Summer Country Music Festival Waiver

Another summer, another spate of bad behavior from summer country concert attendees. To combat the possibility of lawsuits, some promoters have begun forcing ticket buyers to sign liability waivers. Here's a really thorough one for the upcoming Florida Country Superfest.*

*totally not real, but probably should be.

How to Know Summer is Here

 How to Know Summer is Here

Kid Rock is being played on every format. (Except rock and rap)

Green Peace begins lecturing all new recruits on not rolling Gary Levox back into

the water if he's encountered on the beach.

Female country singers become more popular to bros. Because cutoffs.

Every package of Gold Bond medicated powder includes a download

of the latest Luke Bryan Spring Break album.

Wynonna's orange glow becomes more of a grapefruit color.

The amount of nighttime that Scott Borchetta has for feeding is reduced significantly.

Trailer starts bitching about his yard needing mowed instead

of Mississippi State having a horrible season.

...country music remix season.

Country Rap King Mikel Knight decreases the days between showers for his street teams to 7.

Some country music bigwig says something stupid. Wait, that's every season...

Colt Ford makes extra money blocking the sun from Jason Aldean's forehead.

Leann Rimes blends in with everyone else.

New tailgate songs.

You go to a big drunk redneck fight and a country music festival breaks out.

 Calm down Trailer. We get it, mowing sucks.

------

Almost all of these by Jeremy Harris

Blame Georgia

 Blame Georgia
(Lyric parody of South Park's "Blame Canada")

Times are strange
Our kids are getting dumb
They won't respect tradition
They just want to bang and bump

Should we blame the school system?
Or blame bad parenting?
Or should we blame the X-Box?

No, blame Georgia!

Blame Georgia!

With all their trashy tailgate songs
And the studded jeans that they've got on

Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!

It's time these idiots got caught
It's Georgia's fault!

Don't blame me if I lose my mind
I hear that damn Brantley and Jason and Luke all the time!

And Dallas Davidson, he's from Georgia as well
By now it's time we told them all just to go to hell

Yeah, blame Georgia!

Blame Georgia!

It seems that country music just sucks
Since Georgia discovered trucks

Blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!

That's not even real country music anyway

My son should've been a scientist or a banker just as well
But all he wants to do is roll coal and go chasing tail

Should we blame ol Waylon?
Should we blame Paycheck?
Nah, blame Tyler Hubbard and Thomas Rhett.

That's it!

Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!

With all their douchey hick-hoppin' crap
They can leap off Wolf Pen Gap

Blame Georgia! Shame on Georgia for...
The bros, we're so bored
And yeah, for Colt Ford
The Fireball and butts must all be undone
We must shame them and send them on the run
Oh, all this shitty music must be shunned

Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!

-----------------------------

Don't take this too seriously, Georgians. 

Yes, we know Georgia is actually responsible for many more positives than negatives in country music. 

Just might wanna get some stuff in check in the present.

I'm Sorry, This Exists: September '14

 

 Jason Aldean Thingie...
Grounds for divorce?

 

 Kenny Rogers Zen Painting Print
(No…. actually, that's awesome)

Luke Bryan Portrait

 

Blake Shelton Light Switch Cover

I think a "dimmer" would be more appropriate.

Colt Ford Dip Can Cover
Wow. I don't even know what to say about this.

Brantley Gilbert Bottoms Up Panties

Pickin' on Nickelback Album

Because what bluegrass fan isn't secretly a fan?


In 1984, Vince Neil was charged with vehicular manslaughter while drunk.
This is among his several labels of liquors and wines:
http://www.tatuado-vodka.com/

Hunter Hayes/Carrie Underwood Flip Book


 

Autographed Luke Bryan Drawing

Kid Rock Redneck Paradise Flip Flops

 Billy Currington "Let Me Down Easy" Panties
Classy!

Little Known Facts: September '14

Lefty Frizzell was ambidextrous.

Creed's Scott Stapp considered making a country album but decided

against it because "the scene is just too douchey right now."

For every number 1 single Rascal Flatts has Gary Levox

celebrates by literally adding a notch to his belt.

Due to his reputation for making subpar music Chris Gaines decided

to make his comeback under the stage name Garth Brooks.

Justin Moore started singing country music after his "little luchador"

career ended with a mis-timed hurricanrana.

Thanks to quick actions from a bystander who applied pressure to the wound,

the man Johnny Cash shot in Reno lived until 2007.

Taylor Swift says she hasn't dated in over a year, so her next album

will be entirely about collecting cats and eating Blue Bell by the quart.

Little Big Town is a bad good band.

Each year, Lee Greenwood goes into hibernation

from November 12 through the last Sunday in May.

Sam Hunt is so country, he once got barbecue sauce on his vintage mesh yellow polo.

Jason Brown changed his name to Colt Ford to avoid being confused with his younger brother Chris Brown.

Despite FTM's constant jokes, Brantley Gilbert has only tried meth once and he didn't like it.

(Then he tried it 64 more times and didn't like it any of those times either.)

On the grounds of Toby Keith's Norman, OK farm/estate, there is a life-sized bronze statue of Toby Keith.

By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

The Best of Reginald Spears

Here are some of our buddy Reginald Spears' most recent and popular tweets.

Some NSFW language obviously...

 

SMDH Brad

River Bank Remix (w/Colt Ford)

The Bro in Black?

Thanks to Mike McDermott for this disturbing piece!

Douchenbach (Parody Lyric)

Douchenbach, Georgia

(Lyric Parody of Waylon & Willie's "Luckenbach, TX")

The only two things in life that make it worth livin'

Is DJs that drop bass and ass shakin' women

I just need my name on a tatt that's tight

I bust my rhymes so you'll go down on me tonight

Maybe it's time we got this Chevy stuck in the mud

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia

With Aldean and Brantley and the dudes

Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'

We'll be crankin' up the Fiddy and Ja Rule

Between Hank Junior's boozin' and

FGL's Cruisin' and Juvy backin' that thang up

Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they cups

So baby let's buy some wallet chains

Square toed boots and shiny jeans and go away

This mowing yards has got to stop

And working at your beauty shop, you cry all day

We've been so busy living home with our moms

They won't let us smoke and throw out our beer bongs

Maybe it's time we got this Chevy stuck in the mud

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia

With Colt Ford, Cole Swindell and the bros

Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'

We'll be crankin' up some Chingy and some J-Kwon tho'

Between Snoop Doggy's tokin' and

Limp Bizkit Rollin' and Toby Keith kickin' some ass

Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they glass

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia

With Luke Bryan, Sam Hunt and the dudes

Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'

We'll be crankin' up the Fiddy and Ja Rule

Between Hank Junior's boozin' and

FGL's Cruisin' and Juvy backin' that thang up

Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they cups

Well, That's Pretty Helpful

Billboard Country Chart - 1 Year From Now

Warning Labels: Luke Bryan, Colt Ford, Chase Rice, etc.

If You're Gonna Play in Georgia... (Alabama Parody)

"If You're Gonna Play In Georgia

(You Gotta Have A DJ In The Band)"

(Parody of Alabama's "If You're Gonna Play in Texas (You Gotta Have a Fiddle in the Band)"

Idea adapted from Facebook post by Steven Pony Hill

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

That lead guitar's alright but son, not for a Leesburg man

So make that EQ bounce for "Country Girl" and let's all jam

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

I remember down in Macon we were playin' country songs

When a frat-boy in the back stood up and yelled, "Get Your Shine On!"

He said, "We hate what you're doin', we need the thump real strong,

Bro, that twang you're twangin' don't belong"

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

That lead guitar's alright but not for a Columbus man

So make that EQ bounce with some Colt Ford and let's all jam

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

So we flattened our cap brims and borrowed some sweet wallet chains

Them Georgians jumped and hollered when Jeff smiled and dropped the bass

You say y'all all wanna twerk it

You say ya wanna grind a ho'

Well, here's your douche-bag song before we go

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

That lead guitar's alright but son, not for a Smyrna man

So make them hotties bounce for "Bottoms Up" and let's all jam

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

That lead guitar's okay, but son, not for a Moultrie man

So make that EQ bounce for "Chillin' It" and let's all jam

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

Then/Now: 1986 vs 2014

Fun With Google Search Autofill (Luke Bryan, Taylor Swift, etc)

Some would say...

No, but he's begging the guys to expand to Florida-Georgia-Carolina Line.

I'd tend to agree.

Um, could you not have used the image search to determine for yourself?

That's a new one.

Maybe, but Doug Supernaw most definitely is.

I'm not saying a word.

These first two searches were traced back to rural Georgia.

Again, not saying a word...

Actually, Kenny Rogers died in 1996 and was replaced by a mannequin.

Yes, but his fans can't.