Showing posts with label Lyrical Satirical. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lyrical Satirical. Show all posts

Mar 14, 2014

Drop it Like a Tailgate (Girl)



(Drop it Like a) Tailgate
©2014 FTM Satire

Rick Ross on the Fosgates
Raptor rollin' can't be late
Country girl for a hot date
Cut-offs make my heart race
Drive out where the crops grow
Pickups by the dirt rows
Bass kickin' errbody know
She's here to rock the show
(Girl)

Drop it like a tailgate
Shake it like an earthquake
Wiggle like some live bait
Girl

Switch it up crank some Luke Bryan
Honey-thang move that behind
Fireballin' no I don't mind
Gettin' crunk like a combine
Bro mad-doggin' wanna fight
Chill dude, it's a'ight
Get faded on some Bud Light
Let's all have a good night
(And watch her)

Drop it like a tailgate
Stop it like a disk brake
Make a gay dude go straight
Girl

Bridge
Every Friday I do the same
Wife beater and a wallet chain
Fly hotties and spittin' game
I already forgot her name

(but she can)
Drop it like a tailgate
Float it like a snowflake
Curvy as a rat snake
Girl

Yeah,
Drop it like a tailgate
Throw it like a bouquet
Hotter than a burnt steak
Girl

Thanks to @Cati_Jolyn for the cash money hook!

Feb 6, 2014

Lyrical Satirical: Darn Good Time (A Kinder Gentler Bro-country Anthem)




What if bro-country songs were respectful of women, 
responsible with drinking habits and less concerned with outlaw posturing?

Darn Good Time
©2014 FTM Satires

Headed to the party
Driving the speed limit
Hands free callin'
I'll be there in a minute
I'm ready for a drink
My throat's got a tickle
But I wait till I'm safely
Out of the vehicle

Chorus
We're all here to have a darn good time
Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine
Just see the young women, I respect their minds
Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Pass around the good stuff
But only have a couple
Don't want anyone
Getting in any trouble
One fellow's getting angry
He's red-faced and cussin'
Let's try to cool him down
With a friendly discussion

'Cause
We're just here to have a darn good time
Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine
Just see the young women, I respect their minds
Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Bridge
Crank up some Huey Lewis
That's how we like to rock
But if there's any drugs or sex
I'm gonna call the cops

We're all here to have a darn good time
If you're a bit too young, you can have Cheerwine
Just see the young women, I respect their minds
Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Jan 21, 2014

Lyrical Satirical: There's a Truck in the Middle of the Field




There's a Truck in the Middle of the Field

There's a truck in the middle of the field
There's a truck in the middle of the field
There's a truck
There's a truck
There's a truck in the middle of the field

There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a girl
There's a girl
There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a bro
There's a bro
There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a beer
There's a beer
There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a fire
There's a fire
There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a fight
There's a fight
There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's some shine
There's some shine
There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a song
There's a song
There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck cranking the song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a truck cranking the song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field
There's a truck
There's a truck
…there's a truck in the middle of the field

Dec 20, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: White Trash Wishlist


White Trash Wishlist
©2013 FTM Lyrics

A shortened parole
Mint Grizzly, ten rolls
And a new pair of rebel flag boots
A Skeeter for fishin'
A Brazzers subscription
And the rest of my barbed wire tattoo

This here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find it all
I'm cool with some lottery tickets
And a carton of black menthols

A triplewide home
A truck painted chrome
A deer stand three stories high
A whiskey buzz n'
A frisky cousin
And jeans with a velcro fly

This here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find all them
I'm cool with some fake viagra
And a box of cajun Slim Jims

Bridge
I don't mean to sound greedy
Santa, I'm just a good ol' boy
Really ain't nothin' I'm needing
Just a few things I really enjoy

(Like)
A new pair of jorts
A trip to Pigeon Forge
A Boone and Crockett on my wall
A sexy back rub
In a fancy hot tub
Slap full of grain alcohol

Yeah, this here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find it all
I'm cool with some lottery tickets
And a carton of black menthols

Merry Christmas y'all!


Oct 29, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: I'm So From the Country



A bro-country song as written by someone whose first language is not English.
Why? Because... that's why. And is it any worse than this?


I'm So From the Country
©2013 FTM Satire

She is from the country and she talks as such
She enjoys when I arrive in my large pick-up truck
She is wearing shorts that nearly show her buns
Let us find a deserted lane to have sexual fun

Chorus
Me, I'm so from the country
Me, I love beer that tastes skunky
I'm so country, more than you've seen
Listen to me tell you southern things

Here's a rural field with a group of local friends
Here's the part where I mention her butt again
Here's a large fire burning and strong drink passed around
Let us twerk our bottoms to some Hank and really get down

Me, I'm so from the country
Me, I enjoy my hip-hop funky
I'm so country my drawl has bling
Listen to me tell you southern things

Bridge
We enjoy to party!
We get drunk and take a ride!
Let us get into water naked
And I put my peener inside!

Me, I'm so from the country
Me, I will give your face a punching
I'm so country I enjoy bee stings
Listen to me tell you southern things

Aug 5, 2013

I am a Pop-Country Song



I am a Pop-Country Song
©2013 FTM Satires

I have three dads and one mother
Who over some cold beer discovered
They all loved money very much
Hearts raced and their cheeks flushed
As they copulated with each other
(and here I am)

I am a pop-country song
When life's got you down
You can just turn me on
Cause, I know no sadness
And there's nothing wrong
With upbeat, uptempo
And a beat that's strong
2 inches deep and 3 minutes long
I am a pop-country song

I'm trucks and I'm sunny beaches
Underage sex and wise old preachers
Barely there twang and pumped up drums
A tasty pill to keep you numb
Sung by tough guys and Georgia peaches
(Crank it up)

I am a pop-country song
When life gets too real
You can just turn me on
Cause, I'm just a party
For your pasture or lawn
I'm upbeat, uptempo
With a beat that's strong
2 inches deep and 3 minutes long
I am a pop-country song

Bridge
In 6 months I'll be forgotten
But what'd you expect? I'm not art
Maybe I'll have resurrection
With a remix for the pop charts

I am a pop-country song
When life's got you down
You can just turn me on
Cause, I know no sadness
And there's nothing wrong
With upbeat, uptempo
And a beat that's strong
2 inches deep and 3 minutes long
I am a pop-country song

Jun 5, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: Maybe That's What Ol' Hank Had in Mind


I wrote this tongue-in-cheek lyric more than a decade ago with Tim McGraw being the unspoken target. Sadly, it rings truer than ever now.

Maybe That's What Ol' Hank Had in Mind
(©2001) FTM Satires

[v.1]
They slap a hat on any guy
with a drawl and handsome grin
Produce a half pop album
to sell in the country bin
Book him for the Leno show
then a grueling two month tour
Promoting his big single
It'll go Top 30 for sure

[Lift]
Some folks say it's a crying shame
what's been done to Music Row
They should keep their opinions
Cause some things we'll never know

[Chorus]
Maybe that's what ol' Hank wanted
But he never got the chance
to leave the Opry stage behind
To shake his hips and dance
So Nashville looks like Hollywood
and country songs don't whine
It's alright 'cause
maybe that's what ol' Hank had in mind

[v.2]
Can't you see the old troubador
with a jet plane and limousine
Laser shows at his concerts
and talks shows the days between
Cutting songs about making love
Then primping for photo shoots
Who's to say that ain't country
'cause we don't really know the truth

Maybe that's what ol' Hank wanted
but he never got the chance
to leave the honky tonks behind
to shake his hips and dance
So Nashville looks like Hollywood
and country songs don't whine
it's alright 'cause
maybe that's what ol' Hank had in mind

[Tag]
Some folks say it's a crying shame
what's been done to Music Row
but I'll keep my opinion

cause some things I'll never know

May 22, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: This Song is for Summer



This Song Is For Summer
©2013 FTM Satire

Aw hell yeah it's summer again
Time to drop a tailgate with your redneck friends
Text up some honeys in cut off jeans
Sugar shaker, donkadonk, know what I mean?
Crank some Lil Wayne in a country mood
Pass around some moonshine we bought at Whole Foods
Let's get rowdy like Hank would do
Hey, check out my new Duck Dynasty tattoo

Chorus
This song is for summer, y'all
Those three months after spring and just before fall
Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber
Crank it on up in the summer summer summer


Yeehaw boys, yeah I got some swag
Got a Mud Life sticker and truck nutz that drag
Old farts hatin' cause I drop some rhymes
But that's how we do country in the summertime
Shotgun, old truck, some other cliche
Gather round the fire and I'll sing you some Kanye
Feet on the dash, let the night commence
Who cares if this tune doesn't make any sense?

This song is for summer, y'all
Those three months after spring and just before fall
Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber
Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Bridge (spoken)
And now a word from our sponsor:
It's hot out there while you're partying with your homeyz
Try something a little different!
Bud Light Lime.
It's Bud Light, with a twist!

Back to this song for summer, son
Put it out in March so it's a June number one
Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber
Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Mar 5, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: Badass



Badass
©2013 FTM Satire

Got a chrome bull bar on my F-150
Big shinin' wheels and damn right it's lifted
Got a country hottie, she's drunk and ready
Might get in them cut-offs if she'll let me
Tailgate down in a rutted up pasture
Beer is fine but that jar's a lot faster

If a sip don't burn, it ain't moonshine
If the truck ain't tall, well it ain't mine
If you won't fight, you ain't a man
If you ain't country, ain't worth a damn
If you ain't first, you're closer to last
If you ain't me, you ain't
Badass

Got a part-time job at the uptown Target
If a price changes, damn right I'll mark it
Got a full ride down at the junior college
Still livin' home while I get my knowledge
Got my gated subdivision on a sticker
But that don't mean I ain't an ass-kicker

If a sip don't burn, it ain't moonshine
If the truck ain't tall, well it ain't mine
If you won't fight, you ain't a man
If you ain't country, ain't worth a damn
If you ain't first, you're closer to last
If you ain't me, you ain't
Badass

Bridge
Crankin' A$AP Rocky, textin' on my cell
Wearin' Ed Hardy lookin' bad as hell
Bangin' drunk skanks, not southern belles
Buyin' moonshine off a Kroger shelf

If a sip don't burn, it ain't moonshine
If the truck ain't tall, well it ain't mine
If you won't fight, you ain't a man
If you ain't country, ain't worth a damn
I've never even listened to Johnny Cash
But If you ain't me, you ain't
Badass

Dec 22, 2012

From the Archives: What Xmas is All About


From Dec. 8, 2008


What Xmas is All About
©2008 FTM Satires



Neighbor was in his yard one December morn
Arranging some little dolls and a toy barn

Said it was something called a nativity scene
I just shook my head, decided to be nice
And offered him some neighborly advice
"Friend, don't you know what Christmas really means?"

Chorus
Man, it's icicle lights and inflatable elves
Hickory Farms and half price sales
And Shriners riding go-carts at the big parade downtown
It's an eggnog buzz at the office shindig
It's Rudolph, Santa and pudding figs
Just helpin' out, 
now you know what Christmas is all about

He just stared at me like my nose was on fire
Looked at my big sleigh suspended by wires
Asked me "Ain't you ever heard of the virgin birth?"
Said "If I want a sermon, I'll go to church"
He said "That's the reason we celebrate"
I had to laugh, but then I set him straight

Chorus 2
Cause It's a Wonderful Life and that mean ol' Grinch
It's my pants size going up an inch
It's window flocking, Christmas tree rocking and huge Walmart crowds
It's fruit cake, cookies and big shiny balls
It's getting drunk to put up with inlaws
Man get a clue, 
now you know what Christmas is all about

Bridge
He said "Merry Christmas" and walked away
Stuck some little baby down in the hay
He'll never learn...

That it's icicle lights and inflatable elves
Overstock dot com and half price sales
It's Santa on the firetruck at the big parade downtown
It's an eggnog buzz at the office shindig
It's Rudolph, Frosty and pudding figs
He just doesn't understand what Christmas is all about

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