Showing posts with label Cole Swindell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cole Swindell. Show all posts

Dec 22, 2017

The 10 Worst Country Songs of 2017

We've spent all of 2017 making fun of these and other songs, so there's little else 
to do but rank the worst. No need for further criticisms or a thesaurus full of 
disgusting descriptive terms. Nothing fancy. Okay, a little fancy...


Dec 14, 2017

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition


Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition
Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition
Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition

If Cole Swindell ran outside naked in a snowstorm, he'd be invisible

Luke Bryan never hangs his stockings by the fireplace because 
he’d feel silly wearing his garter belt without them

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Brantley Gilbert realized he couldn’t count that high

Neal McCoy's "Take a Knee, My Ass (I Won't Take a Knee)" was originally about 
Game of Thrones' Jon Snow and was titled "Bend the Knee, My Arse (I Shan't Bend the Knee)"

If Sturgill Simpson doesn’t do a Farce The Music 
interview we will start a rumor he punched Santa

There is a 100% chance Kenny Chesney will be a fan 
of this year's college football playoff champion

The previous fact will be recycled annually for eternity 

Justin Moore has lost 75% of his fame since Trailer stopped photoshopping him 
on shelves around Christmas  (Editor's note: or Scotty McCreery, whichever)

Sturgill Simpson recently punched Santa at a mall. More details to come. 

All pictures of Shooter Jennings on a shelf are not Photoshopped 

Gary Levox’s New Year’s resolution is to be less awkward in photos

The 2017 Time Magazine Person of the Year is every woman 
that has ever recorded ‘Baby it’s Cold Outside’

David Lee Murphy has a song on the country chart. No really, I’m serious about that one.

Asking for more women on country radio and getting Bebe Rexha is like 
asking for a Washington outsider to be president and getting... never mind 

Every time "Humble and Kind" plays on the radio, Spade Cooley rolls in his grave

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All but 3 of these by Jeremy Harris

Aug 17, 2017

WWE Country Reaction Gifs 24

Thomas Rhett is country

When the roadies are fixing the lights and fall
onto the merch table

Hey man, you dig that new Kelsea Ballerini song?

If your children keep listening to Sam Hunt...

When your friend invites you over
for burgers on the grill and FGL on the stereo

When you hear somebody listening to Cole Swindell
then you notice it's one of your friends

Oh, you don't like Tyler Childers?

 Outlaw Luke Bryan? Where do I sign?

Aug 16, 2017

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: August '17

A poop emoji equals a negative rating. A strike-thru poop emoji is a positive rating.


The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-23) overall which is 6 point improvement from June (the last time we did this chart). The best song is again Midland's "Drinkin' Problem." The worst is a tie: Cole Swindell's putrid "Flatliner" and Chris Lane's terrible "For Her" There are 2 solo females in the top 20, and neither is Kelsea Ballerini, so there's that as a marginal positive.

Things are still bad.


Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Jun 26, 2017

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #81

Back in the olden days when Mr. Johnny Rich here was a studly young country singer and songwriter, the biggest piece of advice I ever got was the hardest one. "You have to write songs better than those you hear on the radio." said the old codgers and biddies. When you're young and dumb and full of shit, you've gotta compete with the big timers, the ballers, the OGs, if you will. Artists and labels are more willing to work with who they know. Those writers who've made it tend to get settled in and lazy and start pumping out hits like a hot dog company pumping lips and ears and ballsacks into their juicy wieners.

That used to be quite a chore. Hell, as a twenty-something, I was competing with the likes of Jim Lauderdale, Charlie Craig, and Don Sampson. It was a trial by fire, my friends. You had to come into the writers' room full of piss and vinegar and pacing like a damn silverback, or you'd get torn to shreds by these bad asses.

Nowadays, I turn on my radio and scratch my head when pondering that old piece of advice. This is a sampling of some of the lyrics I've heard lately: "Ooh she got me like yeah baby girl, you gone and done it again." Alrighty then. And "Dang girl look at you, stopping me in my boots, what's a country boy to do but say uh uh." Look, I'm part of the establishment. I'm "The Man," so I hate to talk bad about another cog in the machine, but let's get real. An ADD riddled 9 year old with a D average could come up with more coherent lyrics than that. I could let my cat walk across a computer keyboard and she'd write better poetry.

So basically what I'm saying is… that old advice is pointless as a bowling ball. If you write songs that are better than the ones on the radio, you're probably not getting anything cut. If you write songs worse than those on the radio, you're not getting enough brain function to put on velcro sneakers. I don't know what to tell you. Be famous. Have a dad in the business. Know people. Or get me a couple of extra ketchup packets for my curly fries.

JR out.




*not actually written by John Rich

Jun 22, 2017

Spongebob: Country Reaction Gifs

Hey guys, I've got tickets to Dylan Scott and can't make it.
Anybody want 'em?

Cole Swindell back in Jr. High music class

When you find out you'll be out of town
the night Dwight Yoakam is playing

Every dad who had to take their daughter
to the Luke Bryan concert

Hello Mr. Country Radio Programmer,
do you actually like country music?

Dude said you'll go to hell if you don't like
FGL/Backstreet Boys' "God, Your Mama, and Me"

Waiting for a country song on country radio...

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