Americana Artist’s Political Song Not Connecting With Audiences

Rising Americana singer Benjamyn Lackey has built quite a following in his short 3 years on the scene. He’s traversed the US to adoring crowds, opening for the likes of Sturgill Simpson and Cody Jinks. His debut album showed up on the top 10 of several year end lists in 2016. He’s even been acclaimed by stars like Vince Vaughn and (AEW wrestler) Cody Rhodes on social media, but Lackey’s teaser single for his forthcoming sophomore album Hens in the Roadpath is meeting with a deafening silence.

The tune, a stripped-down acoustic and drum folk tune entitled “If You’re Republican, Don’t Be My Fan,” has only been streamed 1024 times on Spotify in its 2 months of release. The song’s reception in concert has been similarly subdued. 

“I know it’ll take time to catch on, but people at shows just kind of look back and forth at each other during the song.” Said Lackey. “Maybe they’re commiserating with one another non-verbally over the craziness of the world these days. I’m sure they all agree with me that Republicans are literally as bad as Pol Pot.”

“If You’re Republican..” Is Benjamyn’s first foray into protest music, and critics have been sharply divided. Rolling Stone Country called it “a brave line in the sand and a masterpiece of modern political music, if a questionable commercial approach.” Helping Country Music devoted 15 paragraphs to describing the song as overwrought. Farce the Music made a couple of non-commital but clever memes about it.

We asked fans about the song after a recent show, and they were a bit more forthcoming deep in the beers. “All his other songs are poetic and well-written; that one sounds like a first year political science major frat boy wrote it after a conservative chick turned him down.” said Jennifer Pulaski, a confirmed liberal. “F**k him!” yelled Phil Baker, a Republican. “His other songs kick ass so I’ll come to his damn shows if I want to; what’s he gonna do? Stand at the door with a voter roll?” The crowd, split about 50/50 across the political divide, was firmly in agreement on the ham-fistedness of the song and said that they looked back and forth at one another during its performance as a communal “wtf is this sh*t?” 

At press time, Lackey’s label was considering replacing “If You’re Republican, Don’t Be My Fan” on the unreleased album’s track-listing with a more fan friendly “Whiskey Dick.”

A sampling of the lyrics of “IYRDBMF” follows. 

The world’s so crazy these days

Everybody’s screaming, throwing hands

But only the left is right

So I’m saying with all my might

If you’re Republican, don’t be my fan

Texas Band Proclaims Love of Their Home State in Song

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, July 21, 2011 

A new band out of New Braunfels, Texas, is proud of their home state and they are not ashamed to let the world know. The DeWayne Tillis Band's debut digital single "Texas in My Veins" is an anthem to the Lone Star State that lets us all in on what's going down in the little-known, rarely mentioned home of such things as "Shiner," "Ray Wylie" and "bluebonnets." 

The song, a catchy assimilation of country and rock that sounds vaguely like Steve Earle fronting Lynyrd Skynyrd, is a mash note to Texas, while also reminding us not to "mess" with said state. Lead singer DeWayne Tillis co-wrote the song with bassist Colton McBride after seeing either a Jamie Crowe Band or Kasey Rogers Band concert one night (they couldn't remember which). 

"Man, they were so good and had us fist-pumping and 'whoo-ing' all night and just loving life in this humble little state," related Tillis. McBride chimed in: "And we just thought... man, there ought to be at least one song out there to let people know just how completely, unassumingly awesome it is here." 

The band's love of Texas isn't limited only to song. Drummer Charlie Peacock revealed some early sketches of the band logo, a charmingly subtle combination of the band's name in a grunge typeface with the state's outline and a guitar which seems to be sprouting eagle wings. "We thought our brand, our logo, ought to be as unique as this reverential land we call home" said Peacock. "Damn, that's gonna look good hanging on cheap banners down at the Icehouse!" 

According to DeWayne Tillis, the group's debut album won't focus specifically on Texas: "We got love songs, songs about being a band on the road, uh... did I say love songs already?" The collection of tunes, tentatively titled Aw Shucks, We're From Texas, is due for release in October, or sooner if the single touches a nerve with radio audiences yearning for confirmation of the state they all hold so bashfully dear. 

The Crud Report: June 2019

Tyler Farr Hosts Fan Appreciation Day

Tyler Farr hosted fan appreciation day Monday in Nashville. The special event included an intimate concert, a hot chicken lunch, and an autograph and photo session. According to the fan, it was a day she’ll never forget. 

“It was so much fun!” smiled Loribeth Sykes of Pigeon Forge. “I didn’t realize I’d won a one on one fan appreciation party; he was so sweet, even though he seemed a little sad at times.” Sykes was unaware that the event was free and open to all Farr fans, of which she was apparently the totality. 

“I’ve been out of the spotlight for a year or two now, so I thought it was important to show appreciation to my fan. Without the fan, I would have been singing to an empty room and eating by myself today.” said a low-key Farr, packing up a box of 8x10’s.

After a 6 minute acoustic concert of all Farr’s biggest hits, he and Sykes hit Hattie B’s for a lunch of famous Nashville hot chicken. “I thought it was a little weird that I had to pay for lunch, but it was just twenty bucks and he said he’d pay me back, so no big deal.” said Sykes. 

The two made their way back to the Econolodge conference room B for a quick selfie and photo signing and the Tyler Farr Fan Appreciation Day came to an end. 

“I thought my mom would at least be here.” said Farr, stacking folding chairs onto a rolling cart. 

Brantley Gilbert Fan to Graduate High School

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, February 21, 2012 

Brantley Gilbert fan Nat Barksdale of Covington, Georgia, recently announced that he will graduate high school this spring, making him the first Gilbert fan to do so without the aid of post-dropout GED courses. 

"My counselor says it looks like I'm going to scrape by in driver's ed and welding class and finally graduate!" said an elated Nathaniel, who will gain his 22nd credit, making him graduation-ready after six years of studious classwork. "It's been a struggle," he admitted, "but thanks to a couple of tutors and Brantley Gilbert's inspirational music, I'm going to throw that mortal board (sic) in the air this May!" 

"It was dicey there for a while," said Barksdale's frazzled guidance counselor Renny Smith, "but we finally got him off crystal meth and got him to buckle down and it looks like he'll be out of my hair for good!" She continued: "He's a pretty good boy, but that arson conviction in 10th grade really set him back; I'm thankful he put his nose to the grindstone and is finishing on a high note." 

After an uncomfortably long parking lot kiss from his 8th grade girlfriend, Jeanette Cosby, Nat told us: "You don't know how happy I was to hear the word 'graduation.' Me and Jeanny can finally get married this summer!" Cosby, in her second trimester of pregnancy, smiled and added: "Nat's gonna start at the A/C coil factory in June and mama's already got us a spot picked out for the trailer." 

Strains of Brantley Gilbert's "You Don't Know Her Like I Do" echoed through the low-riders and Bondocolored economy cars as the couple danced a victory waltz. Barksdale's 'homeboys' stood back against a cattle-guard gate smoking and gently applauding the success of their Affliction-tshirt-clad idol. 

"We're hitting up the Eric Church/Brantley Gilbert show in Orange Beach next month to celebrate!" exclaimed Barksdale, tipping back a Steel Reserve tallboy. 

"Well, I've got to get back to Algebra 1 before I get counted tardy," said the 20-year-old as he bid us adieu through the haze of Camel smoke. 

At press time, Nat was expected to be granted a lifetime membership to the Brantley Gilbert Nation fan club for his unprecedented academic accomplishments. 

Your Mama to Release Country Single

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California August 03, 2010 

Your mama has announced the release of her first country single. The maternal head of your family has signed with Stroudavarious Records and lead single "Gaining Ground" will precede an album of the same title due in December. A radio station tour to promote the song will begin next Thursday after her dentist appointment. That tooth where she got the filling in May is really aching lately. 

James Stroud, CEO and founder of Stroudavarious, had this to say of your mother: "She brings a lot to the table, literally and figuratively, ha ha ha. When we found out she had such a large circle of Bunco and book club friends and that she used to sing backup for a bar rock band in college, it was a no-brainer!" 

When questioned if your female parent's advanced age would be an issue in marketing, Stroud offered: "Not at all, she's a lovely woman and aren't 'cougars' in style nowadays? Ha ha." Your dad had no comment regarding that concern. 

With the magnetic kitty calendar on the fridge filling up quickly, your matriarch has been cutting carbs and doing P90X in preparation for August's cover shoot. She's also had to cancel plans for a yard sale the third weekend because she may be filling in for The Grascals on one night of Hank Jr.'s Rowdy Friends Tour. 

You'd know all this if you'd call home more often. And how's that new girlfriend working out? 

Martina McBride Suspected in Several Area Holdups

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, December 15, 2010 

Superstar country singer Martina McBride is the unlikely suspect in several recent Nashville armed robberies. 

On Thursday, a Brentwood Texaco cashier reported that shortly after 9 PM, a very short-in-stature woman dressed in a black overcoat and a collectible miniature Predators hockey mask demanded all the cash from the register and 8 cans of watermelon Four Loko. The victim said he laughed until the assailant produced a semiautomatic pistol while screaming "Don't doubt me, Hassan, I know how to shoot this b*tch!" She left the Texaco with an undisclosed amount of money, the Four Loko beverages and several sticks of beef jerky. 

Saturday morning, a BP station in the same general vicinity was robbed at gunpoint by a similarly described female. On this occasion, the woman lit a rack of Country Weekly magazines on fire before leaving the premises with cash, an Ed Hardy lighter and a handful of Black & Mild cigarillos. "She was yelling about Carrie Underwood when she burned those magazines; it was surreal," recounted BP attendant Cliff Carlston. "She was cussing like a sailor, but that voice... her voice was so familiar... and uplifting." 

A string of robberies across the area has been attributed to the same suspect, with the top of her head caught on surveillance tapes at local convenience stores, banks and check cashing services. A black Lincoln SUV with step-sides has been mentioned as the getaway car in several instances. Investigators point to this fact along with a tip from a distraught child at the McBride residence as evidence of the singer's involvement in these crimes. 

McBride's lawyers had no comment and Martina herself was in conference with her legal team at press time. The Davidson County Sheriff's Department said they were looking to obtain some juvenile-size cuffs before taking McBride into custody on suspicion of robbery, arson and assault. 

The Crud Report: May 2019

Alan Jackson Previews New Clarence Carter Covers Album

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, May 08, 2009 

Fresh off the platinum success of his largely self-written Good Time album, Alan Jackson took a night off his spring tour to preview some new tracks from his forthcoming album of Clarence Carter covers for a select group of internet media. 

"Well, I've always been partial to, you know, those ol' gritty sounding rhythm and blues songs and they don't get any grittier than Clarence," Jackson laughed genially as he started off the evening. 

I settled into my chair as Jackson began his opening selection - and incidentally also the upcoming album's lead single - the bawdy "Sixty Minute Man," which includes the line "fifteen minutes of something you've been missing." Sounding as confident as ever, Jackson put a little pelvic thrusting into the hook lines, drawing gasps and a little stifled laughter from the audience. 

Next, Jackson brought Alison Krauss, producer of the album (and his previous dip into R&B, Like Red on a Rose), onstage with him to do backing vocals on the randy "Take It Off Him, Put It On Me." They grinned like drunken college kids as they pulled off the number with peculiar aplomb. 

Alison exited as Alan continued his set with the classic "Patches" before returning to Carter's seedy side with "Back Door Santa," donning a Santa hat and doing an awkward "butt spank" dance move during the performance. After some muddled applause and whispering, someone in the crowd hollered out "Do Strokin'!" and the long tall Georgian complied. 

"I'd like to bring up a very special guest for my last song tonight," smiled Alan as he helped the elder soulman Carter onto the small stage. The two traded libidinous lyrics with huge smiles on their faces to the crowd's mix of embarrassment and excitement. The bizarreness of hearing Jackson sing "that's what I been doin'" while shaking his skinny hips cannot be adequately conveyed with any words in my vocabulary. 

Concerns over whether this was the long and dirty version of "Strokin'" were put to rest when Jackson changed the lyrics "you can stick it up my ***" to "you can take care of yourself." "We gotta keep things PG-13," he said with his famous aw-shucks drawl as the song faded. The crowd dispersed quickly after a short, confused semi-ovation. 

Fake News Classic: Justin Moore Concert Cut “Short”

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, September 22, 2009 

At last month's Sturgis Bike Rally in Sturgis, SD, abridged-stature country singer Justin Moore was forced to leave the stage mid-concert due to the unruly crowd. Moore, who just celebrated his first #1 song with "Small Town USA," was unable to perform over the wave of raucous laughter which began halfway through his song "I Could Kick Your Ass," so he unceremoniously exited with several minutes left in his set. 

"I couldn't help it," snickered North Carolina motorcycle enthusiast Clyde 'Bonegrinder' McGee. "I mean, the song was okay, but really? Really? That joker couldn't be more than 4 foot 9. He couldn't kick my lady friend's ass." "I've taken dumps bigger than him," laughed Murder City Riders Motor Club president Remus Barksdale, "and I thought country music was supposed to be about authenticity." 

The show got off to a promising start in the first half, with the crowd even singing along by the end of "Back That Thang Up" and waving flags patriotically through "Good Ol' American Way." However, things went south by the second chorus of "I Could Kick Your Ass." 

"I wasn't sure I'd heard him right the first time, but when he sang it again... 'I could kick your ass, I could jack your jaw'... I 'bout wet myself," said Linda Morrow of Chicago from atop her gleaming Harley Fat Boy. "He's a cute little thang, but jeez, you're standing on a phone book to reach the mic, dude." 

Laughter began from near the tattoo stand and spread like wildfire, drowning out the band and the elfin singer in a matter of seconds. Moore valiantly attempted to finish the song, but ultimately could not hear himself well enough to continue. Despite the chaos and scattered reports of sides injured from too much laughter, no one was arrested at the concert. 

Moore declined comment, but his management says there are no plans to make up the date in the short term. 

The Crud Report: April '19

Mainstream Country Station Expands Playlist to 12 Songs

LAFAYETTE, LA —Local mainstream country radio station 102.9 WBRO (“The Bro”) announced Thursday a new programming direction wherein its radio hosts would be instructed to select from a list of twelve different songs, up from the usual eleven—which was already 3 songs higher than the industry average.

“After much research, we’ve decided to add Maren Morris’ ‘Girl’ to the rotation. We know we’ll get some push-back here, but we believe the numbers make sense and also there was a company directive that forces us to add one woman to the playlist,” associate program director Jess Staten said in a statement Thursday.

“Of course, we’ll still be playing the other eleven songs over and over and over again—we just really wanted to stand out from the pack by adding one more to the rotation,” he noted. “But the staples like Thomas and Kane and Morgan and uh Morgan and that song where the guy says something kind of pervy about a girl… those will all remain.”

According to Staten, the move was part of a broader initiative to challenge what was possible in the mainstream country radio arena, and to inject a new level of variety into the station’s already adventurous eleven-song playlist.

“I hope this gets all the SJW’s and feminists off our backs” he added.

—————

This story blatantly plagiarized and adapted from this Babylon Bee story.

Dirt Road Actually Pretty Boring

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, October 06, 2011 

Jason Aldean fans Shelley Young and Lyndi Berks recently traveled into rural Mississippi to experience the fun and charming world of Aldean's smash hit "Dirt Road Anthem." What they sampled instead was a level of sheer dullness they had not come to know in their entire previous 17 years on the planet. 

Clad in matching "My Kinda Party" tour shirts, boots and cut-off jeans, the pair borrowed Berks' dad's old Dodge Ram and headed for less-developed paths. 

"It was so boring I wanted to shoot myself in the face," exaggerated Madison Central High School senior Young. "That song made dirt roads sound like so much fun, but it's just like bugs and dirt and stuff! I mean, you can tell Jason totally knows what he's talking about when he wrote that song and maybe dirt roads are just more fun in Georgia, but I'd rather listen to a Merle Haggard song than get off the blacktop ever again!" 

The girls started off on an unnamed county road in neighboring Holmes County, by swerving "like George Jones" and smoking Kool cigarettes. "But dust was rolling IN the window... and the smoke was just making us cough," related Berks. "And I could only get 1G on my Galaxy S!" 

Next, they searched for a party in a pasture to attend, but found only cows, horses and a couple of discarded washing machines. "We stopped at a trailer to ask a guy if there was a party anywhere and he said the party was 'right here' and pointed to his pleather couch... I think he was on meth," said Shelley. 

The trip ended with a failed attempt at purchasing an Old Milwaukee tallboy to place "in the console." "That old woman said we looked like we were twelve. Dumb b*tch, like she was gonna make any other money that day. Does anybody even live that far away from a Hollister?" complained Berks. 

In summation, dirt roads "suck," "blow" and caused the girls to "SMH" and say "FML" multiple times. "But we still love Jason! He's so hot!" they cooed in perfect harmony. 

Willie Nelson to Record Duets Album With You

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, February 13, 2009 

Willie Nelson has announced that his next studio album will be a collection of duets with you. He plans to show up at your house around 6ish this evening to begin work on the project. Singing lessons will be unnecessary as Nelson believes you have an "earthy everyman/woman vibe" that will translate well to his 376th official release. 

The songs will include several traditional standards such as "Wayfaring Stranger," a couple tracks by top Nashville songwriters, and a few as-yet-nonexistent cowrites with you. When asked what the album might sound like, Nelson mentioned "an organic and freewheeling set of unpolished but exciting country songs." 

You will go on a short full-band tour with the country legend, including stop-offs in Austin and L.A., as well as an acoustic radio tour for release week. There will also be a taped GAC special called "Willie and (your nickname)." 

You will join a celebrated throng of artists who have shared recorded media with the well-loved Texan troubadour, including Merle Haggard, Snoop Dogg, Johnny Cash, Julio Iglesias, Ray Charles, Lucinda Williams, that guy from Matchbox 20, Sheryl Crow, Wynton Marsalis, Toby Keith, Ray Price, Waylon Jennings, George Jones, Dave Matthews, your aunt Ruthie, Ryan Adams, Neil Young, Emmylou Harris, his second bus driver, Mel Tillis, Lacy J. Dalton, Carlos Santana, Asleep at the Wheel, Leon Russell, Dyan Cannon, Elvis, Kenny Chesney, Lee Ann Womack, Kris Kristofferson, Pat Green, B.B. King, Patsy Cline, Kid Rock, Brian McKnight, Bonnie Raitt, ZZ Top, Eric Clapton, his supplier, Norah Jones, Paul Simon, Shania Twain, Wyclef Jean, Diana Krall, Lyle Lovett, Shelby Lynne, some drunk guy he met at a party, John Mellencamp, Steven Tyler and a few hundred others. 

After a quick final "session" on his bus, you will resume your normal life, while Willie will return to the studio to begin work on his follow-up album, a collaboration with T-Pain titled Willie n' Pain due out later this year.

Song About Country Pride to Be Released

Singer on vacation in the uh... country?

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, September 04, 2009 

Next Monday, country music fans will witness the historic release of a game-changing new single. The song, performed by an up-and-coming B-list male singer with a fondness for wearing white t-shirts, is rumored to employ the rarely used "listing" technique to promote the little-known personal preferences of non city-dwellers. 

A bevy of Nashville's most successful songwriters brought their staggering creative genius together to create this masterpiece during a recent writing session. 

"We just looked at each other and knew we had done something special," smiled a clearly satisfied Craig Wiseman, one of the song's cowriters. "You remember how Nirvana changed rock in the '90s? Well, this song is going to redirect the course of country music history... it's that innovative. I mean, hell, it's got collard greens in it!" 

"Did you know that country people sometimes have what's called a 'farmer's tan?'" laughed pioneering cowriter Bob DiPiero. "We're breaking new ground here!" 

Other novel revelations in the tune include the love of "good ol' boys" for "gals in cut off jeans," the shocking contrast of Saturday night's sinfulness to Sunday morning's repentance, the prevalence of southerners' charming loyalty to "mama" and their addictions to fried foods and low-cost alcoholic beverages. Further bullet-point lyrics introduce America, for the very first time, to "Skoal rings," "Hank Jr.," "gravel" and "hard work." 

The new direction and new concepts will surely take some time for country music fans to digest, but this writer expects the song to be huge, possibly even finally giving the rural population something to be prideful about. The ways of their quaint but culturally significant world, heretofore utterly unexplored, will soon be public knowledge to the unwitting listening public, and country music will never be the same again. 

As non-urban people apparently profess frequently: "Yeehaw!" 

Luke Bryan Says Zac Brown's "God Given" Worst Song Ever

Another day, another country artist coming out against the current direction of country music. The latest is superstar Luke Bryan, who not only had some unkind words about the state of country music, but specifically set Zac Brown’s song “God Given” in his crosshairs—a song from the Zac Brown Band's forthcoming album and a rumored single:

"I love Zac Brown and he’s had some great songs, but this new song is the worst song I’ve ever heard. I know Zac, he’s a friend. ‘God Given’ is one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard. I see it being commercially successful, in what is called country music these days, but I also feel like that the people deserve something better than that. Country fans and country listeners deserve to have something better than that, a song that really has something to say, something that makes you feel something. Good music makes you feel something. When songs make me wanna throw up, it makes me ashamed to even be in the same genre as those songs. My how the tables have turned."

Zac Brown and “God Given” came up in the context of Luke Bryan complaining about the current trends dominating country radio right now.

"If I hear one more snap beat or bass drop in a country song, I’m gonna throw up. There’s songs out there on the radio right now that make me be ashamed to be even in the same format as some other artists. And actually, I think Zac Brown probably wrote this one himself. Doesn't he have people around him to tell him no? I mean, ZBB is a multi-million dollar corporation and he's putting the livelihood of all 18 band members on the line by chasing trends and making a fool of himself."

The song, which the Zac Brown Band has been performing recently on their "The Owl" tour is almost entirely rapped and features the lyrics:

Gucci bags, stacks on stacks,

Diamonds fill up the champagne glass

Luke Bryan, who has also been criticized for being a part of the "bro country" trend has recently gone back toward relatively neo-traditional pop country. Asked his thoughts on the reason for Zac Brown's musical experimentation, Bryan told us: "It's been downhill since that hotel room; I'm just saying."

*parts of this fake news piece adapted from Saving Country Music's original ZBB/Luke Bryan story*

Some Guy You've Never Heard of Makes Opry Debut

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, March 01, 2012 

Some country singer you have never heard of, much less heard any music from, makes his Opry debut Friday night. 

Hailing from a fond-memory-inducing podunk on the Kentucky horizon, the random male country performer reportedly grew up listening to the Opry on the radio. He also visited the Opry several times, and idolized quite a few artists who graced that stage. He also wears a cowboy hat and customized leather belts. 

Whoever this guy is released his debut single in late December and has seen it rise steadily into the lower 30s on the charts. Tall, blue-eyed, and handsome, the unidentified singer is said to possess a vocal style reminiscent of that one guy with the tight jeans. 

Nondescript vocalist guy is currently in the studio with an in-demand hit producer and the engineer of several forgettably popular recent releases. The tepid - but commercially viable - debut album, with a cover photo of the dude standing in front of a weathered brick wall, is expected to be released in early summer. 

This person's Opry debut will be on a bill with Mel Tillis and Montgomery Gentry as well as a high school glee club and a token bluegrass band. 

At press time, a rumor was swirling that there may be a major announcement or invitation of some sort for this featureless, though quite fetching, country music singer when he takes the stage. 

The Crud Report: February 2019

Cowboy Troy Wins PBR Air Force Invitational

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, Friday, May 22, 2009 

Big & Rich compadre, country rapper and former Nashville Star co-host Cowboy Troy added another bullet point to his impressive resume Sunday, winning the PBR's "Air Force Invitational" Built Ford Tough Series event in Worcester, Mass. 

Troy, last name Coleman on his birth certificate, topped two-time Professional Bull Riders World Champion Chris Shivers and Brazilian superstar Guilherme Marchi's averages by more than 3 points to take his first prize in the esteemed event. 

"Booyah!" exclaimed Troy as he gently dismounted from his final 90+ point ride, Little Yellow Jacket, all but certain of his victory. Although the genial rapper's bullriding prowess was a well-kept secret up until his participation in the event, the final posted results came as no surprise to anyone who bore witness to his complete dominance of PBR favorites Pinball Wizard, Sling Blade and Pandora's Box. When asked if he was surprised by his win, Coleman smiled: "A little, I reckon, but shucks man, I've been riding and roping since I was a little buckaroo." 

Although Troy is an anomaly for the PBR circuit at well over six feet tall, he is surprisingly agile atop the monstrous animals, ducking smoothly with the bulls' bucks and keeping a low center of gravity. "He beats all I've seen" said North Carolina's JB Mauney. "Damnation he's good; ain't he had enough success in the music world? I play chicken with the trayeeeyain." 

Troy took home a brand new black 2010 Ford F-250 along with a $326,000 purse for his efforts. "Yeeeehaw! Oh you didn't know?" he yelled to the crowd before making his victory circle (pictured). "I got the skills that instill thrills like hydraulics on a Cadillac convertabill... gitchoosome!!!!" 

Troy, who parted ways with Warner Bros. Nashville in 2008, will reportedly use some of his winnings to finance a new indie "hick hop" album tentatively titled Say It Loud, I'm Country and I'm Proud for late 2009 release.

The Crud Report: February '19