Country Covid Tweets

3 Up 3 Down: Chase Rice, Ingrid Andress, Midland, etc.

3 Up

Carly Pearce & Lee Brice “Hope You’re Happy Now”

No snap beats, no slang, real instruments. Lee and Carly’s hit is a pop-country duet full of heartache and harmonies. Their voices sound great together. It’s one of those sad songs that makes you feel good. Well done. 

B+

Midland “Cheatin’ Songs”

We’re over their back story now - you either like their music or don’t. I do. This is a slice of 70s Bellamy Bros-esque goodness with steel guitar and modern slickness. The low key harmonies create just the right mood and there’s even a little self-awareness mixed into the lyrics. Midland is consistently one of the best mainstream artists out there and “Cheatin’ Songs” is another gem.

A

Ingrid Andress “More Hearts Than Mine”

Ain’t a whole lot country about this, but it’s a well-written and gets a lot more personal than most radio fare, bringing a fairly unique angle to relationship tunes. Andress’ delivery occasional veers toward that indie-pop style I hate so much, but never quite goes there and her conversational tone works well for the subject matter. Glad to see this song hit the top 10.

B+

3 Down

Jordan Davis “Slow Dance in a Parking Lot”

Standard issue dude pop-country, typical mid-tempo blah-ness, electronically affected vocals. This is pure boyfriend country. At least bro-country was loud and proud with its crappiness. This is dull and forgettable just like Jordan Davis would be without the beard.

D

Locash “One Big Country Song”

At least it doesn’t have snap beats? That’s a positive I suppose. Locash doesn’t sound particularly inspired …ever… but particularly on this anthem about the shared experiences and values of country fans. “Everybody knows the words to ‘Mama Tried’” is an actual lyric of this song and I guarantee you that 80%+ of Locash fans do not in fact know those words. Honestly, there are several songs much worse than this in the top 40 right now - I was just trying to avoid the usual suspects - but this is nothing you haven’t heard before.

C-

Chase Rice “Lonely if You Are”

Snap beats, typical bouncy R&B lite delivery. This is pretty much a Sam Hunt rip-off without Sam’s lyrical ability and likability (and I don’t care for any Sam Hunt songs, so that’s pretty rough). It’s a booty call song that somehow comes off both sleazy and sleepy. There are a few early Chase Rice songs that show some promise, before he was asking fine ass girls to slide on over or whatever, so one would hope he’d eventually dig a little deeper in his subject matter, but nah. Once a bro, always a bro.

F

Really Dumb Country Reviews: January '20

Real reviews from a popular music service.

----------

Kane Brown - Experiment

Tanya Tucker - While I'm Livin'

Chase Rice - The Album Pt. 1

Tenille Arts - Love, Heartbreak...

Tyler Childers - Country Squire

Walker Hayes - 8 Tracks III

The Highwomen - s/t

Dustin Lynch - Tullahoma

Oh Good, Chase Rice is Back

More Monday Memes: Chase Rice, Alan Jackson, Kane Brown

Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?

Top 10 “Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?”

Inspired by this tweet.

10. You make me want to roll my windows down

9. A little fruity but she asked if I liked it

8. Aw naw, aw naw

7. Sounds like it sucks

6. Park this Silverado on your front lawn

5. I can smooth it out, I can slick it up

4. Jump on in, tell yo’ friends

3. Yeah boy, I’m about to show me a city slicker

2. I kick it with a mule

1. Shimmy up inside

Receipts

The Highwaybros

Not to be outdone by the Highwomen's reimagining of The Highwaymen's "The Highwayman," a new group has formed... the Highwaybros.

Highwaybro

(parody of "The Highwayman")

I am a highwaybro

Up and down backroads I do ride

With beer and baby by my side

Many a young maid set bare feet upon my dash

Many a city boy had me whoop his punk ass

The popo got me in the spring for DUI

But f*** em I still drive

I am a player

I just gave your girl a ride

And with her all night I’ll abide

I drive a Raptor round the square to impress hos

She liked my lift kit and the way my high beams glow

Never used no protection and I never will

I hope she’s on the pill

I was a left fielder

Who smoked too much dope every night

My scholarship’s been cast aside

A place called Belmont, but my folks let me stay though

I’m learning songwriting, lit, and basic bio

Curb saw my headshot and they want me to come down

I guess I’m big star bound

I'll always be around and around and around and around and around

I fly a middle finger

Across the Davidson countyside

Got a lot of artificial pride

I walk with swagger, stick my chest out like a man

Perhaps I may roll coal on a soy boy again

Or I may simply send a dick-pic to Elaine

But I will remain

My kind comes back again, and again and again and again and again

Monday Morning Memes: A Star is Born, FGL, Flatland Cavalry

The Numbers Don't Add Up

One-of-a-Kind New Country Singer Carves His Own Niche

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California Wednesday, January 14, 2015 

Already named to The Boot's prestigious "Ones to Watch 2015" list, Brant Smith is poised for a breakthrough year and he wants you to know he's doing it his way. Our correspondent sat down with Bryant to find out what makes him stand out among this year's crop of stubble-chinned warblers. 

"Most debut artists don't get as much control over their music as Prestige Nashville has given me, but they saw something edgy and different in me and just handed over the reins," said Scott, molding a stray tuft of gelled hair back into the towering blond coiffure atop his head. Chris went on to explain how his first album will be a true portrait of his life and his completely distinctive upbringing. 

"Man, I grew up on a dirt road where there wasn't much to do, so me and my friends just kicked it the best way we knew how," explained Dylan. "I know this sounds crazy, but sometimes we'd just grab a few cold ones and some pretty girls and find a field to chill in. That's the kind of out-there stuff I want to bring to my music!" 

Chad's wildly idiosyncratic influences range anywhere from "good ol' country like Kenny and Trace" to Godsmack to Calvin Harris to Waka Flocka Flame. "Nobody out there's going to admit listening to all the crazy stuff I do, much less incorporate it into their country music," laughed Mark, pushing up the sleeves of his form-fitting grey henley. 

Steven, quite surprisingly a former high school quarterback, went on to say that he'd taken the unheard of step of co-writing the entire album with some of Nashville's lesser-known songwriters like Ashley Gorley, Josh Kear, and Kyle Jacobs. Jon expects to release an EP in early spring as he heads out in support of fellow maverick Chase Rice, with a full album to follow in the fall. 

Based on his nonconformist attitude and unusual backstory, we expect Lee to forge his own path outside the box on Music Row and become a force to reckon with on country radio. Listen to The Bobby Bones Show this Friday as Randy debuts his new single "Girl Let's Have a Good Time Tonight." 

Bro-Country Accused of Sexual Harassment

In a stunning and wide-reaching announcement yesterday, hundreds of thousands of young women accused bro-country of sexual harassment. The waning but still popular sub-genre of mainstream country music faces serious charges of using misogynistic language and requesting sexual favors from its female listeners from 2011 through this year. 

"It was a couple of years ago, but it feels like yesterday," said a shaken Lizzie Harrison. "He told me to get my little fine ass on the step, and that's just not okay." She related to us how she went along with it at the time - pretending to like the song and its implications - but has come to realize bro-country's inappropriateness.

Another accuser, Madison White, said that bro-country announced its intentions to "set her up on the kitchen sink" and "stick the pink umbrella" in her drink. "I know what he was talking about now - I was innocent at the time and I just sang along, but now I see how damaging that sort of language is" she told us.

Other allegations against bro-country include ordering "country girls" to shake their backsides, making constant reference to women's derrieres and legs, and plying young girls with alcohol. The legal implications of this tidal wave of serious assertions is unknown at this time, but we at Farce the Music fully support a swift and punitive outcome.

At press time, one unverified claim had come in from a Sherrie Summers of West Memphis, AR. "Bro-country grabbed my ass" she told us. We'll update this important story as more information comes in.





*I hate small type and shouldn't even have to say this but: This piece is in no way to minimize or make light of sexual harassment. In fact, I feel like some of the language used in bro-country actually does contribute to the degradation of decency and interpersonal relationships in this regard.*

Friday (The Movie) Country Reaction Gifs

When an attractive female walks by 

...wearing a vintage Waylon t-shirt

"You know, Thomas Rhett's album is actually

pretty good if you don't expect it to be country" 

When you see that Kane Brown has a top ten hit...

meaning that he'll be sticking around for a while.

If there was a fight between any woman on earth 

and Jason Aldean

"I got an extra ticket to Chase Rice; wanna go?"

When the post office loses your order 

of all Sturgill's albums on vinyl

When somebody says you hit like a girl 

and you say "Yeah, Loretta Lynn"

When you're at a folk festival in Colorado 

and somebody asks if you're enjoying yourself