Showing posts with label Kane Brown. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kane Brown. Show all posts

Mar 12, 2021

Sleep Doctors Recommend Modern Country Radio as Sleep Aid

When patients come in complaining of sleep issues or constant tiredness, somnologists have many options. Sleep studies, diet and exercise changes, medication, breathing machines, and many other methods help doctors remedy those in their care. 

Lately, many sleep doctors are turning to an unusual therapy to cure insomnia: country music. Well, modern mainstream country radio, to be more precise. Studies have found the popular genre to be effective in nearly 72% of cases overall. 


Dr. Lenox Knox of Chicago was the first sleep specialist to discover the unlikely health aid. “I had a patient in my waiting room who told us he hadn’t slept in 4 straight days who was sound asleep.” said Knox. “We were playing a satellite country station over the speakers… I believe the artist was Dan and Jay or something like that.” “Long story short,” he continued. “We did a mini study on the patient, removed all other variables, and it was unquestionably the pop-country music that cured him.”


While official clinical trials are yet to take place, several of Knox’s associates report similar success. 


“We had a woman who was unresponsive to medication who basically passed out on the examination table when we played her the latest song from an artist called Niko Moon.” said Dr. Terry Temple of Shreveport. “We’re discovering that it’s not country music in general that is causing this effect on her and other patients, but specifically the style that is currently popular on mainstream radio stations.” 


“With mid-tempo “vibe” oriented soundscapes dominating the format right now, our patients are honestly just bored to sleep,” said Knox. “To put it un-clinically, their minds just shut off due to the drudgery and sameness.”


When questioned about why the style of music was so effective in helping the sleep-challenged resume a healthful pattern of rest, Temple theorized that “it’s the lack of sharp ‘real’ drum sounds, the sonic malaise of similar tempos, and the unchallenging subject matter, but that’s just a guess; I don’t mean to blindly group Kane Bryan, Dick Russelton, and all those other artists together.”

Mar 11, 2021

Wedding Crashers Country Reaction Gifs

 I kid around a lot, but many Kane Brown fans are actually not very smart

Not Colter Wall

When your idea is that Dwight Yoakam sucks...

When someone has the audacity to dismiss Willie Nelson as 'just an old pothead'

Me: What's your guilty pleasure song? No judgment.
Friend: Dan + Shay "Tequila"
Me:

How you can tell she's a Carrie Underwood fan

What do you think of Niko Moon's smash hit #1 song?

Show me something dumb that inspired an actual hit country song

Feb 25, 2021

Kristen Wiig Country Reaction Gifs

*language warning*


When you say you’ll send your friend some new Cole Chaney music and you send them Cole Swindell instead as a joke


Morgan Wallen still has the #1 album. Can you believe it?


When your son finally graduates from pop-country to the real shit


Do you wanna go to the Old Dominion drive-in concert with me?


Morgan Wade’s debut album comes out in just a few weeks


White girls after a Kane Brown concert


Why not to ask your ex-girlfriend if you can come pick up your George Jones records you left at her place


When the sports talk show you love has new Luke Bryan bumper music


When you’ve been to one too many country shows at the amphitheater next to the toxic waste dump


Feb 19, 2021

Eric Andre Show Country Reaction Gifs

When you ask a Kane Brown fan if they've heard of Waylon Jennings

A country DJ having to play a Sam Hunt song

When a guest starts playing Florida-Georgia Line at your own party

Country radio be like...

But when I hear it...

Any show with Luke Bryan on it

When Marshall Tucker Band's "Can't You See" comes on

Todd Snider on his day off

What would you rather do than go to a Dan + Shay concert?

Feb 9, 2021

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews Kane Brown’s “Worship You”


I’m only a part-time talent here at Farce the Music now, and I wish I hadn’t returned for this particular song, but it does present a topic I haven’t covered before. Usually it’s just dudes with weird facial hair lusting after the women with their feet on their dash while drinking a cold beer on a dirt road, so at least this is a different sin for me to rail against.

Obviously the title spun me for a loop to begin with. I hoped this was the rare religious song that becomes a country hit. It was not to be, for this worldly song is about worshipping a lover. For shame, my brothers and sisters! 1st Corinthians 10:14 says to flee from idolatry! In other words, be ye not a “Stan” of any human beings… neither famous, nor your girlfriend who works at the nail salon and drives a Hyundai. Flee from this misleading musical creation! Mr. Brown has become a stumbling block for millions of easily influenced minors and their wine-sipping moms. 


Just behold these unseemly lyrics:

Don't get me wrong

I'm a God-fearing Christian man

But if you were a religion, then damn

I don't know what I'd do

Yeah, I might have to worship you


The Lord will forsake those who forsake Him, and it sounds as if Kane has chosen to worship boobies and hoo-hoo instead of our Father who art in Heaven. This is so dangerous, my children. Obsessing over a person can lead to mental issues, the Herpes, and rugrats out of wedlock. God isn’t being greedy about your attention - He knows what can happen to your peener. 


Romans 1:23 talks of those who have exchanged the glory of the almighty Lord for images resembling mortal man and birds and creeping things. Some creepy things too. Turn your cheek from this nonsense! 


On a human level, it’s gross to worship something that burps, drives badly (not saying all women do - just my wife), and makes me eat cauliflower pizza. I wouldn’t want anybody worshipping me either. And nobody would, I assure you. I have a minor speech impediment, I don’t put the toilet seat down, and I root for the New York Jets. Lord forgive me!


Also, it’s just pathetic. Some of Kane’s friends should make fun of him on their text group. My buddies back at seminary did when I was hung up on the girl I dated before my wife. They called me p-whipped (the p standing for “petting;” we were generally wholesome with our language, though this term may have displeased the Lord a bit). Anyway, their constant ‘trash talking’ broke me out of my spell. Bless their hearts!  (In the good way)


I don’t like the sound or the vocals of this song either, so it is unfortunate on every level. I pray for Mr. Brown’s soul, and I say to thee: listen not!


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