Monday Morning Memes: ACMs, Wrestlemania, Kane Brown

The Crud Report: February 2019

Monday Morning Memes: Cole, Kane, Mitchell

Cole Swindell's on the Night Train

I'm Sorry, This Exists: Questionable Country Merch & Memorabilia

Mitchell Tenpenny "Bitches" shirt. Please wear this to the upcoming WWE Evolution all-women pay-per-view and get your ass beat.

Sam Hunt as an admiral artwork. For the person in your life who has everything …including bad taste.

George "Straight" t-shirt. Why does this keep happening?

Another one. Please stop. 

And a sign. SMH.

This FGL t-shirt. Buy now and it comes with a free pack of condoms so you won't procreate!

This ugly ass Cole Swindell dolman. Dolman? What the hell's a dolman?

Kane Brown prayer candle. Yeah, you better pray extra hard if you buy this.

"Sexy" Garth Brooks "G" panties. What lady wouldn't feel extra sexy wearing underpants feturing the logo of a rotund middle-aged rope-swinging country wildman on them? 

And finally, Rascal Flatts on Hostess products including donuts and Twinkies seems a little too on-the-nose to actually exist, but here ya go:

Gorl Memes: Cole Swindell, Johnny, Dylan, Patty Loveless, Reckless Kell

3 Up 3 Down: March 2018

3 Up

Luke Bryan - Most People Are Good

What's this? Luke Bryan spoken of in a positive manner? Have you finally lost it, Trailer? Nope - a good song's a good song. This tune is simple, quaint even. It has timely and timeless lyrics. Luke does a fine job with it. On top of that, it's a country song. I know he's still got to pump out the mindless bangers to keep the arenas full, but let's at least hope he's beginning a transition to more mature fare like this winner.

A-

Cole Swindell - Break Up in the End

What's this? Cole Swindell spoken of in a positive manner? etc. 

This one is actually more of a surprise to me, since (and I'm not blustering here) this is the very first Swindell song I have liked even a little. Cole's still no crooner, but his plain-spoken voice lends this heartbreaker some gravity. Some will read the lyrics and say this is a wimpy song, but ultra vulnerable ballads like this are scattered through the careers of greats like George Strait, Vern Gosdin, and Willie Nelson. Not saying Cole should ever be mentioned in the same breath as those folks, but "Break Up in the End" is a step in the right direction.

B+

Ashley McBryde - A Little Dive Bar in Dahlonega

A song like this makes you think there's still a chance to turn country radio around. It takes a look back at the missteps that end up making us stronger. Fresh, hopeful, and upbeat with a hint of sadness. And it's country. Ashley's voice is strong and memorable, and with material like this, I can't wait to hear her upcoming debut album. (Side note: my honeymoon was in Dahlonega - beautiful town and surrounding area.)

A

3 Down

Jordan Davis - Singles You Up

More of this trend of melting pot folk/R&B/pop schlock - think Sam Hunt, but not so much talking. Who says "singles you up" anyway? Lame, boring, trend-chasing, and it's a hit, of course. Nice beard, broseph.

D

David Lee Murphy & Kenny Chesney - Everything's Gonna Be Alright

What a disappointment. David Lee Murphy had a nice, albeit brief, run of good tunes in the 90s and he's a solid songwriter. Kenny, while still Kenny, can surprise you every now and then with a great tune. This one's not. It may as well be sung by Devin Davis Jordan Walker Hunt.

D+

Bebe Rexha ft. Florida-Georgia Line - Meant to Be

Yeah well. What'd you expect? This is shit. Some claim it to be a good pop song, but it's grating as hell to me. And who cares anyway? If I come home to a pig in the back yard with my dogs, I wouldn't think "What an impressive pig - I bet it could win some state fairs." No, I think "Why the hell is there a swine in my yard?" It doesn't belong.

F

New Parody Album Covers: Musgraves, Murphy, Swindell, Monroe

Late Tuesday Morning Memes: Sam Hunt, Walker Hayes, Cole Swindell

This is Always the Proper Response

NFL Country Reaction Gifs

(some are from halftime shows)

That time Cole Swindell was a dancer

at the Super Bowl halftime show

When Jason Isbell decided professional football wasn't for him

When the creator of country music is really feeling confident

Tom: How'd you like that Walker Hayes 

album I recommended?

Teammate: 

One look at the country music chart and you're like...

Hey Gronk, you hear about that Sam Hunt/Luke Bryan tour?

When you read even the slightest rumor that

Chris Knight might release an album this year

Making sure everybody knows you were offended

by that country music article you read online

Cole Swindell Falls Asleep During Cole Swindell Concert

Country superstar Cole Swindell recently fell asleep during a Cole Swindell concert. The "Chillin' It" singer, currently on his Down Home acoustic tour in support of his annual Down Home Sessions EP, dozed off during an extended guitar solo on his hit "Ain't Worth The Whiskey."

Bassist Adam Cunningham noticed Swindell dropping his head a few times during the middle of the concert, but only noticed that the vocalist had actually dozed off when he started swaying on his stool in an atypically rhythmic manner. "I jogged over to him and nudged him and he just about fell," related Cunningham, stifling his own yawn.

"That concert was so monotonous." explained Cole. "The songs didn't say anything and most of them sounded the same… and the singer was flat. The musicians did their best with the material but heck, Michael Jordan would've sucked if he'd had to dribble a football."

The consummate professional, Swindell was able to shake off the cobwebs and tediously finish the last three songs, before collapsing into a pile of curtains backstage to finish his siesta.

"It's a good thing Adam was there when I nodded off," laughed Swindell. "Or I'd have been all over YouTube the next day. I mean, honestly, it would have been the most exciting thing to ever happen at one of my shows."

The Down Home Tour, which provides nap pallets and blankets in the back for sleepy fans, rolls into Chicago tonight and continues into the spring, when Swindell will begin his first major headlining tour.

Country TwitterWIN: January '18

Warning: Foul language below.