Showing posts with label Craig Morgan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Craig Morgan. Show all posts

Nov 22, 2010

Still a Little Turkey Left on That Bone (parody lyric)

Just in time for Thanksgiving!

Still a Little Turkey Left on That Bone
(Parody of Craig Morgan's "Still a Little Chicken Left on That Bone")

It's two-oh-four, and the Lions just scored
Sick of Granny's stories, about to fill my plate with another course
I'm two-oh-nine, big-ass waist line,
Just about to make my move when, Uncle Randy said he thinks it's time
Just look at him now, sweat beads on his brow
He said it's about time to throw the Thanksgiving food out

But it ain't over if my pants still fit
Don't pour out that boat of gravy, the last of the dressing needs some on it
Little bit of pie that can't be tossed
Little bit of warm cranberry sauce
There might not be a lot of rolls left, they're almost gone
Still a little turkey left on that bone.

That jello mold, it might be old
But truth be told, there's still some taste in that melting dome
Got a glare from mother, cause she knows that I'll suffer
I’ll twist and yank my pants and complain, I'll be full as John Holmes' rubber.

But it ain't over if my pants still fit
Don't pour out that boat of gravy, the last of the dressing needs some on it
Little bit of green bean casserole
Little bit of ham to feed my hole
There might not be a lot of cake left, it's almost gone
Still a little turkey left on that bone.

Got macaroni and cheese, got pistachio pudding,
Weight I'll have to lose? Ha ha… good one!

But it ain't over till my belt don't fit
Don't pour out that boat of gravy, the last of the dressing needs some on it
Little bit of munching left to do
Little bit of gristle left to chew
There might not be a lot of rolls left, yep they're gone
Still a little turkey left on that bone.

Nov 14, 2010

Top Ten Shortest Books by Country Artists II

10. How to Stay Out of the Public Eye - by Billy Ray Cyrus

09. An Illustrated Guide to My Sleeved Wardrobe - by Kenny Chesney

08. Time Spent on Craig Wiseman's Table - an autobiography by the late McDouble with cheese

07. Avoiding Douchebaggery and General Mayhem - by John Rich

06. Songs I Wouldn't Cut - by Craig Morgan

05. Staying Clean: A Guide to Sexual Health and Responsibility - by Trent Tomlinson

04. Growing Your 401K the Sammy Way - by Sammy Kershaw

03. How to Be a Real Outlaw - by Jason Aldean

02. I Pledge Allegiance to Country: Our Love of Tradition - by Sugarland

01. How to Be a Realer Outlaw... Dammit - by Eric Church

Nov 9, 2010

Skip Black: The Farce the Music Interview

Skip Black is an acquaintance of FTM, a songwriter for Monument/Sony ATV and an enjoyer of fermented beverages out of North Carolina who recently got his first major songwriting cut with Craig Morgan's new single "Still a Little Chicken Left on That Bone." (Available here also)

Today, Farce the Music sits down with Skip for a serious and insightful discussion of songwriting, modern country and his premature baldness.


FTM: So what is "Skip" short for? Skippy? Skipford?

Skip: Skipper..my parents were real big fans of Gilligans Island!

FTM: Soo, just how much chicken IS left on that bone?

Skip: Are you being perverted? I feel uncomfortable answering this question.

FTM: As you should. How did you get your start in songwriting? Was the North Carolina moonshine industry not working out for you?

Skip: Well my daddy ran shine and my mom washed clothes for all the local upper class. We lived in a plywood house on the outer edge of the county line. My daddy found an old piano string in the junkyard one day when he was out looking for food. He brought it home and we nailed it to the front porch post and I noticed you could get some cool sounds out of it...oooh crap that's BB Kings story.

FTM: Right. Describe your process a little for me.

Skip: Usually we start with a Vodka and Redbull drink at 10am...then we drink a beer or 3 at noon..oh you mean the songwriting process...we just throw a bunch of stupid metaphors into a crock pot and end up with a simile.

FTM: No Skip, the process of making 'shine. Anybody can write a country song. Tell me about that sweet, sweet corn mash.

Skip: Oh well you have to have some copper and some overalls.

FTM: What was your costume for Halloween? Columbo? Mr. Clean?

Skip: Actually I bought some tattoo sleeves, a long wig and I went as Axl Rose. Last year I talked about "change" and filled my pockets up with change and had the people eating out of my hands..I just never used the change...though I did spend alot of money..I held on to the "change" that I talked so much about...who was I? I was Pres Obama!

FTM: So Mr. Big-time Songwriter, what are you going to buy with your first million-dollar royalty check?

Skip: Pay off my trailer and add some underpinning to help out in those cold winters!

FTM: Me, I'd buy the world's first quadruple-wide trailer. With HD TV's in every room and Natty Ice on tap!

Skip: Actually my uncle already has a quadruple-wide...he bought 2 double-wides and welded them together with some angle iron.

FTM: You've written a lot of redneck songs in your time. Are you pissed at Gretchen Wilson for making "redneck" a dirty word in Nashville?

Skip: No cause up here we just change it to "backwoods" or "good ol boy" or as AJ coined it "Country Boy"...we just use all the same stuff like tailgates, lift kits, and gun racks and just avoid using the word "redneck"...the listeners never even notice.

FTM: Name some of the esteemed co-writers you've worked at in your time (ahem, ahem....).

Skip: I written with Joe Leathers, Chuck Allen Floyd, Matt Nolen, Trent Jeffcoat, Brian Maher, Ken Johnson, Catt Gravitt, Nicole Witt, Mark D Sanders, Ed Hill, Kris Bergnes, Shane Minor, Lee Brice, and Kyle Jacobs just to name a few...actually they all let me sit in the room while they wrote a song...dude what's with the cough?

FTM: No, but uh, I think you failed to mention one of your co-writers who went on to be a uh, "well known" blogger, ha ha.

Skip: Um, are you referring to yourself?? I think I may have gave you some songwriting lessons before..was it one of those "pay to write with a hit writer" things? Yeah that's what it was! You paid me to write a few songs with you...actually you still owe me for that one that band from Texas recorded! Where's my hundred dollars?

FTM: Uh, nevermind.. but hey, don't forget the people you stepped on during your upward climb when you're on your way back down, boss... Anyhow, next question. Outside the obvious Taylor Dayne and Hillary Duff, who are some of your influences?

Skip: Edbassmaster and Jack Vale really are huge influences..then there's Jack Daniels and George Dickel

FTM: Your buddy Joe Leathers got to write with Guy-freaking-Clark to pen a song for his and Kenny Chesney's albums. How do you hide your jealousy when you're around ol' Joe these days?

Skip: I usually just avoid Joe all together because it's so hard to fit both of our egos into one room..plus he's jealous of my biceps so that offsets my jealousy.

FTM: Have you read some of the venomous reviews of the Craig Morgan single (Still a Little Chicken Left on That Bone) that you cowrote and if so, should multiple bloggers (Jim Malec, Kevin John Coyne, etc) be on the lookout for an angry baldheaded songwriter in their rearview mirrors?

Skip: What reviews? I don't read any of those lame songwriter wannabe sites so I'm not sure what you're talking about...I'm too busy counting my royalties!

FTM: I criticize and make a lot of fun of commercial country music on this blog. Will you toe the corporate line and tell me country radio is a perfect, wonderful product or be honest and say what a massive putrid, rotting, black hole of a sewage lagoon it has become?

Skip: Actually I don't listen to country music. I listen to over -produced, pitch corrected, slick songs that sound contrived and that are written specifically to appeal to a certain demographic that was pin-pointed by a dozen guys in a conference room wearing business suits...oh shit! I guess I do listen to country music!

FTM: Huh, that's interesting. What's your checking account number? You can tell me off the record.

Skip: My wife won't give me that info.

FTM: Well, you were just being so open, I figured I'd give it a shot.

Skip: The only thing I'm about to open is a 12 ounce!

FTM: Good call, Mr. Black. Next question: What sort of music do you listen to for actual enjoyment?

Skip: I listen to Slipknot, Cradle of Filth, and Fear Factory.

FTM: Rock on. I would have put money on Katy Perry. Actually I still would... I'd happily slide a few dollar bills into her... um, nevermind.

So, what level of success do you need to reach before you quit your day job at Dollar Tree?

Skip: Actually I just made manager there so I may stick around for the insurance and 401K.

FTM: Fair enough. Well now, Skipford, it's time for the lightning round!

How many beers does it take for you to do RuPaul karaoke?

Skip: As many as you'll buy me

FTM: Last game you ate.

Skip: Possum

FTM: I meant like Scrabble tiles or something. But, cool. Tupac or Biggie?

Skip: Monopoly

FTM: Who would win in a wrestling match: you or Kye Flemming?

Skip: I already beat her in thumb wrestling so you decide

FTM: Your favorite episode of the Brady Bunch.

Skip: The one where I grabbed the remote and turned it

FTM: Have you ever ghermed (Kellie Pickler's beau and writer of Garth's massive hit "More Than a Memory") Kyle Jacobs?

Skip: All the time

FTM: If you could share a meal with any 4 famous people, dead or alive, would you take them to McDonald's or What-a-Burger?

Skip: What-a-Burger cause their fries rock!

FTM: Man, I really think you should pitch "Strangers" to somebody again, Jason Aldean could do it right... that's a damn good song, if I do say so myself, and my car needs new tires, and...

Skip: That's not really a question... wait, that's the song you owe me $100 for!

FTM: Right. Uh, what singer would you most like to have sing one of your songs?

Skip: William Hung or that Pants on The Ground guy.

FTM: I can respect that.
Well, thanks a lot Skippy, I have really enjoyed our conversation here. Good luck with your new song and I'll raise a few Natty Ices tonight to you having many more cuts in the future.

Skip: Thank you for using my name to help boost your blog! Now how do I get paid?

FTM: Uh, wait till the 15th and I'll see what I can do.

May 31, 2010

Country Doppelgangers 5











This one's weird admittedly, but one of those doppelganger matching programs found this likeness. Justin Moore and Claire Danes. The facial structure is definitely very similar.










Sonny James and the happy little trees guy, Bob Ross.










"Hold That Thought" crooner Chuck Wicks and that guy from Third Eye Blind. My wife disagrees but I've always seen it.










Lee Brice and Jeremy Piven of Entourage.










Craig Morgan and Howdy Doody.

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