 |
| By Jared Vititoe |
Showing posts with label Hardy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hardy. Show all posts
Oct 11, 2021
Aug 20, 2021
Man Wears Mask at Aldean Concert Because He’s Embarrassed to Be There
One man Aldean didn’t notice, however, was definitely wearing a mask.
Ben Trask of Levittown withstood the stares and occasional crude remarks from fellow concert-goers and kept his face covering on for the entire duration of the show. He also wore the mask while driving to and leaving the show.
When asked if he donned the fabric over health concerns, Trask laughed. “Hell no. I just didn’t want anybody I know to see me going to, being in attendance at, or leaving a Jason Aldean concert.”
Trask was tasked with taking his step-daughter and her friends to the concert after drawing the short straw among the group of parents. “My wife got lucky!” said Trask. “She didn’t have to sit through this droning motherf***er for 2 damn hours singing about fields and trucks and trucks and fields.”
“I liked one of the opening singers, Lainey Wilson, but the rest of it was pure garbage,” he continued. “I’d be mortified if somebody took my picture being at this shitshow. They had a f***ing DJ, for god’s sake! At a supposed country concert!”
At press time, Ben was making sure his daughter didn’t tag him in any Facebook photo posts.
Dec 17, 2020
What Your Favorite 2020 Album Says About You Part 2
----------
Waylon Jennings - What Goes Around Comes Around
You have good taste, but are either convinced no good country music came out after 1979, or have suffered a lot of memory loss from the cocaine and pills.
Florida-Georgia Line - 6-Pack
You had never heard of Charley Pride until last week. You pronounce “EP” (which this is, not an album) as if it rhymes with “step.” You’re a contractor who only has negative reviews for driving like an a**hole.
Ashley McBride - Never Will
You are a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. Or you’re anybody else with an ear for worthy music, actually. It’s damn good.
Hardy - A Rock
You’re a 25-32 year old male who lost his identity once bro-country went out of fashion and you are so damn thankful you now have something new to crank out of your 2013 ragged-out Raptor with the fading “Lifted Cause Fat Chicks Can’t Jump” sticker.
The Chicks - Gaslighter
You forced yourself to believe this is a great album to fit in with the other trendy left-leaning country fans on Twitter. You’re not enthused with Joe Biden, and are even less enthused with me making you do a self-assessment of what you really think of this, The Chicks’ worst album by a long shot.
Luke Bryan - Born Here, Live Here, Die Here
The last book you read was The Hunger Games. You only have a “Blue Lives Matter” sticker on your car so you won’t get a ticket for going 60 in a 35 every day taking your kids to soccer practice.
Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit - Reunions
You are a sports writer. You frequently work “30-50 feral hogs” into everyday conversations.
Trapt - Shadow Work
You think the Covid vaccine is a Chinese ploy to seed the American population with mind control nanobots. You were one of the 12 people in attendance at Trapt’s most recent concert. You are the lead singer of Trapt.
American Aquarium - Lamentations
You are not a pecan farmer.
AC/DC - Power Up
This is the first album you purchased since AC/DC’s Black Ice. Your wife is tired of your vaping. You blame the pandemic for your weight gain, but you couldn’t fit in those size 36 Levi’s even last November.
Nov 4, 2020
The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: November 2020
A poop emoji is negative. A strike-thru is positive.
The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-4) overall which is a 5 point improvement from August (the previous time we did this chart). The worst song by a long shot is Dan + Shay’s “I Should Probably Go to Bed.” The best song is Jon Pardi’s “Ain’t Always the Cowboy,” edging out Stapleton’s latest by a hair. There are some decent tunes here and the chart should improve a little more over the fall and winter. On a negative note, there’s only 1 solo woman, so we’re back to square one on that front. Do better, Nashville.
Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.
Oct 27, 2020
What Your Country Jack O'Lantern Says About You
(okay, one's not country, sue me)
Huge Hardy or Morgan Wallen fan lives here. Will mad dog you if you look them in the eyes. Peaked in 10th grade (second try).
Garth Brooks
Will hand out the blandest candy in the neighborhood. May have bodies buried under the back porch.
Danzig
Owns a lot of cats. Won’t actually sacrifice you to Satan, but that will be your first thought when you see them.
Kane Brown
Owner lost. Grab your own candy.
Bama
Homeowner did not go to college. Loves Jason Aldean. Married cousin.
Carrie Underwood
Someone who speaks to a lot of managers lives here. They’re handing out raisins to trick-or-treaters.
Cody Jinks
One cool motherf**ker lives here!
Sep 11, 2020
Sep 26, 2019
The Good Place Country Reaction Gifs
How do you feel after hearing Zac Brown Band's "OMW?"
Why do people like Kane Brown?
What'll happen if FGL covers a Hank Sr. song?
Whiskey Myers, Michaela Anne, Dori Freeman, Sturgill Simpson, and Jon Pardi have new albums Friday??
Do you want to rethink your position on the new Zac Brown Band album?
When you're in a store and all they play is bro-country
"Hey, I just heard the best Mitchell Tenpenny song!"
You claim to love country, but all you listen to is Luke Bryan, Morgan Wallen, and Hardy?
Sep 18, 2019
Pro Wrestler / Country Singer Equivalents 2019
Keith Urban = Dolph Ziggler
Stupid hair. Been around for a long time.
One of the most talented but always seems to let us down.
Dan + Shay = Glacier & Ernest Miller
Uh, there's two of them.
Good at something probably, but not their chosen field.
Kacey Musgraves = Becky Lynch
Badass. Stands up for women.
The diehards have always loved her, but she
just went big-time in 2018.
George Jones = Jeff Hardy
One of the greats. Known for showing up in bad shape or not at all.
Has had his photo taken in front of a wall at the police station several times.
(Thanks to Cherryll Batty for this idea!)
Morgan Wallen & Hardy = The Godwinns
Nobody can be this redneck in real life.
Zac Brown = Baron Corbin
Dresses stupid. Not much hair.
Pretty talented but so damn annoying that you honestly just want him to go away.
Kane Brown = The Gobbledy Gooker
Hyped heavily. Made a big splash at first, but once everybody found
out he was lame, nobody was interested any more.
Sep 17, 2019
Sep 11, 2019
Jul 29, 2019
Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Hardy’s “Rednecker”
First of all, I'm pretty pissed at Trailer for this one. He told me this song was by some new underground country singer, so when I herd it i actually conected to a lot of it. I mean, I really do piss where I want too! [editor’s note: I did not say that]
And then I saw the dudes face and saw he was like Bobby Bonehead's cousin or something. Probably siamese qu... never mind, Trailer told me to take that part out. Anyway, I questioned Trailer about it and he told me this Hardy dude was actually on a major label! Screw you Trailer for making me listen to Mr. Hard On.
But now that I know this is a hit on pop country radio I dont like it no more, even if it does speak to a lot of american values. If youre on the same station as Puke Bryan, you're not country. Hell, Luke bryan? Never heard of her! That gets me everytime.
It makes me maddern a ole wet whore to, because this dudes got a good mullet that goes to waist on this trying to be popular and success full. Why would you be a good artist and want more then 4 or 5 people who know bout you?
Listen to reel country like Joe Gussie and the Dirt Pickers and stay away from this crap. Actually, stay away from Joe, otherwise he might sell out if too many people know about him. I'm rednecker than this Handy guy, and that's because i only like real country and don't have a personal stylist.
-Written by the “real” Carl Outlaw
Mar 5, 2019
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
