Showing posts with label Joe Diffie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joe Diffie. Show all posts

Jul 5, 2013

Five Years of FTM - 5 Top 5's

Today, Farce the Music turns 5 years old. Thanks for sticking around and giving me the inspiration and reason to keep fighting the fight and hatin' the hate-worthy. Also, a big thanks goes out to Jeremy Harris, Kelcy Salisbury, Matthew Martin and others who have contributed to FTM in recent years/months!

As a small celebration, here are 5 new Top 5 lists... 2 serious, 3 seriously stupid.

Top 5 Most Common Injuries Suffered by Fla-Ga Line Fans
5. Sprained ankle from tripping on wallet chains
4. Cuts and abrasions from trying to scrape off misspelled tattoo
3. Broken fingers from punching radio when real country song comes on
2. Sliced fingers from broken (store bought) moonshine jars
1. Tetanus from doing the nasty in a rusty truck bed

Trailer's Top 5 Favorite Albums of All Time
5. The Rolling Stones - Exile on Main St.
4. Willie Nelson - Red Headed Stranger
3. Johnny Cash - At San Quentin
2. Son Volt - Trace
1. Guns n' Roses - Appetite for Destruction

Top 5 Potential Gilbert/Kramer Wedding Themes
5. Brass knux and butterflies
4. Ed Hardy
3. Pre-Antebellum vintage
2. Camo and Chrysanthemums
1. Trailer chic

Top 5 Best Songs of 2013 So Far
5. Son Volt - Angel of the Blues
3. John Moreland - Blacklist
1. Jason Isbell - Elephant

Top 5 Things Joe Diffie is Doing to Fit in
With Hick-Hop Culture
5. Sagging his Sansabelt jeans
4. Throwing "dawg" and "bruh" into everyday conversations
3. Putting a chrome brushguard and a roll bar on his 1975 Ford F100
2. Going heavy on the Acqua di Gio
1. Mixing his Ensure with Grey Goose

Jun 11, 2013

Little Known Facts: June '13



While Darius Rucker did not write "Wagon Wheel," he did help produce "Chinese Democracy" for Guns N' Roses.

Joe Diffie and Ronnie Dunn are recruiting a third member to join their new hick-hop outfit, Middle Aged and Cray Cray.

Make sure you check inside your Pepsi cans this summer. One lucky person will open a can with a life size Justin Moore cutout placed inside.

Colt Ford has never eaten the bones at Kentucky Fried Chicken but has swallowed an entire bucket of chicken twice.

If Blake Shelton's voice had the same inflection as his brain, he'd sing like Ben Stein.

Both members of Florida-Georgia Line thought Nelly was the chick from Little House on the Prairie before their "Cruise" remix, and they were still okay with it.

16-year-old girls love Jason Aldean and Jason Aldean loves (The remainder of this Little Known Fact has been deleted based on advice obtained from Trailer's lawyer)

Gary Levox puts his pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. He requires a hydraulic hoist but still does one leg at a time.

Pistol Annies' rumored break-up is being blamed on Ashley and Angeleena coming to the realization that Miranda actually talked them into singing backup on "Boys Round Here."

Billy Currington doesn't know the meaning of moderation. Seriously, he doesn't know the meaning of the word.

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Thanks to (?) Jeremy Harris for most of these.

Apr 11, 2013

Little Known Facts: April '13



McDonald's recently forgot to give Taylor Swift apple dippers with her Happy Meal. 
I'm sure the song inspired by this will be a huge hit.

Due to some bad investments the devil was forced to sell his collection of souls to Mike Curb in 2009.

Drive-by Truckers' recent personnel changes have led to a new direction for them. 
The new keytar player and DJ have really expanded on their southern rock sound.

The writers of "1994" spent 90 minutes attempting to explain to Jason Aldean who Joe Diffie is.

Leroy Virgil of Hellbound Glory steps into a phone booth and removes his Members Only jacket. 
Seconds later out steps Rick Grimes of The Walking Dead television series.

Blake Shelton's dignity and ability to choose a good song were contained within his mullet.

You can not have both a man card and a favorite Hunter Hayes song.

An actual chicken writes all of the songs for The Imperial Rooster.

Cletus T Judd was forced into retirement when country music became a parody of itself.

A Graco booster seat autographed and used by Justin Moore recently sold on eBay for $267.00.

Shooter Jennings bought that booster seat.

Kenny Rogers will be inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame this year; 
his face will be inducted in 20 years.

Feb 26, 2013

OMG Reviews: Jason Aldean - 1994



by Brittany Fant, 15-year-old reviewer


Listen here!

MMYYYY FAVORITTTTTEEEE! Jason is such a good rapper! This song is about the year my parents got married! So cool. I bet they didn't even have awesome country rap songs back then. They were missing out! I'm actually so glad I wasn't even a twinkle in my folks' eyes back then. It was so lame. Their cell phones were like the size of a brick and you couldn't even text on them!!! No internet. And HUNTER HAYES hadn't learned to play guitar yet! What a crappy time to be alive, lol!! But at least this song about that year is so good. All you geezers complaining and saying stuff like "country + rap = crap" need to get a life. All us people who actually buy music on iTunes are voting y'all off the island, lol. Old people, we grew up with awesome bands like Linkin Park and Limp Biscuit so we know good music and we want country to sound young and cool! Jason is kind of old to be rapping, but not as old as Jay-Z so I guess it's okay. At least he's awesome at it. Now, about the song's subject matter. Joe Diffie? I don't know who that is, but his name is fun to say. I Googled him and he had some awful hair!! That's another thing about the old days. They let anybody sing on the radio! They didn't have to be hot or anything. I'm glad that's all changed now!!!! Nowadays, guys care about their hygiene and their abs, thank goodness. I clicked on a couple of Joe Diffie's songs and couldn't get through more than a few seconds. He sings like a hick! I guess it's cool for Jason to get people interested in that guy a little... maybe sell a few mp3's for him (hopefully his record company set it up for him - lol, he's probably too old to know how to use email). Maybe Joe will be able to afford a decent haircut now. At least his name is fun to yell over and over! I love that! Maybe the "Joe Diffie" will take over the Harlem Shake as the cool YouTube dance! I hope Hunter has some rap songs on his new album. He probably has better flow than 2Pac! This is the best time to be alive because music is so awesome. If you don't like "1994," you need to get out your 8-tracks of Waylon Jenkins or something and eat your pistachio pudding. It's never going back the way you want it, gramps.

5 Heart Hands!

Feb 21, 2013

Little Known Facts: Feb. '13


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Re-entry to a Brantley Gilbert concert is only allowed if you've had your lower back stamped.

When traveling to Scotty McCreery's house you must travel over a bridge, 
but only after correctly answering Scotty's riddle.

Joe Diffie has spent all of his career earnings attempting to build a time machine 
to prevent himself from starting the truck song craze.

Your mom likes that one Luke Bryan song.

The band Fifth On The Floor was first discovered when Shooter Jennings 
climbed a bean stalk that led to the home of lead singer Justin Wells.

If golf celebrated mediocrity as much as country radio, Colt Ford would still be a golfer.

Everything on Justin Moore's tourbus is miniaturized for his ease of use.

eBay item #170992608018 is for the rights to roll Willie Nelson up and smoke him when he dies.

Jason Aldean DOES NOT have herpes. Word on the street however is that he has a few sores 
that pop up once a month on his genitalia but he DOES NOT have herpes.

Long brown hooded robes and torches are required work apparel at 
Big Machine Records except on Satanic Fridays.

1990's country star Ty Herndon now lives in a monastery in the Swiss Alps.


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*Most of this, including the shot of Justin Wells and Shooter Jennings, by Jeremy Harris.

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