Showing posts with label Kip Moore. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kip Moore. Show all posts

Jul 18, 2012

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Kip Moore - Beer Money

Kip Moore - Beer Money
(listen at this link, if you wish to soil your soul)


After a couple of good, wholesome songs for review, Trailer has returned to sending me these typically worldly "country" songs that can cause a believer to stumble. Even sending me a song like this is considered sin in the holy gaze of the Father. "Beer Money" by Kip Moore is a deviant song about misusing one's income to worship at the foul-smelling feet of Satan. 

If you have some money, you didn't make that money. Somebody else made that happen! The great and perfect heavenly Lord let you borrow that money. We are just to be the stewards.

So what does Mr. Kip Moore do with GOD'S MONEY??? He purchases the products of that great Idol of Evil, Adolphus Busch. Kip uses money that may be intended for the purchase of tracts to hand out to despicable sinners outside the very country music concerts he performs at for getting drunk.

We've already discussed the wickedness of fermented drink. A TRUE Christian's lips should NEVER touch alcohol (ahem, Catholics), much less use the devil's urine to become intoxicated. Why, I'd rather grab a roach off the floor of my daughter and son-in-law's disgusting trailer and eat it than have even a molecule of  "Bud Platinum" evaporate on my tongue. Or the "Natty Light" said son-in-law has rolling around in the bed of his truck. I fear that boy will drag my offspring to the deepest canyon of Hades.

Speaking of Hades, this perverse singer sings positively of "raising hell." Were you brought up by crack harlots and biker gangs, Kip Moore??? For shame! I can hardly contain my indignation about this song and living in a country that would embrace such "art" with open, tattooed arms. Handbasket, meet Hell.

F

Jun 5, 2012

I'm Sorry, This Exists 6

Jimmy Buffett "glittered" album cover


Jason Aldean corn maze (this existed)

"She's Country" wine glass

Honky Tonk Badonkadonk coasters and guitar pick

This. Sigh.

This.

Kip Moore acrylic on canvas

Leann Rimes Bikini Top coffee mug

F-yeah Rascal Flatts Tumblr site

"Red Solo Cup" hoodie with Bleeding Cowboys font!

Taylor Swift embroidery template

Singin' Bout a Truck (Somethin' Bout a Truck Parody)


Singin' Bout a Truck
(Parody of Kip Moore's "Somethin' Bout a Truck")

Singin' bout a truck always seals the deal
Toss in a girl and a farmer's field
Nobody's gonna question if your motive's real
Singin' bout a truck, it don't take much skill

Tell 'em bout a beer, preferably light
No need to rock the boat, just keep your rhymes tight
Throw in a tailgate, set the scene just right
Singin' bout a beer, no need to think twice

Gotta have a girl ,if you want some success
Put her in cut-offs or a cute sundress
The teen demographic has to be impressed
So sing about a girl and get your wallet blessed

Now there's gotta be some making out for you to score
It should be her first time, she can't be a whore
No kinky stuff now, like handcuffs or back doors
Nothing's more wholesome than a country girl's drawers

Singin' bout a truck seals the deal
And a girl with big breasts in the video just makes sense
Cause CMT can't resist
Something about boots and jeans and familiar scenes
Oh Lord have mercy, I can hear that cha-ching
It's scientific not luck, singin' bout a truck

Somewhere bout the time the sky gets dim
After a few of those beers, country folks show some skin
Skinny dipping' ain't edgy but we can pretend
Somethin' bout a creek makes you more than friends

Singin' bout a truck is the Midas touch
And a girl with a cute butt in the video just makes sense
CMT'll give ya heavy spins
Just write some different words to the same old scenes
Oh Lord have mercy, I can hear that cha-ching
It's scientific not luck, singin' bout a truck
It don't matter if it sucks, singin' bout a truck

Apr 17, 2012

3 Up, 3 Down



Here's the first of a new series to take the place of the "Promo Only Country Radio" reviews. Those had to go by the wayside due to me losing my, uh, "source" that provided me with those monthly compilations. Anyway, this'll be a monthly feature that picks out 3 songs I really like and 3 songs I really hate from the Top 40 chart.

3 UP
Alan Jackson - So You Don't Have to Love Me Anymore
That this song still sits at #33 on the charts, weeks after its release, is another major indictment of country radio. This isn't the depressing real-life financial hardship tale of Ronnie Dunn's criminally overlooked "Cost of Livin'," this is a more accessible prototypical (though not assembly-line built or soulless) Alan Jackson ballad. Alan Jackson, the modern legend. Alan Jackson, one of the two remaining big-ticket country singers with any ties back to what country really is. It's a great tune that anyone can relate to, well-written and well-sung. What's the problem? I know he's pushing 55, but he's still relatively wrinkle-free and attractive (I know that's all you care about, despite you being a non-visual medium). Play it, country radio. Save whatever minuscule pieces of your soul you have left. A

Eric Church - Springsteen
Not very country. Way beyond name-dropping. A few clichés here and there. I should hate this song, right? Maybe, but some songs just have "it." "Springsteen" has it-factor by the truckload. It's atmospheric, sincere and powerful. Eric has a career-defining single with this one. It's too far removed from steel-guitars and fiddles to be a country music classic, but without a doubt, it's a modern pop-country masterpiece. A

Eli Young Band - Even if it Breaks Your Heart
Not as good as the original by Will Hoge, but still far above most of what's charting these days. Anytime you can hear a well-performed song that doesn't mention trucks or bikini tops, you've got to call that a win. The Eli Young Band really knows its way around a catchy hook and they picked a great song to show off their chops. B+


3 DOWN
Carrie Underwood - Good Girl
Loud, screechy, obnoxious, annoying. I can't think of any positive terms to use in describing this song, mostly because there aren't any positives. It's an overcooked Joan Jett meets pop-country song that's built - not created - strictly to grow awareness of Underwood's upcoming Blown Away release. This song meets the requirement of "earworm," but only because it beats you senseless over the head with the riffs and hook until it's lodged in your brain without your approval. D

Kip Moore - Somethin' Bout a Truck
This tries to come off as something other than a typical country listing song, but it's just a pig with different color lipstick. The nursery rhyme reminiscent chorus harkens back to The House that Jack Built in some ways, and that's as clever as the song gets. If all Nashville's songwriters are doing these days is finding new ways to say the same shit, it's time for a sea-change. They truly need a reality check. D

Kenny Chesney w/Tim McGraw - Feel Like a Rock Star
If you don't see/hear anything wrong here, you're part of the problem. This is the sound of two of the elder statesmen of pop-country having, if not a mid-life crisis, at least a mid-life bad day. This is the musical equivalent of a 43 year-old sagging his pants and donning a flat brim cap. Maybe, maybe, if this song had come out ten years ago, it wouldn't bother me much, but since it's part of a trend towards the push of country towards cock-rock, it's not cool with me. Not just that, but it's a lunk-headedly overt song. Even Brantley Gilbert wouldn't be this obvious. I know it's just meant to be a fun duet that builds up excitement for the Chesney/McGraw tour, but they could have done something fun that still had the tiniest filament of a thread tied to actual country music. D-

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails