dozer pickup truck.



I haven't list listen to any new country in 20 plus years, and I don't plan to start after hearing fifteen seconds of this shit. todays socalled country is nothing but pure crap with pure crap singers like puke bryan and the like. Who ever told these guys that they can just put out any kind of song they feel like on a given day and call it country. I wish there would be a zombie uprising of dead country legends to put and end to this junk. Merle would go right for this little purty boy and ............................ (Edited for violent content - Trailer)



Let me get something out of the way: Who in the hell is Luke Bryan ?? Never hear of him. Didn't he used to clean George and Merle's boots once ??

Alright back to this cat-ass-trophy. No. Just no. If your going to ruin the legacy of a great music like country that give us George Jones and Johnny Cash, this is the way too do it. Normally I kinda exaggerate how bad these songs Trailer makes me review are (even though I don't really listen to them), but even I can't do it this time. Its as bad as a splinter in your pecker.



May 5, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Sturgill Simpson's New Album

I've heard some people calling Sturgill Simpson's new album a sellout. I'm one of those people I've heard saying that. Why Sturgill Why?

You had such a good thing going with the REAL DAMN country music, and you went and did this? Their's horns on here! Lots of them. Horns are not country. I mean, at least you don't have any record scratching or 808 beats, lol. But still, I'd rather here Sturgill put out the same album over and over then have to listen to this one more time.

Who the hell is Luke Bryan? I'll stick to the true Country Artists! Just had to get that out of the way for this review. I'd rather listen to myself being shot point blank in the face with a 12 gauge than listen to a Luke Bryan song. Yes, I mean that. I would rather die then spend 3 minutes of my life unhappy.




Back to Sturgill. I feel betrayed. Its nice he wrote some songs for his son or whatever, but ain't it bad parenting if you don't teach you're kids to listen to just COUNTRY DAMN music? I don't remember if I heard any steal guitar on here or not, because I tried to block the whole thing out of my memory then I poured bleach in my ears.



I mean this isn't as bad as Florida-Georgia Line, I don't think so anyway.. because I've never heard them but there terrible. This is just not good. Theirs a difference. FGL can't turn around and record a song that sounds like Waylon tomorrow, Sturgill can. And he should. I'm pretty pissed off about it. Life is about finding a spot that fits you and staying right the hell there. Why rock the boat?



I'm worried, Sturgill. Since you decided to do a album of Usher songs like this, maybe your gonna change it up again next time and sing about trucks. Don't do it. Don't make me angry, you won't like it of I am angry!

Mar 3, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Sam Hunt's "Make You Miss Me"

Sam Hunt - Make You Miss Me


Sam Hunt, Mike's brother, has a new song out and it sucks like all of them. He's not even country music but they play him on the country station, are so I've been told. I don't listen to that shit. If I was getting a mouth hug from a hottie and a mainstream country station was on in the background, I'd say "hold up baby, gotta turn this shit off."

He's singing about making a girl miss him, or at least I assume that's what its about judging by the title. It's not like I'm gonna listen to this poop. I bet he's rapping the verse and singing the chorus. Sam Hunt might not be a douche bag but he's definitely a tampon. 


Anyone who raps or sings like these freaks dosnt belong to country. "Whoa Whoa" is one of the lyrics. You don't wanna make it to hard for these morons to understand, right? Their all idiots! Later is says something about a slip knot. I hope thats too hang himself with for destroying country music! You should be a shamed Sam Hunt. My grandaddy didn't fight in the battle of Birmingham for you to be able to do this. (He beat up some John Denver fans in Birmingham one time)


Sam Hutt, Luke Bryant, the Florida Georgia Band.  I can honestly, and proudly, say I have no idea who those guys are. But I know there all terrible and if Waylon was alive he'd make sure his boot didn't miss Sam's ass.


My idea for a New song for the current line up of so called "CW" singers. "Who's Gonna Fill Their Panties" ?


Stop it Sam Hunt. Get out of my face.

Jan 20, 2016

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Michael Ray's "Real Men Love Jesus"

Listen hear but you don't want to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XULnc3b8Dfg

Hell, I love Jesus. I'll whoop a man's ass who says I don't love Jesus. But too me, the only people qualified to sing about Jesus look like him. Even the women. This pretty boy looks like he's should be dancing with the Chip and Dales or something, LMAO. I bet he's had a couple of… never mind, Trailer says I can't make jokes about sexual orientation. PC punk ass. Go protest at Mizuri or something. I oughtta kick you in your safe space.

As you might imagine, i ain't going to listen to this song because its in the top 40 and anything that get's played on the radio isn't good. But I'll pick over the lyrics and critique his appearance so you know what's what. Do you think this guy has heard a Florida-Georgia Line song? I only ask that because its a great opportunity to remind you that I have never heard a Florida-Georgia Line song. You couldn't hate pop country more than me! What a sissy.



He says real men love fishing. I bet he's more into fis… never mind again. So what if men like to fish? I'm a real man and I like watching Netflix, shooting shit, and playing Halo, but you don't see me singing about it. And how does liking football make you a real man? This is all just stupid.



THE CRAP THEY CALL COUNTRY IS POP CRAP,,FOR THE LITTLE GIRLS,,,THERE ARE ONLY A HANDFULL OF REAL COUNTRY PEOPLE OUT THERE THESE DAYS


Who is sam hunt? No really I have no idea who he is. Or this guy. Michael Ray? He has 2 first names and 0 talent. Who thought this was a good idea for a song? Bitches love Jesus too. Does that make them a real man?

I'm into chicks, but this dude is handsome. To handsome for country music. Your supposed to be as ugly as a rake to sing REAL DAMN COUNTRY MUSIC. I'm done with this crap.

Dec 2, 2015

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Chris Stapleton - Nobody to Blame

Chris Stapleton - Nobody to Blame

For the first time ever, I actually listened too a song Trailer wants me to review. I mean, with everybody getting their underdrawers wet over this Stapleton fella, I figured I needed to hear what's got 'em so hot and bothered.

"Nobody to Blame" sounds okay, I guess. Their's some stuff in they're that reminds me of Waylon a little bit. Dude can sing like a motherf****r, can't anybody deny that. It's still to damn poppy for me. Theirs a bass line in there that makes me think of the booty club I drive by going to the bar on Friday night's. Whats up with that? If I wanna listen too 2 Live Crue, I'll put on some Hoochie Mama and get lit tho. By the way, I've never heard a Florida-Georgia Line song, I only listen to real damn music.


But this is suppose too be country music. Baselines are stupid in real country music. Its just supposed to be a guitar and a fiddle and maybe a jug. Anyway, I thought this song was not terrible like George Straight or Puke Bryant when I listened to it. That's where things got interesting though.

Chris Stapleton's wikipedia page says he's a songwriter. Okay, thats fine. Some morons can't write there own songs; I get it - their lame, but I get it. But it also says he wrote songs for Thomas Rett, Gary Alan, Derrius Rucker and Kenny Chesney and Luke Bryant too. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Now I'm pissed and I call Trailer and cuss him out! He tricked my ass.


Anybody who writes songs for those jokers is a fake and a fraud. Their killing country music and we need to save it some how. Chris is about as country as a ISIS sex orgy, or a Maroon 5 dildo, or Kim Kardasheein's ass. Chris Stapleton should call me and apologize. Somebody who does one thing in public but hides there secret life is a lying bastard. I'm pretty sure that's in the Bible.


Go pull your tricks on gullible bloggers and fake country fans, Mr. Stapleton. You're beard and long hair ain't fooling me. Your a sheep in wolf's clothing and your destroying country music one shitty song at a time. I don't care how much "talent" you have and how many "smart critics" think you're the shit, I think your shit. What a freaking idiot to real country music this guy is!

I'll be over here listening to badass music like Jamey Johnson. At least he'd never sell out!

Oct 22, 2015

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Maddie & Tae "Shut Up & Fish"

Trailer likes these girls for some reason and so do a bunch of other wusses who want to give any singer with real instruments a pass and say their alot closer to real country then other stuff on POPCUNTRY radio. Who cares? Do you want a cookie for not rapping in you're damn song?

I never liked Maddy & Tay, never will. They suck. I don't care if they sang a song making fun of "bros," it was all for the money. They do not deserve any thought. At the end of the day there still shitty pop country. The only chicks singing real country now is NOBODY. Take your Kacey Musgrove and your Ashly Monrow and shove em up your ass with Taylor Swift as far as I'm concerned. They ain't never drove a big rig or worked a tug or plowed a row, so don't talk to me about them bein' country. Loretta Lin was the last real woman country singer cause she raised a mess of kids in a shack and whooped her husband's ass all the time.



Now, lets get into this song. LOL right. As if I'm listening to this. It's called "Shut Up and Fish" so you know its some corny bullshit from the title alone. Brad Paislay called, girls, he wants his career of making dumbass joke songs in to big hits back. Ya'll so-called bloggers and critics just get bent all out of shape over some girls singing with a tiny little drawl and being cute and whatnot. It's a smoke screen and a smoke show. Their hot, nobodies denying that. But that and $1.29 will buy you a Steel Reserve to wash the thought of this crappy song out of you're mind!



It just goes to show you my great taste in country music. I have never heard of Luke Bryan before this month. I don't know what that has to do with this song; theres just a nagging in the back of my brain to say that every day if I have the chance. 


Anyway, somebody call me when Maddey and Taye grab a washboard and a jug and get real. And I don't mean start a jug band, I mean wash my clothes and bring me a drink, LOL. Keep it country!

Sep 9, 2015

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Alan Jackson's "Jim and Jack and Hank"

Alan Jackson, are you kidding me? This tall jackass, along with Bored Strait, and Girth Brooks are what destroyed country music! Trailer, if you don't get me some Hank 3 to review soon, I'm gone kick you're ass! Remember when Alan Jackson did that song about 9/11. Stupid. He didn't even have the stones to say that Building 7 was clearly a controlled demolition! I can never respect him for that!

"Jim and Jack and Hank" is the name of this song and those are all things I love, so maybe I'll at least listen to a verse this time. Wait, what the ffff? Is this "Achy Breaky Heart" lmao? Why would you wanna have a song that sounds like the dude who created Miley? This is terrible. "I became a little sad and called up my old dad" this shit is terrible. That's why I only listen to REAL country.


Florida-Georgia Line might suck but at least they don't pretend to be some kind of traditional country singer like this puke. I would spray a full can of mace in Alan's face. His music ain't that much different then Luke Bryan. It's all soft lady stuff for 40 year old suburban dads to pretend they are really country fans.

Your looking at real country.
Country + Rap = Crap. That doesn't really have anything to do with this song, but at least once a day, I feel the need to type that somewhere, usually on a Facebook post about how much Sam Hunt sucks.



 If anybody out their tries to tell you Alan Jackson is good country music and that his new song is better than what's on the radio at least, just tell them "stepping on a dry turd is better than stepping on a wet one, but that don't make it good." This is crap. Him and George Strait and Garth need to apologize to the ghost of Hank Williams. And than, he'd bitch slap them anyway!

Jul 16, 2015

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Jerrod Niemann's "Blue Bandana"

Oh you must be joking, Trailer. I don't even know who this is. He looks like a pervert. Oohhh, wait. I do know who this is. This is that dude that sang the song about "riding my donkey donkey to the honky tonky." LMAOOO. This guy could give away all his money, sell his $50,000 truck, get a divorce and a drinking habit, move to a cabin in Louisiana, sing only Hank Sr. covers, and live off the land, and he still would be about as country as a butt implant.



 I read a review of another "song" he did last year and it says it was an EDM dance party song or some shit. Nashville is pretty much just a step or two above ISIS to me by now. Their destroying the foundation built by real Outlaws and REAL country singers. Jared Kneeman is a straight up joke. I won't even listen to this, Trailer. Theyre's not enough money in the world. The ruining of our nation. First they take the music, then they take the flag.


Reading the lyrics, this song seems to be about some skank who likes to go to music festivals. That's it. Thair is literally nothing else to the song. I'm guessing its a rap breakdown before the last chorus. Damn damn damn, George Jones would burn a CD of this song, then run over it with his mower. How can you people even take this crap seriously? I'd rather run barefoot with scissors at the running of the bulls then even here 10 seconds of this. I bet it sounds like Bon Jovi and Lady Gaga farting through an autotuner.




This so called country is more like CRAP. If you give this toolsatchel ninety-nine cents for this travesty against Hank Williams' soul, you'd be better off eating 99 pennies. The poop you'd have later would feel better then listening to this! One of the last lines says "I got a beat up van;" well, I wish he'd just get beat up.

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