Showing posts with label Jason Aldean. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jason Aldean. Show all posts

Apr 7, 2019

Jason Aldean: Artist of the Decade??

Jason Aldean will receive the "Artist of the Decade" award at tonight's ACM Awards.
https://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/country/8501255/jason-aldean-artist-of-the-decade-award-acm-awards

Reader J-man made a couple of memes to celebrate this non-momentous occasion.





Apr 5, 2019

Dirt Road Actually Pretty Boring

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, October 06, 2011 
Jason Aldean fans Shelley Young and Lyndi Berks recently traveled into rural Mississippi to experience the fun and charming world of Aldean's smash hit "Dirt Road Anthem." What they sampled instead was a level of sheer dullness they had not come to know in their entire previous 17 years on the planet. 

Clad in matching "My Kinda Party" tour shirts, boots and cut-off jeans, the pair borrowed Berks' dad's old Dodge Ram and headed for less-developed paths. 

"It was so boring I wanted to shoot myself in the face," exaggerated Madison Central High School senior Young. "That song made dirt roads sound like so much fun, but it's just like bugs and dirt and stuff! I mean, you can tell Jason totally knows what he's talking about when he wrote that song and maybe dirt roads are just more fun in Georgia, but I'd rather listen to a Merle Haggard song than get off the blacktop ever again!" 

The girls started off on an unnamed county road in neighboring Holmes County, by swerving "like George Jones" and smoking Kool cigarettes. "But dust was rolling IN the window... and the smoke was just making us cough," related Berks. "And I could only get 1G on my Galaxy S!" 

Next, they searched for a party in a pasture to attend, but found only cows, horses and a couple of discarded washing machines. "We stopped at a trailer to ask a guy if there was a party anywhere and he said the party was 'right here' and pointed to his pleather couch... I think he was on meth," said Shelley. 

The trip ended with a failed attempt at purchasing an Old Milwaukee tallboy to place "in the console." "That old woman said we looked like we were twelve. Dumb b*tch, like she was gonna make any other money that day. Does anybody even live that far away from a Hollister?" complained Berks. 

In summation, dirt roads "suck," "blow" and caused the girls to "SMH" and say "FML" multiple times. "But we still love Jason! He's so hot!" they cooed in perfect harmony. 


Mar 13, 2019

Country Walk-Up Songs 2019


College baseball has started and MLB is on the way. Go Cubs! 
As we did in 2013 & 2017, FTM ponders what songs country singers 
should use as their perfect "walk up" music if they were baseball players.
----------

Dustin Lynch


Mitchell Tenpenny

David Allan Coe

Sturgill Simpson

Kane Brown

Margo Price

Jordan Davis

Russell Dickerson

FGL

Rich O'Toole

Jason Aldean



Jan 31, 2019

Clerks Country Reaction Gifs

How you line dance to a modern country song

Do you love The Steel Woods' new album?

What do you call people who drive around blasting Kane Brown?

Koe Wetzel just calls it Tuesday Morning

Walking in after you just scored Tyler Childers tickets

Your opinion on the country charts?

When Jason Aldean fans make fun of Thomas Rhett fans

Why do you listen to so much Ruston Kelly?


(Gifs from Clerks I & II)

Jan 16, 2019

The Next Smash for Jordan Lynch or Mitchell Davis or Whoever


If You Say I'm Not Country
©2019 FTM Lyrical Satirical

I like sugar in my unsweet tea
And my Texas chili full of beans
And I'll be on your ass like jeans
If you say I'm not country

I like to hunt a little snipe
And eat honeysuckle when it's ripe
And mister I might pull a knife
If you say I'm not country

Cause I'm from where they sing about
in songs from Kenny and Tim
Down there on that ol' rural route
Where I have definitely been
Church and mama and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff
I'm as country as they come

I love to crank those old outlaw songs
Turn up the Brantley and sing along
I'll throw hands and prove you wrong
If you say I'm not country

Cause I love me a Grizzly pouch
There's red on my neck skin
From working tater fields down south
Where I have definitely been
Shine and biscuits and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I might get rough
I'm as country as they come

Bridge
You can say I use snap beats
You can say I'm auto-tuned
But you can't say I'm not country
Just look at my Aldean tattoo

Yeah I'm from where they sing about
in songs from Kenny and Tim
Down there on that ol' rural route
Where I have definitely been
Church and mama and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff

I'm as country as they come


Dec 13, 2018

What Your Favorite 2018 Album Says About You 3


Brothers Osborne - Port Saint Joe
You smoke dope and vote Democrat, but don't want your dad to find out.

Morgan Evans - Things That We Drink To
Wait, who??

6ix9ine - Dummy Boy
You were fired from your job at Walgreens for having purple hair (but really it was for stealing pills).

Ghost - Prequelle
Your idea of a good time is reading about serial killers on Wikipedia. You dabbled in satanism in high school, but now are a Lutheran.

MTHRFCKR - Micro Crystals
You are too much of a hipster contrarian to admit this album doesn't actually exist. 

Eric Church - Desperate Man
You love how Eric is such a renegade and so different from all those other bro-dudes on country radio, but your favorite song of his is "These Boots." 

The Carters - Everything is Love
You will send me death threats if I say this album wasn't that good.

Eminem - Kamikaze
You are male, mid-thirties, single, and still argue with your parents over the rent for your room over the garage.

Sun Kil Moon - This is My Dinner
You are a military interrogator and this is your "favorite" only in that it is the most effective torture device to get enemy combatants to reveal information.

Greta Van Fleet - Anthem of the Peaceful Army
You are a forty-something dad who respects Led Zeppelin but doesn't really like them. Your ex-wife is still living pretty comfortably off the divorce settlement, but sells LulaRoe and essential oils on Facebook for extra cash.

Jason Aldean - Rearview Town
You didn't actually listen to the whole album, just the singles. You type things on Facebook like "Sam Hunt sucks… listen too real country like Jason Aldean an Old Dominion!"


Oct 26, 2018

Spiteful Aldean Vows to Never Release Another Good Single

Fake News Classics
by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, Thursday, August 06, 2015 

Breaking the one-decent-single-per-album trend that has characterized his career thus far, country superstar Jason Aldean vowed on Thursday to never release a good song to radio again. 

"I'm sick and tired of these bloggers and old people and jealous haters deriving pleasure from any of my songs," Aldean told Country California. "If they're going to talk trash about all my other terrible - but focus group tested for maximum chart impact - singles, why should I give them a 'Flyover States' or anything else they might actually kinda enjoy?" 

Aldean, the singer of "Amarillo Sky," has seemingly grown more jaded and irritable in recent years, likely due to critical 'bro-country' backlash and social media commentary about his romantic affairs. 

"I don't owe anybody a damn thing, especially people who don't like the two to three predictably moronic party anthems I generally release to country radio in each album cycle - it's all or nothing, you jackasses," said a frowning Aldean after announcing the godawful "Gonna Know We Were Here" as his newest single. 

Many of Aldean's so-called haters expected the final single from Old Boots, New Dirt to be the ear-pleasing "Two Night Town," as it has been Aldean's pattern to balance two or three sh*ttacular songs per album with at least one single that suggests he actually would have the talent to not be such a commerce-driven cliché of an artist if he were so inclined. 

"Nobody will ever hear a 'The Truth' or a 'Night Train' from me again unless they dig into the deep album cuts," promised Aldean. "I'm not in the business of putting out intelligent or emotionally authentic songs that a Sturgill Simpson fan might find himself enjoying, despite misgivings." 


"Screw those guys." 


Sep 12, 2018

The Current Poop of Country Radio: September '18

A poop emoji is negative, a strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-14) overall which is a 16 point rise from June (the last time we did this chart). After June's worst score of all time, this is heartening. The best song on the chart is Eric Church's "Desperate Man" The worst is Dylan Scott's pointless "Hooked." There are 2 solo women on the charts and one song by the female-led Sugarland.


Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Jun 27, 2018

Really Dumb Country Reviews: June '18

These are real reviews from a popular digital music service.
--------------------------------

Keith Urban - Graffiti U

Dan + Shay - s/t



Jason Aldean - Rearview Town




Dierks Bentley - The Mountain

Thomas Rhett - Life Changes


Kane Brown


Florida-Georgia Line - Simple



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