More Monday Memes: Luke Combs, FGL, Turnpike

Where FGL Finds Inspiration

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: August 2020

A poop emoji is negative. A strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-9) overall which is a 15 point drop from May (the previous time we did this chart). Not too surprising, since summer on country radio is for mindless beer truck boyfriend songs. The worst song is Florida-Georgia Line’s “I Love My Country” being slightly worse than Kane Brown’s “Cool Again.” The best song is Maddie & Tae’s “Die From a Broken Heart,” which finally hit number 1 after forever on the chart.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

A Scary Look Into the Future

Sling Blade Country Reaction Gifs

A country bro explaining to his hottie why the truck happened to stop in this pasture

When you meet somebody who loves Tyler Childers as much as you do

Mama said the sling blade is the devil's right hand

When Dwight Yoakam goes to a party where they're playing Florida-Georgia Line

A politically incorrect person making a Luke Bryan joke

When a creepy dude you just met won't shut the f*** up about his favorite singer, Mitchell Tenpenny

Would you rather get free tickets to a Kane Brown concert or pay $20 for french fried potaters?

When I hear a snap beat in a "country" song

Reality Shows Country Reaction Gifs

You think Florida-Georgia Line are country music innovators?

Kane Brown fans mad at us for joking about him getting lost on his 30 acre property

When a new "country" artist says he's inspired by Future and Blink-182

Loretta Lynn at nearly every moment of the 70s

Why do you enjoy listening to Luke Bryan?

When Gary Levox hits a note he wasn't sure he could hit anymore

When she says her first son will be named Waylon

Every pop country singer trying to write an outlaw country song 

Report: Nobody Gives a Sh** What Famous Country Singers Are Doing During Quarantine

Reports from every American man and woman, regardless of political belief or musical preference, on Friday said they do not give one solitary shit what famous country singers are doing to pass time during the COVID-19 quarantine.

Despite numerous attempts by Taste of Country and PopCulture.com, not a single story of singers drinking coffee and reading to their kids has piqued the interest of normal everyday citizens. While Americans realized the difficulty of finding interesting news during this difficult time, they were resolute in their belief that “this ain’t it, chief.” 

“I’m only working 20 hours a week and the PPP and my stimulus check have run out so I’m worried about paying the mortgage,” said Rena Hopson of Kalamazoo, MI. “So no, I am not interested in how Luke Bryan is doing Tik Tok videos with his beautiful wife on their sprawling farm… call me cynical, I call me a realist.” 

Even TMZ has taken to peeking in the windows of country stars like Jason Aldean and Thomas Rhett to see how they’re coping with the pandemic. “Aldean appeared to be fussing at his daughter for playing Animal Crossing when she was supposed to be taking out the trash.” said a breathless paparazzi reporter for the rag. Again, this did nothing to snatch the attention of any human being upon the earth, who were each dealing with their own issues at the present time. 

“I understand that there’s nothing going on, so they have to get creative with their content,” laughed Azid Parah of Pensacola. “But I have kids to keep busy and bills to pay, so I do not give even one damn what kind of sourdough Kelsea Ballerini is baking this week.” 

At press time, The Boot was interviewing Florida-Georgia Line about their favorite episode of Unsolved Mysteries. 

Cheers Country Reaction Gifs

Why do you care about other people listening to music you don't think is really country?

When Rebecca Howe says Willie Nelson is a pot-head commie

A typical radio station visit for a female country singer

When somebody plays Florida-Georgia Line on the jukebox

How you can tell a Brantley Gilbert fan just walked in

Lori McKenna is the best songwriter working today

Turnpike! Ragweed! Turnpike! Ragweed!

When Sawyer Brown came on at a party in the early 90s 

Verified Not Country

They've Run Out of Stuff to Talk About

Least Essential Albums ft. FGL, Taylor Swift, Tim McGraw

Country TwitterWINs July '20