Showing posts with label Dallas Davidson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dallas Davidson. Show all posts
May 12, 2015
Dallas Davidson Says Dream Big
Labels:
Dallas Davidson,
Luke Bryan,
memes,
Satire
Apr 8, 2015
Wade & Randy's Standards
Labels:
Dallas Davidson,
Honky Tonk Badonkadonk,
memes,
Randy Rogers,
Satire,
Standards,
Wade Bowen
Feb 11, 2015
Blame Georgia
Blame Georgia
(Lyric parody of South Park's "Blame Canada")
Times are strange
Our kids are getting dumb
They won't respect tradition
They just want to bang and bump
Should we blame the school system?
Or blame bad parenting?
Or should we blame the X-Box?
No, blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
With all their trashy tailgate songs
And the studded jeans that they've got on
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
It's time these idiots got caught
It's Georgia's fault!
Don't blame me if I lose my mind
I hear that damn Brantley and Jason and Luke all the time!
And Dallas Davidson, he's from Georgia as well
By now it's time we told them all just to go to hell
Yeah, blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
It seems that country music just sucks
Since Georgia discovered trucks
Blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
That's not even real country music anyway
My son should've been a scientist or a banker just as well
But all he wants to do is roll coal and go chasing tail
Should we blame ol Waylon?
Should we blame Paycheck?
Nah, blame Tyler Hubbard and Thomas Rhett.
That's it!
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
With all their douchey hick-hoppin' crap
They can leap off Wolf Pen Gap
Blame Georgia! Shame on Georgia for...
The bros, we're so bored
And yeah, for Colt Ford
The Fireball and butts must all be undone
We must shame them and send them on the run
Oh, all this shitty music must be shunned
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
(Lyric parody of South Park's "Blame Canada")
Times are strange
Our kids are getting dumb
They won't respect tradition
They just want to bang and bump
Should we blame the school system?
Or blame bad parenting?
Or should we blame the X-Box?
No, blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
With all their trashy tailgate songs
And the studded jeans that they've got on
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
It's time these idiots got caught
It's Georgia's fault!
Don't blame me if I lose my mind
I hear that damn Brantley and Jason and Luke all the time!
And Dallas Davidson, he's from Georgia as well
By now it's time we told them all just to go to hell
Yeah, blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
It seems that country music just sucks
Since Georgia discovered trucks
Blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
That's not even real country music anyway
My son should've been a scientist or a banker just as well
But all he wants to do is roll coal and go chasing tail
Should we blame ol Waylon?
Should we blame Paycheck?
Nah, blame Tyler Hubbard and Thomas Rhett.
That's it!
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
With all their douchey hick-hoppin' crap
They can leap off Wolf Pen Gap
Blame Georgia! Shame on Georgia for...
The bros, we're so bored
And yeah, for Colt Ford
The Fireball and butts must all be undone
We must shame them and send them on the run
Oh, all this shitty music must be shunned
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
-----------------------------
Don't take this too seriously, Georgians.
Yes, we know Georgia is actually responsible for many more positives than negatives in country music.
Just might wanna get some stuff in check in the present.
Jan 22, 2015
FTM Predicts the Lyrics: Luke Bryan - Kick the Dust Up
Yesterday, Luke Bryan announced his huge 2015 "Kick the Dust Up" tour. That's presumably the name of the forthcoming first single (or just a cut) off his next album, and it's written by our buddies Dallas Davidson, Ashley Gorley and Chris DeStefano (writers of the all-time classic "That's My Kind of Night"). Here is (are?) FTM's predicted lyrics for that sure-fire hit and bane of our existence for months to come.
Kick the Dust Up
©2015 FTM Satire
This ol' town is so boring and stuff
Nobody likes to get turnt up
To Schmurda and Big Sean
Well I ain't stressin' on what they say
So climb up in my pick-up bae
Let's get our cliché on
Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, move them haunches like a paint mixer
Tearin' up the pasture like a twister
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up
All my bros is blowin' up my phone
Pulling up twisted on Patron
Glad they out that damn town
All them bustahs keep throwin' shade
But I just wanna get laid
So drop them cutoffs down
Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, bounce that thang like a jackhammer
Let's get cray cray, nah I didn't stammer
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up
Bridge
Out here where the moon hangs low
Forget about your troubles
Hangin' with thots and crankin' Coe
Babe I wanna bust yo bubble
Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, twerk that maker like yo name is Miley
Make my emoticon a smiley
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up
Kick the Dust Up
©2015 FTM Satire
This ol' town is so boring and stuff
Nobody likes to get turnt up
To Schmurda and Big Sean
Well I ain't stressin' on what they say
So climb up in my pick-up bae
Let's get our cliché on
Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, move them haunches like a paint mixer
Tearin' up the pasture like a twister
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up
All my bros is blowin' up my phone
Pulling up twisted on Patron
Glad they out that damn town
All them bustahs keep throwin' shade
But I just wanna get laid
So drop them cutoffs down
Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, bounce that thang like a jackhammer
Let's get cray cray, nah I didn't stammer
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up
Bridge
Out here where the moon hangs low
Forget about your troubles
Hangin' with thots and crankin' Coe
Babe I wanna bust yo bubble
Kick the dust up
Shake your butt butt
Girl, twerk that maker like yo name is Miley
Make my emoticon a smiley
Fill your cup up
Kick the dust up
Dec 23, 2014
Oct 31, 2014
Country Horror Movie Posters V: The Stuff
Labels:
Country Horror Movie Posters,
Dallas Davidson,
FGL,
Fireball,
Halloween,
Satire,
Tyler Farr
Country Horror Movie Poster II: Nashville Centipede
Oct 20, 2014
Monday Morning Memes: Luke Bryan, Randy Orton, Bucky, etc.
Labels:
Bucky Covington,
Dallas Davidson,
Luke Bryan,
memes,
Randy Orton,
Satire,
Scott Borchetta,
WWE
Oct 8, 2014
Top 10 Ways Nashville Songwriters are Changing Their Approach in 2014
On 2014's mainstream country radio, we've seen a slight maturing of the content and a subtle movement away from so much "bro." There have also been other shifts, such as nekkid-ness and even more drinking than anyone thought possible. Here are some of the methods Music Row's finest are using to adapt with the times.
Top 10 Ways Nashville Songwriters are Changing
Top 10 Ways Nashville Songwriters are Changing
Their Approach in 2014
10. Learning the names of a larger variety of alcoholic beverages
10. Learning the names of a larger variety of alcoholic beverages
for their songs' characters to drink while driving
09. Requesting that singers pronounce "truck" with a bit of ironic displeasure
08. Extending group of 'outsiders' who should be pummeled by
09. Requesting that singers pronounce "truck" with a bit of ironic displeasure
08. Extending group of 'outsiders' who should be pummeled by
country boys to include people who live in the suburbs, the educated, and bloggers
07. Evolving their sonic palette from 'peak hair metal' (Poison, Bon Jovi)
07. Evolving their sonic palette from 'peak hair metal' (Poison, Bon Jovi)
to 'waning days of hair metal' (Trixter, Danger Danger)
06. Bringing back the working man trope (as long as he don't work in no damn city)
05. Tamping down on the misogyny a bit by giving female characters a larger role, such as
06. Bringing back the working man trope (as long as he don't work in no damn city)
05. Tamping down on the misogyny a bit by giving female characters a larger role, such as
lighting the bonfire, letting down the tailgate, or initiating the unprotected sex
04. Limiting grammatical errors to 2 per song
03. Slyly inserting marijuana references into every song,
04. Limiting grammatical errors to 2 per song
03. Slyly inserting marijuana references into every song,
including quasi-religious songs and anti-immigration anthems
02. Cutting back on incidents of racist, homophobic rants and drunken brawls
01. Full frontal nudity
02. Cutting back on incidents of racist, homophobic rants and drunken brawls
01. Full frontal nudity
Sep 17, 2014
Dallas Davidson: Winner
DD made this comment in response to @DrunkenMartina 's Twitter question:
"Advice for other misogynistic manchildren who want to get rich writing
the same song over and over? #cmchat" during Monday night's Country Music Chat.
Labels:
Dallas Davidson,
Drunken Martina,
memes,
Satire,
Twitter
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 3, 2014
If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Country Classics
And it's DJs, Chevys jacked, EDM music
Muddy, muddy fields that my tires roam
Yeah, my DJs, Chevys jacked, EDM music
And sexting hotties pictures of my dong
Old trucks drive you round the square even when you're drunk as hell
God bless little cutoffs them girls are shakin' so well
That's pretty much the deepest stuff that's ever on my mind
Yeah old trucks and cutoffs and Kroger cherry shine
Raptor with chromed out vents
Custom seat - leather bench
Bluetooth and intake kit
Brand new Powerplant winch
Yo, it's..four hundred horses strong
Drive your girl right out of her thong
I'm the man drivin' with a lean
King of the bros
If you wonder how long we'll be grindin'
Well, just crank up R Kelly's 12 Play
I'm gonna tap it for minutes, and minutes and minutes, lil bae
Hello Darlin'
What's up baby
How you doin'?
Those jeans sure are tight
So shake that money
Like I love to see
Have a cold one
Are you horny
Like I am tonight
Drop the tailgate
And play some Aldean
What's up baby
How you doin'?
Those jeans sure are tight
So shake that money
Like I love to see
Have a cold one
Are you horny
Like I am tonight
Drop the tailgate
And play some Aldean
Aug 7, 2014
I'm Not Lovin' It
Labels:
Dallas Davidson,
memes,
Satire
Jul 16, 2014
What's Worse Than Bro-Country?
Labels:
bro-country,
Dallas Davidson,
Honest Ads,
Maggie Rose,
Satire
Jul 14, 2014
Monday Morning Memes: Garth, Sam Hunt, Dallas Davidson
Labels:
Dallas Davidson,
Donkey,
Garth Brooks,
Jerrod Niemann,
memes,
Sam Hunt,
Satire
Jul 10, 2014
Dallas Davidson's Latest Greatest Hits
Labels:
Dallas Davidson,
memes,
Satire,
That's My Kinda Night,
TMZ
Jun 17, 2014
Top 10 Rules for Writing a Hit Country Song in 2014
Inspired by this. (Link)
10. Check Billboard's charts archives and see
what was popular in pop and rap 10 years ago. Do that.
09. Be a famous person's offspring.
08. Write what you know, unless you know about anything other
than leaning on your truck in a pasture drinking fake moonshine and staring
at the rear ends of females dancing beside a bonfire to a song about leaning
on your truck in a pasture drinking fake moonshine and staring at the
rear ends of females dancing beside a bonfire.
07. When writing a song for a female artist, stop doing that.
06. Move to Nashville. Do you honestly think a record exec is going to come
to your house so you can give them sexual favors to get your foot in the door?
05. Be in a fraternity and when one of your fellow members
gets into the business, they'll hook you up, bro.
04. Go to a club where critically lauded Americana or roots rock artists perform
and listen to their earnest, heartfelt songs. Maybe even talk with them after the show and find out about their motives and inspirations so you can make sure to never do any of that stuff.
03. Kiss ass kiss ass kiss ass.
02. Don't write a country song.
01. Sit down for a few hours with your guitar and a bottle of whiskey and pour out your
emotions into a powerful song about hurt, love and the power of the human spirit.
Then throw that sumbitch in the trash and go write a truck song with 3 other dudes.
Labels:
bro-country,
Dallas Davidson,
Luke Bryan,
Satire,
Top Ten Lists,
Trucks
Mar 18, 2014
If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Big Hits
FTM ponders what these famous rock, R&B, rap and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...
Pearl Jam - Even Flow
Gravel road, trucks arrive tires oversized
Oh, bring some hoes, who can make the sugar shake
Better yet, we'll have Miller Lite again
Lite again, Lite again...
Roberta Flack - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
The first time ever I saw dat ass
I felt my skinny jeans start to rise
And the moon and the stars over my tailgate
Got to watch me get in them thighs
Merle Haggard - Fightin' Side of Me
If you gone mad-dog, step up:
Let these brass knucks be a warnin'.
If you're cock-blockin' on hotties, son,
You bout to meet the fightin' side of me.
Carl Perkins (Elvis Presley) - Blue Suede Shoes
Well, it's one for the honeys,
Two for the shine,
Three for my Chevy,
Past the county line.
But don't you step on my square-toed boots.
You can do anything but lay off of my square-toed boots.
Jay-Z - 99 Problems
99 problems but a hitch ain't one
If you need to pull a trailer, get a Smittybilt son
I got 99 problems but a hitch ain't one
Hit me
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